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Words of Advice for Young People
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The world is not so complicated a place. Make your decisions, deal with the consequences; things will flow much more smoothly that way.
Learn from your dog - When your ass itches, scratch it.
Music - There's nothing better than good music, and nothing worse than bad music.
The most important principle in life is cost-to-benefit ratio. If the prize assuming that you win is greater than the consequence assuming that you lose, then do it.
Embrace change, because eventually, EVERYTHING changes.
Honestly assess yourself. If you're stupid, don't reproduce. Please.
When manipulating styrofoam or any material that crumbles, close your eyes. Getting that stuff in your eyes sucks.
Guys - The battle over the toilet seat is crucial. Do not compromise. Either put it up or put it down, but don't allow both of these responsibilities to be pressed upon you.
Play something throughout your life. Be it sports, video games, musical instruments, role-playing games, or whatever, always play. When she starts driving you apeshit, THIS is to whence you will escape. Keep the road well-paved.
At all costs, my friends, avoid being "fwing"ed. Especially by a member of the opposite sex. "Fwing" hurts.
Peas and carrots DON'T go together. When Forrest Gump said that he and Jen-ny were "together like peas and car-rots," he was demonstrating that HE WAS HANDICAPPED.
Dislike all you want, but never hate anything.
Value the freedom and dignity and autonomy of all things.
Don't preach to those who do not listen.
Don't argue or debate religious topics. Even if you convince the other party of your position, all you've really accomplished is undermining whatever faith the other person had.
Life really IS like a box of chocolates. If you pay attention, you know EXACTLY what you're going to get. It's written in the top of the box.
If a psychic charges money, he or she is a fraud.
If you want to learn a subject in school, fall in love with the subject. Never fall in love with your teacher.
Optimism, taken to an extreme, is delusion. Likewise, pessimism grows to paranoia. Mediocrity is boring. Pick one and run with it.
Optimists live happier, longer lives, but pessimists are never disappointed.
Like beauty, the difference between efficiency and laziness is in the eye of the beholder.
Grilled cheese sandwiches are made with cheap cheese - nothing better than Velveeta. Buter the bread and sprinkle either with garlic (for sandwiches to have with soup) or with cinnamon sugar (for snacks).
Nothing is more unrealistic than reality television.
Learn basic psychology. If the difference between right- and left-brained people isn't in your repertoire, do some reading.
Always do the extra credit. Never depend on the extra credit.
Your television time needs to be evenly divided between news, cartoons, and everything else.
Loyalty, unfortunately, is no longer appreciated in the workplace. Always fight to improve your station without regard for the needs of your employer, because he can be expected to extend you the same courtesy.
Know your heart and follow it to the exclusion of all else.
Let your ear and your eye be new every day. What you didn't like yesterday may be different to your sensibilities tomorrow.
Eat lobster a hundred times in your own home before attempting it once in public.
Know your limitations. Try to overcome them. If you can't, accept them and joke about them. Rest assured, somebody else already is.
Everywhere you go, know the exits. Know which one is nearest you, and know when it's time to shut the hell up and go through it.
If you're in a monogamous relationship, and you fuck around, you are scum. Admit it, deal with it. Own your scumminess.
If you are in love for the first time, it is going to end. Nothing else to it, that wonderful god or goddess you're worshipping right now is going to do something evil. It's a growth experience for you. I'm sorry for your pain.
"Good Luck," as a quote, is basically a curse of failure. If you HAVE good luck, you'll eventually learn to DEPEND on good luck, and good luck WILL break.
Are you strong? Are you strong enough to kill for someone? Are you strong enough to die for someone? You may be, but are you strong enough to LIVE for someone? This is the TRUE test of your strength; to know that you have the power to continue in all this pain for the benefit of someone who needs you.
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