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I want to live
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Yesterday woke me up. I was doing my usual ride on Cronus,one of my engine assist bicycles when my tire blew out a good 7 miles away from home. I was rather dehydrated by the time I had gotten home you can check out my video's in my"doing something about my mid life crisis" thread and both my legs had cramped up halfway home.I walked half my distance with two cramped legs it got so bad I started up Cronus just so I didn't have to push her. I mean sure I'm an idiot I should have stopped ANYWHERE and asked to drink from a garden hose I had no money for a bottled water but I didn't do that and I continued home.
I could have called my wife to come get me. She can't drive my standard shift truck I call Luther but I could have easily just locked up my bike have her take me home then bring Luther to pick up my bike but I didn't do that either because I really didn't think I was that far away from home and my pride was behind me. I chose to ride my bicycle to my destinations I choose to live with the consequences.
So that tire that EXPLODED had just 40 psi of air in it. It even says max inflation is 65 psi. It was one of them ultra thick gel tubes inside a Kelvar tire with thick sidewalls. I mean JESUS CHRIST MAN! WTF??
Why did that tire EXPLODE??
Today I got on the scale.
Last time I was bummed out when I saw I weighed 280. That was the exact weight I was before my quintuple heart surgery.
After surgery I had dropped to 250 and I don't know why but I should have kept going.
I stepped on the scale today and it says 290.
Two fucking ninety.
I never in my life weighed this much.
And I wonder how I fucking blew my tire..
That's it man.
This time for real.
FOR REAL.
I gotta lose my weight if I ever want to ride my bikes to Cherry Creek again.
I LOVE those rides and my bikes are I mean they are TUNED IN and NOTHING can go wrong mechanically except because I'm so heavy I could blow another tire.
I gotta lose some weight so I can live.
Things happen to my body man and I just shrug it off.
Yesterday all kinds of things were screaming at me. Not just my legs.
My heart was racing I could hear it in my head.
Everything became bright for a spell then it was okay.
I mean I just druged on and today I feel fine now.
But man.
What would have happened if I just dropped dead out there with no one around on that lonely bike trail.
My goal.
To lose 90 pounds by early next spring.
No set date.
I want to update this daily at night what I ate what excersise I did fucking EVERYTHING.
I need this.
I got myself some life insurance last week because I have this feeling sometimes I may not last that 10 year term.
I'm gonna see my doc next week and tell him all this.
He really needs to give me more attention.
Fucking HMO man.
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