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Large Filipino
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He's gonna be a dad soon. Today we found out his lady has to rest till this baby comes out. She has to take a leave from her job. So my son calls and tells me this. Tells me he may need some financial help offering to do whatever I need done around the house even though he already has a good full time job.
It's amazing what this unborn child is doing to him. Baby not due till October. When most guys anymore continue embracing the party lifestyle my son is right there making sure her lady is doing well.
I'm so proud of him,you know? Turned 22 yesterday.
"Of course were gonna help you son" was what I said. You make sure your lady is not stressing out.
All I care about right now is that they are not stressed out about anything. That's all.
I guess that's always been that way for me. Looking out for others before myself.
I'm so glad it rubbed off on him.
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I had an amazing dream last night. I was watching the news that the Rapture is here. GOD is levitating all the Christians up in the sky while the rest look on in awe. What's really odd about all this was that not every church member floated up. Kids would be floating up but not always their mother. They would be screaming for their children and yet the children and the others floating would not look down. They kept looking up and looked fascinated.
And then suddenly,it was all over. All the Christians were GONE. Then the laws started changing because those that were left started growing a pair and did away with the electoral college and changed the term limits you can hold a Congress chair to 4 years . Stem cell research in full swing. People are stepping off of their wheelchairs. Gay Marriage became legalized across the USA and now they can finally claim their spouse as a beneficiary. The entire country also became Pro Choice and yet Abortion actually DECLINED because moms aren't being nagged at and told what to do and are not aborting their babies out of spite but are making sensible choices.
But then there was also some hardships. Jon Steward had no one to pick on anymore. Across the pond in Iraq people have lost all hope of Allah because he never showed up. But some good came out of that though because they were starting to realize how dumb killing yourself really was and the war ended.
With the Rapture here and now gone,Religion is over. People started opening their eyes. They saw similarities among their neighbors. Things were really starting to look rather peaceful. Sarah Palin killed herself because she didn't float away. But her grandson did. No one else in her family. The Tea Party people became The Emo Party People and stopped caring.
Then I saw John Lennon appear from the clouds. Then Michael Jackson. It was amazing.
Then I woke up with my TV still on. It was the 700 club. Pat Robertson was speaking.
That right there.
Right there I realized.
It was only a dream.
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All my life my goals surround my family. It always has. From the moment I became a father thru two kids every time I had a little extra money to put aside I did just that. One time in my life I wanted to save up for a boat. Then it was for a Harley. Then I thought if I can save up even more I can get something really nice for myself so I made a little hole in the wall of my garage. My change would go in there. Can't throw paper money critters may chew into it. So my change would go in it and it would build. But it seems every month I had to empty it if not for my son needing something for his sports it was my daughter needing something for dancing school.
This cycle continues on and on there was always some added drama around my family I also had my mother in law living with us. My manlihood it seems was always tested day after day and I learned to just make do with it and please my wife in any means necessary even when it seemed I never take any credit.
Fast forward to today.My mother in law lived with us for 17 years never acknowledged me until towards the end before she passed on but it was nice. Really nice. I have been married 22 years. I'm still only 43 but my kids have grown and are doing well.
My son has a job. He graduated from high school. I have always taught him to never raise a hand at a woman. I never have. He went thru a bad relationship with someone that cheated but seems to be in a good relationship now. When he borrows money he always pays me back I think I did good by him.
My daughter we always kept her busy. As much as I hated having her in dancing school because it was so expensive we carried on because she loved it. Even when she had stopped she did after school stuff. Drama club. Involved with plays. Always kept busy. So what came of it? No boyfriend drama. I never had to invest in a shot gun. BREEZED thru Navy Boot Camp and now ready to serve our country. She makes some money now and is saving up to be independent. She tells us she no longer needs our help.
So now here I stand today. We have some extra money now. Wife has a good job. I had a good raise in my Host Home thing. Kids are grown. I invested a little change in my motorized bicycles. So now I can actually save some money and buy some real toys.
I STILL want a Harley. Maybe with a side car so I can take my Host Home person along. A Cadillac would be nice. Show the world I'm doing okay. A Corvette would be sweet. Maybe I can repair my credit and finance a 2010 Camaro ever seen one of them? Or I can fix up our kitchen. I always wanted to extend my driveway and build another garage.
