flocat
PINKO
Registered: Aug 2000
Location: LfuckinA
Posts: 3374 |
 We don't need no education
So, good ol' JEB asked me to write some stuff from a teacher's perspective. I haven't forgotten JEB, really. I've been writing it all out in my journal. Some of the stuff you see here will be in my book if it ever gets published. So anyway, here's an excerpt so that you can get an idea.
Yes, we are people! It's amazing how many kids just don't realise this. Of course, if you take a step back and look at it, well, you'll see that it's not an error that they make out of malice. It seems, rather, that we tend to bring it on ourselves. You see, we act like automatons so why won't they think we're anything but?
I guess it's really just part of the job description...another one of those parts that they never tell you about. We have private lives but we're semi-public figures. We shield our private lives but maintain a separate public one in which we are supposed to be extremely fair. Whenever we make a judgment call and help out that one kid, we try to keep them as private as we can so as to not give off the impression that we are unfair to anyone, that we give special treatment to certain people. We're supposed to keep our emotions under tap...we're supposed to.
When I started out in this profession as a student-teacher, I was going through one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with in my short life. The woman whom I had built my life around, the one I was to marry, the one that I loved more than life itself had changed. She claimed to have lost all love for me anymore. She dumped me quick and cold. Having only two friends that I hardly ever spoke to made coping with this problem even mor difficult. I felt alone. And suddenly, I was supposed to take over this class full of kids to teach them? This is stuff they didn't train me for. How the hell do I do this? I'm feeling like a big kid having to deal with major adult problems that were never supposed to happen to me.
So, how did I manage to get through it? I doubt if it was entirely healthy but this is it. I drove a lot. The commute to work took something like two to two-and-a-half hours, sometimes longer. The lengthy commute is for another chapter. Anyway, that's a long time to think about what a screwed-up life you've got now. I would think, dwell, gnash my teeth and I'd say to myself, "You're better off, really--think on something else." But I just couldn't, every song, every fucking car on the freeway reminded me somehow. And then--then, I'd pull into the school's parking lot.
A professor once told us, "When you pull into the parking lot and turn off your engine, turn off your hormones too." It was something he said just in case, just to keep us out of trouble. But I did more than that. I turned off the car; I turned off the emotions, as well. Looking back, I think that's part of where my reputation for being a mean teacher really began. I was cold. I don't remember much else about those first few weeks. I'd leave for home, go to Internet asylum and post my grievances. I got a reputation there, too. I was the petty whiner and complainer. It kind of bothers me now but they're right. Though, it's no real certainty anymore.
I've gotten over that break-up enough to truly believe that I AM better off. I AM indeed a good person. It shows in my teaching but the reputation still follows--I like it. Sometimes, I'll whine; I'll deal. My reality is cooly calculated to come off as human whilst still acting as an automaton.
____________________________________________
Ok, guys, that's it. It's somewhat rough around the edges but so's life. It's a good thing though. I like it. I don't know about you but, I like it...that's what counts, so I'm told.
------------------
Whenever you see someone struggling to be free,look in their eyes and you'll see me.
Report this post to a moderator |
IP: Logged
|
![[new thread]](/images/vb/button_newthread_off.png "Post New Thread")
![[post reply]](/images/vb/button_newreply_off.png "Post A Reply")
07-10-2001 03:23 AM
