-Anth3m-
Stranger Than Fiction
Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Wetaskiwin AB, Canada
Posts: 1438 |
 To all the women: Here's your answers, now leave me alone.
A MAN'S ANSWERS TO EVERY QUESTION A WOMAN EVER ASKS
1.. WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to
your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think
the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not
just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies
behavior. We're just misunderstood.
2.. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN?
Again, this is a
testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just
fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well.
Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's
some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and
memorize it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to
burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.
3.. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much
like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.
4.. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS?
We like to. It's actually a
whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well
chosen) words.
5.. WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth
shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
6.. WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS?
Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of the world nowadays. Farting is
another fun thing for men!!
7.. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS?
Do we look like women to
you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How
are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel?
Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust,
or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a
headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.
8.. WHY CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E., LIE DOWN AND HUG)?
Please ... How
many hours do you think there is in a day? We oblige you as much as we can,
but who the hell (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end?
We men ... Men hunters ... Need go roam ... Starve in cave ... Must go find
wildebeest ... Now sitting on our asses for hours on end on the other hand
is a whole other story.
9.. HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR ASSES ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric
times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of
time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit
very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this
ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber
toothed tigers etc. The end result is that almost all modern men are born
with this innate ability.
10.. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU?"
Men are taught from a tender
young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to
saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not
easy to admit to one's own character faults.
11.. WHY DO MEN SAY "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME?
Ho, Ho, Ho ...
Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire way to get into
your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.
12.. WHY DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME?
We just simply don't have the
energy to answer every single one of your questions. If we think we do not
have the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain
quiet and save the energy for other things.
13.. WHY WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.
14.. WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection.
Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
15.. WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt.
Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants
to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing?
Err ... buying?
------------------
Fastest of 1,000,000 sperm.
**Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.**
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04-25-2001 04:02 AM