Naw. My F-150 is a 2 wheel drive. I want a 4x4 but you really only need a 4x4 even in Colorado maybe twice or three times a year. A Harley? Well I got my bicycles. I still enjoy tinkering with that and I seem to attract more attention than the Harley crowd. And do I really want to pay to keep yet another car?
I'll just keep my money aside. My kids may need me again.
I need that.
I need to feel needed.
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I gave this some deep thought today while passing out in the steam room at Bally's. I honestly wouldn't care one way or the other but I've been raised in a Christian environment with strong christian values and strong christian parents my older brother is a Christian minister so I guess there you go. Maybe it's my Christian background that allowed me to stay married all these years turning away from the temptations of this world or I just chose to keep a fairly straight line either way my christian background had to have some influence in my decision makings.
So here's my deep thought. You live a full life you go to church you pay your dues and you die. You win. You go to heaven. But then you don't see your dad. Turns out you didn't know but Dad has been sinning on a daily basis with other women so off to hell he went for all eternity.
So you just shrug your shoulders and continue on with your eternal sanctuary while a person that you love so deeply is SCREAMING IN PAIN for ever and ever.
Maybe it could be your wife. Or one of your kids.
How is this heaven? It's like laying in a soothing hot tub while your baby is getting burned alive and it's okay.
So that is the Christian reality. That is if any of your loved ones died not knowing the true grasp of a person you don't personally know that lived 2,000 years ago and ended up in hell would be sheer torment for you so that you cannot possibly REST in heaven and is now living your own hell.
To REALLY REST in heaven you must save as many people as you can. In fact,you must save EVERYONE you even REMOTELY care about because if you don't you would be an ABSOLUTE MONSTER if you turn away from their burning state.
So you must be a fanatic to have a chance at eternal peace. You must ENFORCE God's law on your loved ones so YOU won't see the eternal pain they will have because YOU FAILED THEM.
Why do we care SO MUCH about a God that guarantees an eternity of pain simply by NOT BELIEVING in him?
I believe in my family. I believe in love. I also believe in Freedom and Science.
But do I believe in a God that uses scare tactics? A God that loves you very much as long as you love him back MORE THAN ANYONE ON THIS EARTH? As long as you love him so much that if your own baby was ON FIRE you will trust THIS MANIAC OF A GOD that this is the right thing to do?
Please.
Definition of CULT.
Yes I think Christianity ties in to it.
We need a UFO already.
Four kids are in a classroom. Teacher rewards each child with a candy bar for doing what is told to them. Two out of the four gets a candy bar. One of the two attentive boys feels badly for the two that did not get a reward so he cuts his bar in half and gives it to the two that did not get a bar.
So Who is the Christian here? According to the Christian Reality two of the boys followed all the rules and got Candy Bars. One gave his candy bar away.
According to the Christian Reality,the one that kept his candy bar is the Christian. The other two should have followed the rules. And the one that shared his candy bar did not want his reward. He is no Christian.
Now go smoke a bowl.
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There are many things in this world we can disagree on that's just life,man. Someone will always do us wrong.
I like Obama. There are things he has done that's rather fucked up Cash for Clunkers don't even make any fucking sense some e mail I got said something like 3 billion we spent and we saved 352 million or something whatever but the bottom line here is that Congress controls our shit and they voted for it. Obama may be the captain but even the captain cannot physically force to steer his crew the right way. The crew would have to trust their leader before they will follow what he says.
I really have nothing against Republicans. It just floors me though how 9 out of 10 times they be voting against our president. But a Republican is just that. The value here is keeping that paycheck as tax free as humanly possible sure I'm in on that. In a perfect world wouldn't we all just love to see our gross pay be our take home pay?
But what about the entire picture? If we in this perfect Republican world ran it where the rich get the breaks they so deserve and hope it trickles down when it gets as bad as it got just before Bush finished his term and we fell into a recession how does this make us look to the rest of the world?
It's just life that justifies having to pay our taxes every pay check. But we all eventually see the fruits of our sacrifice don't we?
