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Sad
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I had a dream about my kids last night. Not an actual eventful dream, but more of an image and a warm feeling of having them both on my lap, holding them tight. When I awoke I knew instantly that they were not there, and I started to cry. They are at their dads house 3000 miles away, and I miss them more than I could ever put into logical terms. My daughter lives with her father full time, and our son lives with me. They spend every summer together, with her spending the summer with me every other year and my son spending the summer with her and their dad the years in between. This is one of those in between summers, my son has been gone since early June.
I awoke this morning with a terrible sadness that my kids were so far away. As soon as I composed myself I called their dad and asked to speak to the kids. My daughter gets on the phone and the first thing she says is "Mommy I had a dream about you last night!" I broke down again, trying to keep my voice from cracking while I told her I had dreamt of her as well. She told me she misses me and wants to come live with me again. She also told me that she has a talking stuffed kitty and she's chewing banana flavored bubble gum. Then I talked to my son for a while, who repeatedly asked me why I was so mean to daddy and why I didn't love him any more and why I couldn't move there and we could be a happy family again. After that my daughter got back on the phone and refused to let me go. She rambled on and on and all I wanted to do was just close my eyes and hear her voice. By the end of the conversation I was shaking and weeping so much I could barely hold the phone. I even found myself contemplating if I could put up with their dad just for the sake of being with them every day.
Needless to say, today was one of them days. Its a good thing I didn't have to work because I just laid on the couch and wallowed in my misery all afternoon. I fly out in a couple weeks to go pick up my son, unfortunately I will only be there the weekend and their dad is iffy on whether or not hes going to let me spend any time with our daughter. I would fiercely hate this man had he not helped me to produce such miracles.
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