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Freezing Pain
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I'm buying a house! Woot! Woot! I'm terrified. Its a four-plex actually so maybe I'll even make a little money off it. Two one bedrooms (one large and one small) and two two bedrooms. Deck, fenced in yard, 3 sheds. No garage but room for one in the future. Its even in the neighborhood I grew up in. Its ready for a new roof but otherwise in good condition. I've been living in one of the two-bedrooms for about two years now so there shouldn't be any major surprises. I should talk to a lawyer though because my boyfriend and I are buying it together and I don't know exactly how that works if we aren't married, or if we get married in the future.
So, anyone got any first time home-buying advice?
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I've been with E for over 2 years now. That is by far the longest anyone has been able to put up with me. (note: the father of my children was actually able to put up with me for the better part of five years, but I attribute that to us having children together and him having his head so far up his ass he didn't even recognize the wicked being that I am) Anyway E has put up with my shit for an award winning period of time now, so naturally, I figure we should get married. I dropped the hint to him the other day. Heres how the exchange went down:
Him: What do you think the boy (my son) wants for his birthday?
Me: I bet he'd love a step daddy!
Him: WTF? Is your clock tickin' or something woman?
Me: Well I'm nearing 30 and I think its time I settled down!
Him: I want to pay off my credit cards and buy a house before I get married.
Me: ...
End of conversation. He finished folding the laundry and I got started on dishes.
It was the first time I had ever brought up the issue of marriage. About a year ago, he read a blog post I had written on the subject. In the post, I was vehemently against any sort of legalized commitment. After I learned he had read this, I was sure he had misunderstood the context of the post, which he did. I am not against marriage in any way. I think its wonderful and beautiful that two people can love each other enough to commit themselves to the other for the remainder of their natural lives. What I was against was the floozies who marry based on initial "spark plug" love, without the fuel/air mixture to keep them running. And I made comment on those who marry for the financial benefit, particularly military folk. The military pay scale is based on rank but also on the number of dependents one has. By marrying, especially a woman with kids, a soldiers pay skyrockets. Not to mention the mother has the benefit of free housing plus full health and dental for herself and her children, which is a hard offer to pass up. With the abundance of military up here I see my friends getting married to men they barely know all the time. Hell, I even did it. I married an army guy I knew for less than two months, because I knew what it would mean for me and my family. I am not proud of it, but it was what I had to do at the time, and he completely understood. We both benefited from the contract. He received a pay raise and I no longer had to pay rent or worry about my children getting the health care they needed. We divorced a year later, when I was on my feet enough to support myself and my kids. Some may say I used the system. Perhaps I did. In my humble opinion the system has been using me all my life. Still, I was disturbed that I had used a sacred commitment for my own personal gain, and vowed never to do it again.
Back to the present tense: E and I have been through practically everything together. He has seen the worst of me and loved me through it. I don't understand what credit card debt and home-owners status has to do with love! For once in my life I want to be his, and only his, 'til death do us part. I still feel the same way I did before about marriage, I think too many people get married for the wrong reasons. Isn't it the same thing to not get married because of the same reasons? Credit and mortgage should not be an issue at this point. My love for him and his love for me should trump any financial obligations either of us have. I would not marry him for money. That said, how can he deny marriage for the same?
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I had a dream about my kids last night. Not an actual eventful dream, but more of an image and a warm feeling of having them both on my lap, holding them tight. When I awoke I knew instantly that they were not there, and I started to cry. They are at their dads house 3000 miles away, and I miss them more than I could ever put into logical terms. My daughter lives with her father full time, and our son lives with me. They spend every summer together, with her spending the summer with me every other year and my son spending the summer with her and their dad the years in between. This is one of those in between summers, my son has been gone since early June.