I mean I'm sure most of us went to Public School. Most of us have taken out a book in the library. Most of us at one time or another needed the help of a fireman or a policeman. So why all the negativity surrounding a public Health Care Option?
Sure it's gonna take a hit on our taxes. But look at the big picture.
Mister Wealthy has his own health insurance. He's the apithaty of health he works out eats the right foods and does everything right.
We are under the current health care where this 5% doesn't have the means to see the doctor. This 5% cannot see the doc for a H1N1 shot. In fact,that 5% turns into millions and then it mutates to a fucking air born virus that's just as bad if not worst than contracting AIDS.
But what if we had a Public option? Then suddenly just show your ID card to the doc and they'll set you up for an appointment. You get your preventative care. Millions on top of the already insured get the shot.
H1N1 is not given the chance to mutate except to the illegals that couldn't show their ID unless we make vaccinations available to all.
What is that worth to us?
All I'm saying is that there will always be fucking crooks out there crossing the border or popping babies for a fatter welfare check. It's gonna happen unless we fucking shoot them all or make popping babies without the means to take care of them illegal.
But what comes around goes around. The business owner may see higher production because their employees are more healthy. Maybe we can put a clause in this public option that would lower your rate if you can prove you are trying to lose weight and get more fit or something.
But to me it's all about the big picture.
Domino effect.
If bum on the street didn't take the H1N1 shot and sneezed on Mr Executive then Mr Executive walks into his building and spreads it to everyone. All get sick some may even die but production goes down.
I just think of it as an investment to our nations overall health. And I think it's worth doing if only some of the shipmates would trust their captain to steer them in the right direction.
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Back when my daughter was small enough to not be too tall to play in McDonald's play house she used to love to go there and play around.
Signs were everywhere that states no one over this tall allowed and no more than 6 people at a time.
She was all alone playing in that little gym.
Suddenly about eight 12 year olds too tall to be playing in there started taking over this play house and before I can yell to get my girl out of there then complain to the management I heard a blood curdling scream.
It was my daughter one of those bastards fucking stepped on her hand.
I fucking yelled at those kids the parent in charge didn't know a word of english or at least they pretended to not know I don't know man but these kind of people that act like they can do no wrong needs to die.
My daughter was yelling for me to get a band aid and I was screaming "Does this place have a first aid kit" oh man was I hot.
I raised fucking hell in that place threatening to have this franchise closed down I almost knocked down that non english speaking parent after yelling at all the kids of course no one fessed up to who did it and when I stopped yelling you can hear a pin drop everyone had their eyes fixated on me.
From the moment my little girl started screaming and she was deep inside that playhouse right there I felt like I couldn't help my little girl.
Right there was when I started flipping the script.
Today I was with my daughter. She swore in at the Military office downtown then my wife and I along with a lot of her friends met up with her at DIA airport. I even had my host home guy he did quite well.
Here comes the plane a few hours later. Here comes the hugs and tears.
It was hard for me man.
I fucking bawled over there.
I really didn't care how it looked.
We hugged,told her I loved her and was very proud of her.
Then I gave her a band aid.
She knew right away.
The head person in charge there was a small Navy crew that was bording along with my daughter tells us "Don't worry. We'll all take good care of her."
"YOU ALL BETTER TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER" was my reply.
8 weeks.
8 weeks.
She'll make it.
I hope.
But even if she doesn't,
Daddy's right here.
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I just came back from New Mexico the clan all gathered together for July 4th everyone showed up it was quite nice.
It's all my in laws the ones that I thought didn't really like me but it's not like that.
This weekend I really felt like family.
So I got to thinking.
Married 22 years this month what was it that made me feel so negative towards my in laws in the past and why suddenly everyone seems way cool?
It only takes one in the clan. One to gossip about the ones they have a strong criticism against and one to spread this infection to the others.
Everybody has one in the clan.
Everyone.
And that one that does this makes you really believe it's everyone doing this to you.
Don't get me wrong. I loved my mother in law RIP she was the glue that bonded the clan together even after death she is still the glue and with that she is very much alive.
But then suddenly I have no feelings of contempt.
She used to joke and criticize whatever I did and I allowed that shit to get to me. And it made me angry at times.
But now when I look back she really was only kidding.
