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The Earthern Vessel, revised
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She remembers crawling up onto his lap. At the age of three,life is seen in a unique way. We see 'the glow', we are in tune with the force of the others, we want love and fear the hate but each are in the air around us and depending on who is there with you, depends on your very breathe.
Can you smell it?
She reachs out for him and although his frame is that of a weary, wrinkled old man, she sees his spirit is still free.He has remained a child inside after all the years of earth and lifes wear on him.
He smiles as he scoops her up, well, her, her blanky and teddy bear in her grasp, and feels the warmth from his very soul comforting her and surrounding her in peace. The chair begins to rock and her breathing calms,inhaling love.
It isn't until she is tucked safe in his arms that she feels is it ok the look around and watch the other adults,tonight the house is full of them.
It's all she can do is look.She can't hear over the stereo that is turned up to deafing decibels.
She could scream, she thinks to herself, just to see if she can top the stereo. A release. But a true scream comes from deep inside and finds it's way out exhaled with the hatred breathed earlier. This night that place was too far away and although the room smelled of alcohol, cigerettes, and the bad smell of hate, it couldn't reach her.
She laid her head on his chest and relaxed so thankful he is here.
She knows if he wasn't that she would not be able to stop herself from screaming. It would be too overwhelming for her and she would have a price to pay like last time.
but they don't understand.
I couldn't control it.
Not even this earthen vessel can hold back the voice of the spirit.
+++++++++++++++++++++
She awoke hours later, the sun had begun to shine thru the slit in the curtains where they had been drawn together but fell apart now.
It was silent all around her. Glancing around with her first morning eyes she seen adults sleeping on the floor and couch. Cans, bottles and glasses everywhere, some tipped over spilling their contents and staining the rug. *momma's going to have alot to do today*
She heard on odd sound from the old man, a rattle in his breathing and it frightened her. She sat up quickly and looked at him to see if he was awake or asleep. He faintly smiled as he pulled her close and hugged her very hard all the while the noise was there. Then it ceased.
She knew something wasn't right but didn't know what. She straddled his lap and took the wrinkled face into her tiny hands trying with all her might to hold his head. He exhaled his last breathe which she had no choice but to breathe in, then he wouldn't hold his head up anymore, nor could she.
She lifted his eye lids needing to see his spirit thru his eyes but it was so dark inside him now. His spirit was gone and nothing took it's place.
She laid her head on his shoulder and hugged him tight. She didn't want to let go, ever ,she needed him but he had left and her small hands couldn't stop him from going.
He grew cold to touch but she held on to him until momma's warm hands picked her up and pulled her to herself. After a good morning hug and kiss she was set down on the floor as her momma started talking to the old man.
When momma touched him it must have made all her hate from the inside come out all at once.
momma's scream woke up everyone.
I was afraid momma was going to get in trouble, but she didn't.
+++++++++++++++++++++
She had helped Momma all day readying the place, it was more perfect then she could ever remember, her and momma worked hard to make it that way.
That night daddy was coming back.The way everyone talked, he was a hero coming home from a war, a man to honor and be proud to know. Neither of the two could contain their excitement all day waiting for him.
It got dark out but she was still dressed in her pink flowered dress looking all of 5 years old now. Momma had done her hair up and told her to take care not to mess it up, it had to all be perfect.
The night wore on with no sign of daddy. She fell asleep on the couch, exhausted and unable to stay awake any longer.
The loud voices woke her and sitting up she tried to focus her eyes, rubbing the sleep away and she felt a yawn come out of nowhere, her eyes focused in time to see a man squeezing one of her mommas arms and very quickly the other hand rose and slapped momma across the face.
The slap filled the room, mommas cries followed.
She had to be dreaming but her ears told her that it wasn't a dream. Daddy was home at last, although drunk and angry because his little girl fell asleep and didn't greet him at the door.
Scared and confused she bolted from the couch and ran to her room, she snatched up her teddy and blanky and ran to the farthest corner squatting, hoping to become one with the walls- but the walls wouldn't listen.
Daddy reached in and turned on the light. She sunk more in her place afraid of this stranger. He giggled at her fear as he walked into the room, knealing in front of her he reached out his hand for her to take, the very one that struck momma.
Looking into his eyes she seen a mix of things, alot of 'blackness' she didn't understand. She hadn't seen that before and although she was frightened of it, she was also curious as to what made it's way into her daddys soul. Such a void like that, a mixture of hate and love. A life of it's own. She knew her daddy was half dead inside...and half alive...
but at this moment he tried hard to push the love to the front and his eyes reflected his struggle.
As not to make matters worse, she took her daddys hand and stood up in front of him.
'Welcome home, Hero.' was the first words she ever spoke to her daddy. He smiled at her and pulled her close to hug her. She hugged him back but held her breathe not because of the alcohol permiating from his breathe, but because she was afraid to breathe, afraid to inhale whatever had found it's way into his soul.
A contagious evil within she wanted no part of.
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