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euphormisms
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Not the good kind of grinding either.
I got off of work at about 11 last night, got home 930 but had a bunch of stuff on the computer to do. None of it for my own or my client's benefit, I’m holding a lot together for other people right now.
Though I'm not really complaining because it pays well and I have been recognized and praised quite a few times this week for my efforts. Theresa wants me to get my broker's license so I can be the principal broker of our own company eventually. She said I have the character, smarts and ability to understand things that make great companies. It was quite a compliment seeing as she has been in the business for 23 years and is in fact an associate broker. I think I’m just resourceful, and that can get you far when you’re probably less smart and personable than people think you are  Not to mention, sometimes you just seem smarter due to the fact that most of the people around you are fucking morons. Even a retarded person looks like a genius to a dog. Or something like that.
Anyway, I cannot test for a broker's license yet cause I haven’t been in the business long enough, but it is certainly something I'll do.
We won the contract to handle a 600, 000 dollar estate over one of the most well known and prolific agents in the area, Theresa and I work well as a team. I do enjoy competition. Anyway, not too much time for forum naughtiness the last few days, I’m sure I’m hardly missed...but that's ok, someone let me loose on the "business world" and Im about to put the hurtin on it. trust.
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but im working all weekend so i guess it doesn’t count.
today is the first day all week i consumed over 500 calories, im up around 1, 100 and only because i had this bottle of wine and just the insides of a "lean pocket" broccoli chicken thingie. and some coffee with non fat cream. I have a hankering for some salami.
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after Ive done what I have to do for other people after peeling myself out of bed. I get my coffee, go to my computer check both of my professional emails and aside from the asylum visit as many of these as I have the time or stomach for:
http://geocities.com/causticmilk/News.html
which includes
http://usinfo.state.gov/
http://7am.com/wireidx/world/
http://www.washingtonpost.com/
http://today.reuters.com/news/default.aspx
http://drudgereport.com/
http://news.bbc.co.uk/
http://www.southamericadaily.com/
http://www.cbc.ca/
http://www.smh.com.au/
http://allafrica.com/
http://www.irna.ir/en/
and this one is best when youre on acid: (probably)
http://my.cnd.org/modules/news/inde...sh&storytopic=2
I also branch off of these sites and go to others that they link, or sometimes i just read the headlines and decide i dont want any part of it...or sometimes i just come to the asylum and dont bother with the news at all...or sometimes i stay away from the computer all together and do filthy stuff to myself under the blanket 
anyway, too much news is probably a poor way to set the mood for the day. but then i exercise afterwards, doing a good job of making sure that is a regular part of my morning again. Then i get all professional looking and go out to be the client advocate...aside from what I did over the phone and such while in the shower, reading the news, or while doing butt crunches to ciara already that morning.
I mostly posted about this so i wouldn’t have to go to that shitty geocities site i never finished like 3 or four years ago to get my news links, though Id be interested in hearing about other's morning rituals.
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the intricacies of life. .
It thundered all night, it shook the house...an unstoppable smile on my face every time. You were here, with me.
What is your name? Can there be one for something such as you? I know what I call you, or what I feel when I’m stealing precious pieces. It is no word. I wonder if you remember what I said the first time I saw your name. I wonder if a creature like you need have name at all. In my church, in my silence in my dark, you are lord, laughter my prayer. I painted a picture of you, and I was the canvass.
If there be no gods, may I have my muse.
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So much going on with work and the other obligations I have plus I’ve been pmsing the last week just to finally start today ..and I tell you all the gray shattered when the site agent from my new house called and said they were putting in my footers. Its a start of a beautimous thing.
pictures to follow.
