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The "M" word
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I've been with E for over 2 years now. That is by far the longest anyone has been able to put up with me. (note: the father of my children was actually able to put up with me for the better part of five years, but I attribute that to us having children together and him having his head so far up his ass he didn't even recognize the wicked being that I am) Anyway E has put up with my shit for an award winning period of time now, so naturally, I figure we should get married. I dropped the hint to him the other day. Heres how the exchange went down:
Him: What do you think the boy (my son) wants for his birthday?
Me: I bet he'd love a step daddy!
Him: WTF? Is your clock tickin' or something woman?
Me: Well I'm nearing 30 and I think its time I settled down!
Him: I want to pay off my credit cards and buy a house before I get married.
Me: ...
End of conversation. He finished folding the laundry and I got started on dishes.
It was the first time I had ever brought up the issue of marriage. About a year ago, he read a blog post I had written on the subject. In the post, I was vehemently against any sort of legalized commitment. After I learned he had read this, I was sure he had misunderstood the context of the post, which he did. I am not against marriage in any way. I think its wonderful and beautiful that two people can love each other enough to commit themselves to the other for the remainder of their natural lives. What I was against was the floozies who marry based on initial "spark plug" love, without the fuel/air mixture to keep them running. And I made comment on those who marry for the financial benefit, particularly military folk. The military pay scale is based on rank but also on the number of dependents one has. By marrying, especially a woman with kids, a soldiers pay skyrockets. Not to mention the mother has the benefit of free housing plus full health and dental for herself and her children, which is a hard offer to pass up. With the abundance of military up here I see my friends getting married to men they barely know all the time. Hell, I even did it. I married an army guy I knew for less than two months, because I knew what it would mean for me and my family. I am not proud of it, but it was what I had to do at the time, and he completely understood. We both benefited from the contract. He received a pay raise and I no longer had to pay rent or worry about my children getting the health care they needed. We divorced a year later, when I was on my feet enough to support myself and my kids. Some may say I used the system. Perhaps I did. In my humble opinion the system has been using me all my life. Still, I was disturbed that I had used a sacred commitment for my own personal gain, and vowed never to do it again.
Back to the present tense: E and I have been through practically everything together. He has seen the worst of me and loved me through it. I don't understand what credit card debt and home-owners status has to do with love! For once in my life I want to be his, and only his, 'til death do us part. I still feel the same way I did before about marriage, I think too many people get married for the wrong reasons. Isn't it the same thing to not get married because of the same reasons? Credit and mortgage should not be an issue at this point. My love for him and his love for me should trump any financial obligations either of us have. I would not marry him for money. That said, how can he deny marriage for the same?
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