I awoke this morning with a terrible sadness that my kids were so far away. As soon as I composed myself I called their dad and asked to speak to the kids. My daughter gets on the phone and the first thing she says is "Mommy I had a dream about you last night!" I broke down again, trying to keep my voice from cracking while I told her I had dreamt of her as well. She told me she misses me and wants to come live with me again. She also told me that she has a talking stuffed kitty and she's chewing banana flavored bubble gum. Then I talked to my son for a while, who repeatedly asked me why I was so mean to daddy and why I didn't love him any more and why I couldn't move there and we could be a happy family again. After that my daughter got back on the phone and refused to let me go. She rambled on and on and all I wanted to do was just close my eyes and hear her voice. By the end of the conversation I was shaking and weeping so much I could barely hold the phone. I even found myself contemplating if I could put up with their dad just for the sake of being with them every day.
Needless to say, today was one of them days. Its a good thing I didn't have to work because I just laid on the couch and wallowed in my misery all afternoon. I fly out in a couple weeks to go pick up my son, unfortunately I will only be there the weekend and their dad is iffy on whether or not hes going to let me spend any time with our daughter. I would fiercely hate this man had he not helped me to produce such miracles.
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It hit 90 degrees in my part of Alaska today. Thats "peel your sweat-soaked clothes off and stand in front of the fan" weather up here. The vast majority of homes up here are not equipped with air-conditioning, for obvious reasons. Not to mention the vast majority of people in these parts, myself included, are not acclimated to ninety degree weather. Its kind of like the same thing that happens when it snows in Arizona. A few years back I read of a "snowstorm" in AZ where they got up to 4 inches of snow in some parts. Schools, government offices, and even stores closed. In all my life, school has never been closed due to snow or sub zero temperatures. When it got bad, our bus drivers would simply pull over and put the chains on the tires. We have become accustomed to dealing with the cold. The heat, on the other hand, is a different story. The problem is that when you're cold, you can always add more layers to keep warm, but when your hot - you can only get so naked. I actually have daydreams of peeling the outer layers of my skin off like a wet-suit just to cool down. The heat makes me intensely miserable. And cranky I might add. As is the case with pretty much everyone else around here. But I do see a light at the end of the tunnel. Its just after midnight and its actually almost DARK! I haven't seen the stars in three months. I doubt it will get dark enough tonight to see them, but its a welcome sign, nonetheless. Perhaps the torturous summer is packing its bags and leaving us to our blessed 9 months of cold, dark, beautiful winter. I can hardly wait!
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Before you get all crazy on me, it's not what you think. It's my job.
I live in Alaska, that big state just northwest of Canada that everyone always forgets about. There are about three good sized cities and hundreds of small villages (AKA the "bush"). Most of these villages are dry, meaning alcohol is strictly prohibited. However a few of the more populated, progressive villages allow some alcohol. They are referred to as "damp" communities. In these damp communities, the village elders or other forms of local government determine the extent of alcohol regulation. I'll use Barrow as an example. The City of Barrow issues permits to persons who are eligible to posses alcohol. The requirements of a permit are as follows:
1. Must be at least 21 years of age (duh)
2. Must not have a delinquent account with the City of Barrow
3. Within 2 years of the date of application, must not have been convicted of, pleaded guilty or no contest to a violation or any provision of “bootlegging” or any crimes involving weapons, sexual assault, domestic violence, violation of a protective order, driving while intoxicated, or refusing to submit to a chemical test
4. Must be a person whose domicile is either the City of Barrow or a place where the importation of alcohol has not been prohibited
There are also limits on how much alcohol one can posses. Limits are set per person, per month. Each month, an individual may posses not more than:
11 gallons or 5 cases of malt beverages/beer
4.5 liters or 6 bottles of distilled spirits
20 liters, 4 boxes OR 26 bottles of wine
In addition, alcohol must be imported as local sale of alcohol is prohibited. This is where I come in. The liquor store I work in is the main supplier to most of these villages. I take orders from the bush communities, package them, and put them on the plane.
I do believe this makes me the single most loved person in greater Alaska!
(And I really wanted to post a blog titled "Bush Liquor")
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