If I would have only just accepted all that as a joke and not let shit get to me maybe my relations with the clan may have been good the whole time.
Life is too short.
That's my life lesson.
Life is too short to be angry that someone in the clan got the better of you.
So what.
The clan means everything.
Without it life is less meaninful.
When we parted ways today many cried.
Many hugged my daughter because she's about to start her Naval career.
There's some real love here dawgs.
And I feel very lucky.
And that's just my inlaws.
Life is too short to hold a grudge.
Shit happens. So what.
Just wanted to share that.
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Yesterday woke me up. I was doing my usual ride on Cronus,one of my engine assist bicycles when my tire blew out a good 7 miles away from home. I was rather dehydrated by the time I had gotten home you can check out my video's in my"doing something about my mid life crisis" thread and both my legs had cramped up halfway home.I walked half my distance with two cramped legs it got so bad I started up Cronus just so I didn't have to push her. I mean sure I'm an idiot I should have stopped ANYWHERE and asked to drink from a garden hose I had no money for a bottled water but I didn't do that and I continued home.
I could have called my wife to come get me. She can't drive my standard shift truck I call Luther but I could have easily just locked up my bike have her take me home then bring Luther to pick up my bike but I didn't do that either because I really didn't think I was that far away from home and my pride was behind me. I chose to ride my bicycle to my destinations I choose to live with the consequences.
So that tire that EXPLODED had just 40 psi of air in it. It even says max inflation is 65 psi. It was one of them ultra thick gel tubes inside a Kelvar tire with thick sidewalls. I mean JESUS CHRIST MAN! WTF??
Why did that tire EXPLODE??
Today I got on the scale.
Last time I was bummed out when I saw I weighed 280. That was the exact weight I was before my quintuple heart surgery.
After surgery I had dropped to 250 and I don't know why but I should have kept going.
I stepped on the scale today and it says 290.
Two fucking ninety.
I never in my life weighed this much.
And I wonder how I fucking blew my tire..
That's it man.
This time for real.
FOR REAL.
I gotta lose my weight if I ever want to ride my bikes to Cherry Creek again.
I LOVE those rides and my bikes are I mean they are TUNED IN and NOTHING can go wrong mechanically except because I'm so heavy I could blow another tire.
I gotta lose some weight so I can live.
Things happen to my body man and I just shrug it off.
Yesterday all kinds of things were screaming at me. Not just my legs.
My heart was racing I could hear it in my head.
Everything became bright for a spell then it was okay.
I mean I just druged on and today I feel fine now.
But man.
What would have happened if I just dropped dead out there with no one around on that lonely bike trail.
My goal.
To lose 90 pounds by early next spring.
No set date.
I want to update this daily at night what I ate what excersise I did fucking EVERYTHING.
I need this.
I got myself some life insurance last week because I have this feeling sometimes I may not last that 10 year term.
I'm gonna see my doc next week and tell him all this.
He really needs to give me more attention.
Fucking HMO man.
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I'm a huge survivor fan and the thing I notice about that show is that the one that wins the million dollars is usually the one that slithers by quietly and doesn't make himself or herself known to everyone. When you become well liked you are a threat and will eventually be eliminated. If you win reward challenges you are also a threat. In fact,anything good about you in this game is considered a threat and with some exceptions usually the person that wins is the person most watching would not have wanted to win.
I feel like I'm at a point of my life when I can look back at some of the choices that I've made. From the time I was 12 years old I had a paper route and I always strive to do well. The people in the neighborhood seems to have liked me usually tipped me well because I would take that extra step to ensure they always had a dry paper. No I wasn't the paperboy that would just throw the paper at their driveway. I would take it up to their doorstep and put it inside a special box that I suggested to some to have and they loved me for it. Even the ones that never tipped I would still do this for.
I was raised to respect my elders so it didn't matter. I was getting payed to do this job at 12 and I strived to do this well.
I've always been like this. In every job that I have had I strived to do better and better.
