Straightman spotted in local speakeasy

Dateline
October 26 2000
Ill-famed purveyor of unwanted and unpopular opinion Jay Perkey, also known as "Straightman" was spotted by local authorities while visiting the ill-reputed website www.stileproject.com.
It is believed that "Straightman" has been in a top secret safehouse, that our crack investigating reporter has identified as medazzaland.com, a false business front for
forum@skinthehippies Amerikan-Science @www.ezboard.com. This forum is the hiding place of a few spf refugees.
Asylumwhores have been tailing Straightman for several months now, and after today's spotting, believe that they posess enough evidence to bring Mr. Perkey in for questioning.
Asylumwhores Criminal Affairs Chief Investigator Agoust was quoted as saying:
"He's a slippery bastard, but he leaves a trail of shitty hack writing large enough for an illiterate blind man to follow."
Amerikan Science may also face charges of harboring a fugitive
When asked for comment, Straightman replied only:
" And I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for those pesky porn links!"
We go now to commercial break.

"Guys! Tired of that not-so-fresh feeling?
I am too. Hi. My name's Straightman. And I fully endorse Manpons (Tm) .... The manly tampon. Manpons are designed by men, with men in mind. Manpons absorb that manly butt-crack stench while gardening, plumbing, or bending over to pick something up off of the floor. Manpons...
Don't ask where we put 'em. Ask for them by name!"
(Manpons are available at Walgreens, Eckerds Drugs, GNC, and other fine stores)

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nice to see you here.

glad all the spamming from missphinx paid off.

stick around, won't you?

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and so on ...

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Good to be here Pangloss.
Nice little forum... good location, nice neighborhood...and the price is right.

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"I was a Rennaissance Man, Ihad Mona Lisa In my bed"
Eternal Straightman
Cab Over Pete

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Glad to see you here, Straightman. What are you doing for work these days? Last I remember you were working the graveyard shift at a roadside convenience store somewhere in the lower Midwest.

Welcome!

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I'm bouncing a nightclub now. Had to get out of the gas station business. So next time any of youse guys are Knoxville Tn. Come to Michael's and see me. (I'll waive the cover charge for ya, cause that's the kinda guy I am! )

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"I was a Rennaissance Man, Ihad Mona Lisa In my bed"
Eternal Straightman
Cab Over Pete

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Glad you're here Straightman. Perhaps you should choose a title. For some reason, "adorable pussycat" doesn't suit.

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How about
"Adorable pussycat...with syphylis"
How do I go about changing that and my password?
(dad-burned new fangled ro-but machines!)


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"I was a Rennaissance Man, Ihad Mona Lisa In my bed"
Eternal Straightman
Cab Over Pete

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You can change your own password using the profile link at the top of the page .. the title will need to be changed by and admin, of which I am one of six ... just make it 20 characters or less!

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Download the SETI software, then join the Asylum SETI Team!

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Straightman!!!

That's what I'm talking about

Welcome back.

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Hard to believe I beat out 1,000,000 other sperm isn't it?

I've got more flame than an empty lighter.

Sp00ky ownz me.

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Oh, and welcome! Real good to see you here ...

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Download the SETI software, then join the Asylum SETI Team!

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Thanks for the Welcome mstrg.
And it's great to see you again quins.
Man...
all of you folks are making The Straight-One's head swell.


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"I was a Rennaissance Man,had Mona Lisa In my bed"
Eternal Straightman
Cab Over Pete

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I am going to drive over to where ever the fuck they produce the Nick show "Blue's Clues". I am going to kill Steve. No one try to stop me. I am going to take his fucking dog and shove it up his ass. Then I am going to reach down his throat and pull it out. I am going to repeat this until he is dead. Until they both are dead. Dead and gone. No more of that sick and twisted fuck and his dog. No dog should be that color, ever. When I return, I shall welcome you. Unless I go down in a hail of bullets from the boys in... blue. Ack.

[This message has been edited by wonderaz (edited 10-27-2000).]

