Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

worst thread ever

A hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead elephant with a pigmy
standing beside it. Amazed, he asked: "Did you kill that?".

The pigmy said "Yes."

The hunter asked "How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like
that?"

Said the pigmy: "I killed it with my club."

The astonished hunter asked: "Must be a big club then"

The pigmy replied: " Ooh, There's about 60 of us."


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never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

How do you kill a blue elephant? Well, you shoot it with a blue elephant gun - so how do you kill a pink elephant?

Pull it's trunk till it goes blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun...




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never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

So i went to the dentist. he said "say ahhhhhh"
I said "why?" He said "my dog died".


------------------------
never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona
Posts: 19115

hahahah The first one cracked me up. The second one....

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Don't argue with me.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

whats pink and hangs out your pants?

your mum.



------------------------
never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: NH
Posts: 6086

Can we get some negative humor points for UJ?

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: library
Posts: 19584

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

-m


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"I said to myself this aint no way to have fun, then she looked me in the eye and said, "Your life has just begun."

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

how do you make a hormone?

don't pay her



------------------------
never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

Ther once was a whore in Belize
Whose bush was infested with fleas
Which to avoid the scum
That covered her bum
Had constructed a flying trapeze


------------------------
never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

There once was a fellow named Ben
Who was aroused by livestock in a pen
Though he knew it was forbidden
He was quite parasite ridden
From trying it every now and then

------------------------
never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

A pig that suffered from defatication,
Had wanted to go on vacation.
He went to the South,
And caught Foot & Mouth,
And infected the whole bloody nation.



------------------------
never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm...His wife turned over and said, "Honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

Her hubby, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"



------------------------
never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

2 rules for life:


1.Don't tell people everything you know.
2.




------------------------
never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

Researchers at the Harvard Business School recently concluded a
three year, $7.6 million study of American corporate workers.
The study, a 23,000 page document, which focused on the recreational
preferences of those workers, is summarised below.

1. Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: bowling.

2. Sport of choice for front line workers: football.

3. Sport of choice for supervisors: baseball.

4. Sport of choice for middle management: tennis.

5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: golf.


CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the
smaller your balls.


------------------------
never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

headlines in the year 2050

1.Florida to Be Readmitted to Union

2. Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten Crops, Livestock

3. Texas Executes Last Remaining Citizen

4. Cal Ripken Jr. Reduced to DH Role

5. Mother Monica Dies: Revered Hero of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past
With US President

6. Wealthy Widow Anna Nicole Smith, 83, Weds Handsome Young Actor. "This Is
True Love," He Beams.

7. Construction Begins On Grenada War Memorial In D.C.

8. Cody and Cassidy Gifford Elude Authorities. Drug-Crazed Crime Spree
Continues

9. President "Bonecrusher" Jones to Face Chief Justice "Mad Dog" Ortega In
Cage Match

10. Baltimore Rams Defeat St. Louis Ravens

11. Pope Phil II Settles Custody Battle With Ex-Wife

12. Upcoming NFL Draft Likely to Focus On Mutants

13. Younger Generation's Music Provokes Outrage of Elders

14. D.C. Zoo to Receive Rare Cow

15. Authentic Year 2000 Chad Sells For $6.9 Million at Sotheby's

16. Nursing Home Lawsuit Case: Clinton Denies Candy Striper's Allegations

17. Court Clears AOLTimeWarnerGE-DisneyCiscoFordRJR-NabiscoExxon-Mobil of
Monopoly Charges

18. 50-Year Study: Diet and Exercise Key to Weight Loss

19. Baby Conceived Naturally

20. It Wasn't the Cigarettes - It Was the Ashtrays




------------------------
never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: library
Posts: 19584

Did you hear the one about the necrophiliac?

His rotten girlfriend split on him.

-m


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"Ready or not, I'm the illegitimate son of god"

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 12164

Hickory dickory dock
some chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I dropped my goo
I dumped the bitch on the next block

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

things you would never know without the movies:


-It is always possible to park directly outside any building
you are visiting.

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been
suspended from duty.

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you
bump into will know all the steps.

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a
fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently
to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening
manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the
head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion,
volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to
make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is
their total opposite.

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in
seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a
child trapped inside.

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that
affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the
television on.

-The killer is always in the basement but you still have to blindly
go there

- You can hack into military computers with a laptop and public phone



------------------------
never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 12164

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet
A lightbulb was stuck up her ass
It woke up the spider,
who lived deep inside her
He said "hey, free electric & gas!"

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 12164

Little Boy Blew...he needed the money!

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

THE BEER PRAY - for fiend


Our Lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk,
At home as it is in tavern.
Give us this day, our foamy head,
And forgive us for our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill on us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, the bitter and
the lager.
For ever and ever
BARMEN


------------------------
never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

[This message has been edited by urbanjunkie (edited 03-12-2001).]

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: library
Posts: 19584

Two cannibals pass each other in the night.

-m


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"Ready or not, I'm the illegitimate son of god"

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

30 THINGS A WOMAN CAN SAY TO A NAKED MAN:

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird.



------------------------
never argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 12164

Peter, Peter pumpkin eater...
Had a wife, loved to beat her,
Smakced her twice across the head...
Fucked her ass and went to bed!

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