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-- the best excuse... (http://www.asylumnation.com/asylum/showthread.php?threadid=1252)

the best excuse...

i got this book for my boss the other day. it's called "the collection of excuses". it's got 714 of the best excuses in the world, for tardiness, work ethic, waittressing, etc. some of the best are:

i was seduced by the dark side.

(for work) these office colors are not conducive for productivity.

i feel suffocated by the walls of my cubicle.

you never trained me on how to deal with that.

(from kids) it was already dead when i found it.

did not.

and the best one of all, for it makes no sense to me whatever:

newt.

that's it, just newt. haha.
do you have an original or eccentric excuse you've used or been given?

"i was drunk"

pretty much works well fine for me

parents: "why didnt you feed the cat?"
me: "i was drunk"

teachers: "why didnt you do your essay?"
me: "i was drunk"

girlfriend: "why did you cheat on me?"

.... you get the idea

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please dont touch me

The best excuse to flame you...
you started it
because i can
you look like the crow
your fugly
you make me non-horny
you look like kenneth keith kalenback from the howard stern show
you look like a man baby
you want to be the female version of me although im a hermaphradite so i own both sexes of my duplicity
because you make me wanna hurl
because you smell of old urine and colostomy bags sauteed in black pepper and douche vinagrette dressing
youre fucking wickitty wickitty wack
because i own you and have papers to prove it
because you just plain suck
because i get msgs from others encouraging me to flame your cottage cheese filled ass into oblivion
because kiss has that makeup design traddemarked
oh shit thats enough for now...bring it on morgasmo for the planet fugly

i was felling disgruntled, thought it was best i stay home.

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

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I gave myself to sin, I gave myself to providence,
And I've been there and back again, the state that I am in ...

I'll have to try that Pang.

Touch, never admit you are drunk. Blame it on food poisioning or sunspots.

Remember this in all situations. Deny, deny, deny.

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I'm still not as fucked up as Touch.

*bows down before Dead's knowledge and learned-ness*

thanks oldtimer

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please dont touch me

quote:

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Originally posted by Anti-Stile:
because you smell of old urine and colostomy bags sauteed in black pepper and douche vinagrette dressing

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