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Thoughts on God
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These are not especially profound, I know, but I thought I'd write them down anyway.
I think a lot about God, God's nature, and such. First, I'm mostly sure that I believe in God. It's not 100%, but it's enough that I talk to God regularly, and behave accordingly. I do often start prayers with "God, please forgive me for not being sure I believe in you", and hope that God has a sense of humor.
I don't base this belief in any particular chain of logic, or because of one particular experience. I have had several experiences which I believe to be a somewhat direct experience of God's presence, but I'm all too aware that there are other explanations for those experiences. I have concluded that I believe in God, primarily because I want to, and because God is one possible explanation for many wonderful things in my life.
Then, though, I must consider what sort of God this is, as God has never told me God's name. (I try to avoid using gendered pronounds when talking about God). On many questions regarding God, the only conclusion I can reach is that I have no idea, or that very likely I cannot understand. In general, though, here is what I believe, on most days:
God is, at least in some ways and at some level, psychologically recognizable to a human. That is, God is intelligent and alive, and capable of communicating with us. God is almost certainly not limited to such types of life and consciousness, but I think God is *capable* of them.
I cannot believe in a God who would sentence any person to torment because that person did not believe in one particular God, in the ab sence of any clear proof of that God's validity and the presence of many competing alternatives. That makes no sense to me. I suppose it is possible that such is the case, for reasons beyond my understanding, but then my only option is to pray that God will make the correct choice known to me, and help me find the true path. I have prayed along those lines my whole life. If such a one-path solution is the way things work, God has not yet chosen to show me that, and so I continue to muddle on as best I can, praying that God will not let me go too far wrong.
Note that I don't believe that those who have chosen a particular path are wrong. I strongly suspect that God honors those who choose a particular way to worship God, and who honestly try to live according to those rules. Personally, I don't think that it is the particular rules that God cares about (although see below), but the effort, discipline, and sacrifice of those who follow them. Following a set of commandments/rules/doctrines provides a person with a way of honoring God in their daily lives, and I think that such is good for us, and helps us to keep God in mind. I have not yet found such a path, although I suppose I'm more Christian than anything else. I'm not proud of that ambivalence; it is a weakness and a failing, for me, to be unable to commit to a faith.
I believe God is interested in the welfare of human beings. God wants what is good for us, although what "good for us" entails is probably not what I think it is. That does imply, to me, that God wants me to behave in certain ways which are in line with what God wants for me. For me, then, there are some behaviors that are right, and some that are wrong. That right and wrong may not be constant, and may not be the same for me as for anyone else--what is right for me may have little to do with what is right for you--but I do think that there is a right and wrong for me at any given time. It may also be that there are any number of alternatives, all of which are just fine with God. I guess that means that I am a moral absolutist to some degree, since I believe that there are some actions which are absolutely right and wrong for me right now, but that I do not hold that those absolutes are constant between people and times. Some may be, but not all are.
Given that, it is obviously of critical importance to find a way to determine what the right and wrong for me/now is. That's the hard part. There are some basic rules which seem to apply under most circumstances (in general, I don't kill, steal, or lie, for example). Here, in the absence of any further guidance, I have to rely on God and my own conscience. I have frequently prayed that God would either make the choice clear, or give me the necessary guidance at the right time. In some ways, that philosophy seems to encourage a continuous reliance on and consciousness of God, and continuous communication, which I suppose might be just the way God wants it. So far, what has seemed correct to me is that actions deriving from love, honor, and respect for others are right, and so those are what I try to do, and what I try to honor and encourage in others, whatever their source.
So I pray, and I live, and I try to keep God in mind. I seek God, and want to understand God's mind and plans in as much as God wants me to. I do think, though, that God does not want me as a mindless slave, and so I also try to pursue my own inclinations and interests, while keeping my behavior within the limits I think God has set for me. I o hope that I can someday find a faith, but until then I will continue on as best I can.
May God, in whatever form God takes for you, be with you.
All that comes from love, honor, and respect is of God.
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