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Yes, sir.
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My family is preparing to move down to Oceanside, about 40 miles north of San Diego. Oceanside is a pretty seaside town, with a few main reasons to exist. One, it is a bedroom community for San Diego. Two, it contains or is adjacent to cities which contain two sizeable community colleges (one of which is my new emplyer) and a Cal State campus. And three--probably the biggest factor--it is the nearest city to Camp Pendleton, the largest Marine base in the country (or so I am told). Thus, there is a substantial military presence in the city, and many businesses make it a point of prominently advertising military discounts, etc.
I haven't had a lot of contact with Marines--or, really, any branch of the Armed Forces. I have nothing against them; in fact, I regard them collectively with a similar kind of respect as that which I hold for police officers. They are people doing a dangerous job, who have put themselves (potentially) in harm's way on my behalf, and so as long as they behave in a decent manner, I honor their service. It's certainly something I would have trouble doing. I've had a few close friends who joined one branch or another of the service, but I have typically had almost no contact with them once they joined.
While we were visiting the area the other day, my wife wanted to go to a garage sale where we might be able to pick up a lamp or two. The sale was advertised on Craigslist, and was at someone's house on the base itself. I've never been to a military base, so I didn't really know what to expect. We drove up to the gate, and explained to the Marine there why we were there. He asked us to pull up to the guard station and speak to the men in there about getting a visitor's pass, so we did so.
In the station, I explained what we were doing to the young man behind the desk. He seemed confused, and explained that visitor's passes were not issued for this sort of thing--that they didn't plan to compromise base security so that people could buy furniture. He very politely asked us to turn around and leave the base, which we did without any problem. None of this was troublesome, and all of the Marines I spoke with were polite and helpful, if somewhat distant.
And yet--for some reason--I had the heebie-jeebies something awful from almost the first moment we drove onto the base.
Since then, I've been thinking about it, and my whole way of thinking about the military and those serving in it. Why was I afraid? I certainly never had the feeling that I was in any danger--I suspect that even had we gotten lost in the process of trying to get off the base, we would have been politely but firmly escorted out. I also have no problem with the Marines not granting access to bargain hunters; it's their base.
One thing that occurs to me is that it may be an effect of military training (which I know nothing about, so please educate me if I have it totally wrong). My impression is that part of military training is the ability to assess a situation rapidly, make a decision, and act on it. Not without thinking, but without extended reflection, which is very much opposite to how I have been trained to do things. Thus, there may be a fundamental difference between how I approach the world and how a Marine is likely to approach it.
I also noted in retrospect that whenever I was talking to one of the Marines, I felt as though I was constantly being "assessed"--as a threat, as a person, or whatever. I could understand that--these folks are guarding their base, so it's their job to make an assessment of people requesting entry. Still, it felt weird--especially given that, to a Marine, I must seem slow, weak, indecisive, and ineffectual.
Maybe also it is that--like with some police officers--the Marines may have not felt any ability or desire to connect with me as an individual person. Since I have never shared their experiences--I'm sure I have no idea what they have been through, and cannot be part of their circle--they have no reason to trust me.
I'm sure another part of it is my own attitude. I have no idea how to act around military personnel on active duty. I know the etiquette of academia, science, and just the common protocols of daily civic life and manners, but I don't have any experience with dealing with those in the military--at least not when they are actively being soldiers, as these men must have been. I think they have their own protocols, etiquette, and manners--and I don't understand it, which makes me uneasy.
So anyway, it got me thinking. And I wonder what it is like to be a soldier, and to deal with civilians. I wonder what someone like me must look like to a strong, well-trained young Marine, and how I should behave around such a person. I don't expect to be able to lounge around with a soldier on duty, but it makes me sad that in my very few interactions with soldiers as soldiers, I have come away disconcerted and uncomfortable. The failing is probably mine.
Is this a gap that can be bridged? Is it one that *should* be bridged, or is the best thing I can do for a Marine on active duty to stay out of his or her way? I want soldiers like these to know that I wish them nothing but success and happiness, both as people and as soldiers, and I fear that what they sense from me is discomfort and distrust. I'd like to see them as humans and individuals, even if they are somewhat set apart by their training and duty.
I would love to hear any comments, especially from those here who are or have been in the military.
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