Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 12164

RED, I WISH TO PUBLICLY APOLOGIZE TO YOU...

Dear RED,

I am SO SORRY! I got up bright and early and was filled with such anticipation at meeting with you and sharing some scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes, oatmeal, toast, milk, coffee, home fries, and a side order of grits with you at the Jackson Hole. I even pressed my underwear for this occasion. Next time, of course, I may even iron them. So I went out and got a newspaper first, because in spite of my terrible reputation here, I do enjoy discussing the day's events and I do try to keep up with things and I wanted to be in tip-top form for our breakfast meeting of scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes, oatmeal, toast, milk, coffee, home fries, and a side order of grits. So after I finished the comic section, I threw out the rest of the paper with last month's garbage and I figured that I would take a nice long walk to meet you since the day was so beautiful here. I could even see the sky. I love to walk along quiet side streets near Park Avenue and see those beautiful flowers that people put in flower pots on their window sills. I even picked a few for you. I had positive feelings, finally--the scars on my wrists were almost completely healed and life was good! OH, SUCH A SPLENDID AND GLORIOUS DAY IT WAS, MY FRIEND!! I even felt like I had conquered one of my worst fears: my fear of low places.

So I walked along with an extra special bounce in my step, and when I stopped to get that pebble out of my shoe, that's when it happened! I WAS KIDNAPPED!!

The kidnappers phoned my father and they asked for a huge amount of money. My father told them that he would give them more money than what they asked for--provided that they kept me.

But all the while, the only thing I could think of was not how to get free or not how my father could be so cold and heartless, but, rather, how I would be missing our breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes, oatmeal, toast, milk, coffee, home fries, and a side order of grits.

I managed to escape from my kidnappers only 1 hour ago. I faked a brain aneurysm and while they were debating what to do, I quietly slipped out of the dog cage I was in. (I actually got the combination from the dog.)

SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME, RED! PRETTY PLEASE!!

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: library
Posts: 19584

Tell your father if he gives me the money i'll kidnap you again.

-m


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Freedom means taking the bad with the good.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona
Posts: 19114

That was one of the most heart wrenching tales I think I have ever read here (excepting that tearjerker that Morgana wrote about losing her ISP). I think he deserves a culture point.

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Don't argue with me.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

what are grits?

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I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
- Calvin (and Hobbes)

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: The land beyond your nightmares
Posts: 404

quote:

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Originally posted by urbanjunkie:
what are grits?

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 10152

quote:

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Originally posted by wonderaz:
I think he deserves a culture point.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: The land beyond your nightmares
Posts: 404

speaking of dishes wasn't i supposed to get a show tonight from you mstrg?

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The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven. John Milton

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

i would say that you've helped in answering my question...but you havent.

quote:

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Originally posted by stipsjd:
It's a nasty food that black people eat and most red necks too

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 10152

From Atomica:

grits (grĭts)
pl.n. (used with a sing. or pl. verb)

A ground, usually white meal of dried and hulled corn kernels that is boiled and served as a breakfast food or side dish.


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SETI@Home: join us!

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: seattle-ish
Posts: 11408

i like grits. hmm.

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http://asylumnation.com/karen
choke me in the shallow water before i get too deep

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

now i know. thankyou for the info

quote:

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Originally posted by MstrG:


grits (grĭts)
pl.n. (used with a sing. or pl. verb)

A ground, usually white meal of dried and hulled corn kernels that is boiled and served as a breakfast food or side dish.

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