Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six
On the seventh day, Michael the archangel found him, resting. He inquired
of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwardsthrough the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place of great balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing todifferent parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Antarctica in the
south will be very cold. Over there I've placed a continent of white people
and over there is a continent of black people."
God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be
extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in
The Archangel impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass
in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth".
There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite
coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent
and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be
extremely sociable, hard-working and high achieving, and they will be
known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also
going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will
be admired and feared by all who come across them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about
balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God smiled and replied wisely. "Wait until you see the stupid loud-mouth
bastards I'm putting next to them."
that shit was hysterical! fucking funny as ass! holy crap was that funny! no really, its really funny! good one! canadians really aren't jealous of america! canadians enjoy living in the shadow of america! good joke! almost as good as:
what is the difference between canada and yogurt?
i know you are all thinking because canada is lame and yogurt is tastey, but the correct answer is: yogurt has an active culture.
In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Canada, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
[This message has been edited by GoFuckYourselves! (edited 12-02-2000).]