friday tats a bit early

A blonde ordered a pizza and the buy behind the counter asked if she would like it in six or eight slices.
"Oh, six, please," said the blonde, "I couldn't manage eight slices."
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How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is just the same but the plates are stacking in the sink
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An old guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The guy says, "Thank God I haven't got cancer."

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A nurse came out to the waiting room to tell Mr. Smith he's the proud father of a little boy.
He has 10 fingers and 10 toes. Mr. Smith follows her back to the nursery to see his son.
She picks up the baby and throws him down, jumps on his head, kicks him around..
.The guy gets upset and she says, "Relax, he's dead."
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Mum walked into the bathroom one day and found little Johnny furiously scrubbing his member with a toothbrush and toothpaste.
"What the heck do you think you're doing, young man?!" she exclaimed.
"Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned.
"I'm gonna do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's."
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Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of shame was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice trying to reassure him... Howard, don't worry about it. You're not the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last. And, you're single. So just let it go." But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality... "Howard, you're a Vet......."

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Kewl thanks for those

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[erm....] An old guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The guy says, "Thank God I haven't got cancer."

Please note the disclaimer.

[insert uberlaughter here]

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A doctor say to his patient, "You have cancer and will live only for several days."
The patient says, "Id like a second opinion."
The doctor replies, "In that case, you're ugly too."



........BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAaaaaa

/me falls over

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quote:

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An old guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The guy says, "Thank God I haven't got cancer."

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LOL, that's the funniest think ive heard in a LONG time

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In the Old People's Home, there is this old man and an old lady who have a funny sort of relationship. Every day after lunch they would sit and watch TV together and she would get his dick out and sit there holding his dick in her hand. Well, one day she comes in after lunch to see that there is another woman in her chair, holding his dick in her hand. 'What is going on?' she asked, 'what's she got that I haven't got?' 'Parkinsons,' he replied.

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An old man and an old woman get married at age 75. They go to a hotel for their honey-moon and the old man starts unpacking their stuff while the old woman goes into the washroom to get "comfortable". A few minutes later, the old woman comes out in a very sheer negligee and parades in front of her new husband. She has breasts that hang all the way down to her waist.
She slinks over to her husband and says
"Now, before we get started, I have something to tell you – I have acute angina"
The old man looks relived and says "That’s good ‘cause you got really ugly tits"

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