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Go with my blessings and my best wishes that the cops don't get you.
But if you can remember while in the melee, grab that silly little notebook of his. I think it's where he hides his acid.
How do I know he does acid?
If you spent your free time talking to the Salt and Pepper shakers while hanging with a bl... uh... navy colored dog, wouldn't you?

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hiya straightman
im the forum man-whore and drunkard

nice to see you around, we like newbies

hello straightman. i fuzzily recollect seeing your posts. alas, nothing of importance or redeeming value has stuck in my mind, but everyone's been raving about your talent with wordstuff. so please do post soon, and prove that these lunatics DO have some taste.
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"I knew it was going to be in the last place I looked, so I looked there first." ---Delirium

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Straightman:
Dateline
October 26 2000
Ill-famed purveyor of unwanted and unpopular opinion Jay Perkey, also known as "Straightman" was spotted by local authorities while visiting the ill-reputed website www.stileproject.com.
It is believed that "Straightman" has been in a top secret safehouse, that our crack investigating reporter has identified as medazzaland.com, a false business front for
forum@skinthehippies Amerikan-Science @www.ezboard.com. This forum is the hiding place of a few spf refugees.
Asylumwhores have been tailing Straightman for several months now, and after today's spotting, believe that they posess enough evidence to bring Mr. Perkey in for questioning.
Asylumwhores Criminal Affairs Chief Investigator Agoust was quoted as saying:
"He's a slippery bastard, but he leaves a trail of shitty hack writing large enough for an illiterate blind man to follow."
Amerikan Science may also face charges of harboring a fugitive
When asked for comment, Straightman replied only:
" And I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for those pesky porn links!"
We go now to commercial break.

"Guys! Tired of that not-so-fresh feeling?
I am too. Hi. My name's Straightman. And I fully endorse Manpons (Tm) .... The manly tampon. Manpons are designed by men, with men in mind. Manpons absorb that manly butt-crack stench while gardening, plumbing, or bending over to pick something up off of the floor. Manpons...
Don't ask where we put 'em. Ask for them by name!"
(Manpons are available at Walgreens, Eckerds Drugs, GNC, and other fine stores)

---

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quote:

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Originally posted by AlcoholSoopaFiend:
hiya straightman
im the forum man-whore and drunkard

nice to see you around, we like newbies

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Ahhh, Straightman....the straightest of the straight. Nice seeing you here. You are an ornament to our forum.

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I'm not bad, I'm just rendered that way.

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I remember you. You always could tell the best stories, and they were true, too, which made them that much better.

I had been wondering what had happened to you.

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©RandomnothinG®

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We unearthed, we spammed, we found an old compadre.

HELLO!!! YAY!!!

missphinx
Communications Officer of the Asylum Special Forces

P.S. sphinxy & Agoust make a good Undercover Unit, methinks. As we previously suspected from those long-ago cryptozoology pirating expeditions.

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Amerikan Science... ahhh...my raven haired beauty!
So good to see you again!
I was actually in the middle of a search for you when I was notified by e-mail that you had replied to this topic.
And Skapegoat, I was wondering where my fellow Tennesseean went and hid himself.
Great to see you both!

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quote:

---

Originally posted by missphinx:
We unearthed, we spammed, we found an old compadre.

HELLO!!! YAY!!!

missphinx
Communications Officer of the Asylum Special Forces

P.S. sphinxy & Agoust make a good Undercover Unit, methinks. As we previously suspected from those long-ago cryptozoology pirating expeditions.

---

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I borrowed the handcuffs from JoeyCat
She has *quite* the collection of toys.

Irish, eh?

You should stick that goth post in here, if you're in the mood. It was hilarious.

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I would, but guess what?
I mosied (yeah, I said Mosied) on over to SPF and whaddayaknow!, DELETED.
I'll rewrite it tomorrow morning when I get off of work.
I can remember the most of it. There may be a few revisions.

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"I was a Rennaissance Man,had Mona Lisa In my bed"
Eternal Straightman
Cab Over Pete

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So Straigtman, what's up?

Whatchu been doin with your life?

Tell us a story



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Hard to believe I beat out 1,000,000 other sperm isn't it?

I've got more flame than an empty lighter.

Sp00ky ownz me.

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