Another job in particular I had was at a plastic injection plant where they made plastic and medical parts. There was this machine that bagged spoons,forks and knives. You had three cardboard boxes in front of you and stacks of other boxes next to you that you had to open when your boxes ran out. Then you pull a knife,fork and spoon and put it in it's little pocket on the machine. Then this machine would move it every second and it would bag it,seal it and drop it in an empty box that was originally the box the individual parts were in. You can turn off the machine to catch up or move the boxes around and stuff.
So the factory record in production in this machine for a 12 hour shift was 21 boxes. This record was held by a long time staff there and it stood for many years.
So looking at this machine I figured out that I can use both my hands to pick up the knife fork and spoon. With the knives on the left,the spoons in the middle box and the forks on the right I would with my left hand pick up and twirl the utensils so it's upright in order,knife,spoon fork and with my right hand it would be fork,knives on the left then spoon in the middle.
So at the same speed as everyone else when I did it this way I had two sets on each hand to put in two pockets to their one so essentially I was going twice as fast as everyone else at this machine.
So on one shift I had this machine for the full 12 hours and the time to beat this record was today.
When that 12 hour shift ended I ended up with 32 boxes.
So you think breaking a record like this would be a cool thing?
Hell no.
Soon afterwards I was getting blamed for mistakes the break people made when I would take my breaks to the point that a month later I was let go.
Voted out.
And my previous 15 year job goddamnit I truly went above and beyond and cared a whole lot about the people I served man took them to places the newer staff stressed about even the thought of them doing the same so bye bye me.
Fuck it.
Nothing I can do about it now.
So.
Reason for this blog?
Some advice to all.
If you want to keep a job that you like,
Stay invisible.
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I tell people here all the time how I dislike conservative families because they like to judge others and try to mend everyone towards their own values and the world would never ever be the best it can ever be until everyone adapts to their values. I've always felt this to be so wrong,that we are a free country,free to do whatever it is we desire as long as we are not hurting a fellow neighbor.
I may look down on them because in my mind I'm thinking the parents are shielding too much reality from them,censoring everything they watch to the point that when the real world hits them they may not handle life as they envision it to be. I also see extreme examples where the husband does near nothing for he makes the money and the wife does near everything. But it works for them I guess.
I don't like the conservative way.I have raised my kids to think freely. So far they are doing alright.
But during the day after my morning ride and doing errands while waiting at home for my host home guy to come home I turn on the TV and watch the Maury Povitch show. There I see young girls out of control and gets thrown in jail by this huge muscular black man till they cry their way to see what fools they have been. Then I see these moms with dudes that swear that baby is not theirs and dudes that actually believe they can fool a lie detector test.
The whole time I'm asking myself "Where do they get these people? And the answer is that these people wait in line to get on national tv to spew to the world what total fucking idiots they are with absolutely no consideration to what they are doing to their babies because when they grow up and get friends they may come over at their house and see their mom's proud Maury display to show that Mama was important enough to be on TV 12 years ago. The fact that she was looking for his daddy is besides the point.
Then there's Jerry Springer. If that's not any indication of what this world is turning into I don't know what is.
Steve Wilkos. Now there's a man after my own heart. I like his show for he's judgmental to his guests showing the world what this world has become and yet people still pick on him in viewer mail that he's too hard on his guests.
Right there it hit me.
Steve Wilkos is about as conservative as you can get.
I look at my own life and I could have fooled around but I didn't. I was always respectful of my elders. I have always addressed them as MR. or Mrs.,sir or mam. My wife of 21 years is the only woman I have ever been intimate with. In every respect I really should be conservative.
So why don't I say I am otherwise? Because I don't like how they try to change laws and succeed based only on their values.
And yet here I am. Secretly I DO want to see changes. But it's more extreme to me than the views of some that think Gay marriage should be outlawed.
It's far far different with me.
I think that there's nothing at all wrong with gay marriage but DIVORCE should be outlawed or at least be made incredibly hard to do.
I think that if your kid mis behaves you should not be afraid of having Social Services come knocking at your door over a false accusation. Parents need some leverage back.
I also think these reality shows need to be thrown away. My God MTV is not the way our children should live. Bring back fucking Little House on the Prairie. Shit.
I just needed to get that out. I personally will TRY not to look judgmental.
It seems when I can't see myself looking down at a conservative family,maybe I may be actually looking up at them.
I can't believe I actually just typed that.
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