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sometimes, it'd been easier to have my enemy reach inside of me and rip my guts out infront of my eyes. hate would have numbed me.
all the thing buried under my skin, some prickly, some vacuums, some silent out of necessity...as open as people think i am, blunt and honest...raw...no one knows me, no one. ever. no one knows everything i live with, every piece that makes me. not even close. i probably seem very weird to people, all of them, i feel weird around all of them. id like to think it is part of my charm.
what ive done, what ive lived, what ve failed...not my family, not my husband, and due to a purposefully bad memory, sometimes not even me.
these things they drive me, i do turn them into tools to move me forward rather than stagnate my soul, or paralyze me...for the most part. I have character flaws like anyone. weakness and selfishness. a large part of me is a child of Bacchus (that does not mean alcoholic (but im drunk now captain!) btw/define broader)
i like laughter, pleasure giving and receiving, sin and innocents beauty and finding the beauty where it is difficult to do so. its just the way it has to be. and it isnt a bad world to live in. the people around me seem to enjoy itslight off of me as well.
and i type all of this out for selfish reasons, purposeful distraction for myself. such is the human.
shhhhh.
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I finished asap today. My instructor was cool, and my "case worker" thinks I should be a "lawyer" after i went on and on about my feelings of current va law. They are there to work with the alcoholics, which after watching their propaganda films Ive learned its not even the hardcore alkies that wind up getting busted for dui for the most part. Its the "social drinkers" that dont have the practice of driving drunk. One film stated it as bluntly as possible, the rest danced around it. And make no mistake, all the scare tactics and ridiculous offensive law are punishing for potential, and i know most of you dont care but in this time of genetics research and discoveries i find that pattern quite disturbing.
It being illegal to flip the bird at some twat being a dipshit behind his wheel is to avoid the potential of "road rage incidents" it being illegal to work on your car stereo system while drunk is to avoid some cop from being bored when he gets called out on a disturbing the peace complaint. Its all shit. freedom of speech, no, right to a fair hearing before being sentenced, no, being put in jail with out having hurt anyone or anything or even threatening anyone or anything with out even getting a court hearing, yes.
The lack of deafening outrage is sickening.
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Alot of people from other countries here on this board have said things that would lead us to believe that they were under the impression that us Americans were taught patriotism as some sort of brainwashing thing that happened as soon as we entered into public schools. I don’t know if any of you other Americans were “victims” of such actions, but that’s not how I became a fan of the “American dream”. My time in Guatemala aside, my first foster family...
One day we came home from school, my 11 (eleven) foster brothers and sisters and me, to find two new additions to our household.
They were two brothers, from Vietnam...
in our home because their parents were still being held and questioned as political refugees. All and all I think they spent two weeks with us. They were very quiet, and for the first two days never left each others side. Eventually they started to enjoy their surroundings, and even managed to laugh with us...mostly by the light of the commodore 64.
I enjoyed their laughter because their silence was heavy and sucked all the light in from around them, and us. More than their laughter, I remember their scars. Cigarette burns, from their wrists to their elbows. This is what the police did to them for their father’s political indiscretions. I knew the type of scars well, I had them, not from my government or police though...and my scars may have been due to my father’s sins, I dunno, but on my knuckles and thighs I wore the wrath of one woman. Anyway..still it didnt touch what happened to them. Their backs were ..just, man.
It was the first time I appreciated my country, while meeting kim and tong that is.
Today, while talking to my client, also Vietnamese, I was reminded. She spoke of her family, and they are a close family. She spoke of “the three free countries” (her words not mine, and im not saying it is meritorious, just what she said) The US Canada, and Australia. And how her family members that made it in to the Us were doing better than other members of her family in the other “two free countries. But they appreciated everything, the ones in canada and austrailia, and they work half as hard on a daily basis as they did in Vietnam and my clients can buy up to 1, 000, 000 in property here, but could have barely managed to feed themselves there...for the same effort physically and mentally, though admitably they never would have owned their own company in their mother country. Another Vietnamese Client is moving next door to me at my new house, I hope their children and mine can be great friends and some of the appreciation for effort and pay off of it gets rubbed off in a way that I cant teach, or from another perspective than I can offer.
Anyway, Vietnam, my first lesson in patriotism.
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This week I was involved in an estate purchase with an agent well known in this area. She is known to be a hard ass and difficult to work with. When I saw this particular listing, then later the house, I knew a few things were going on and advised my client . When she got my offer she was a bit irate that we had included an inspection contingency, raising her voice she said “your client does know this is a seller’s market??!” I said sure, and yet you’re still on the phone talking to me. I knew from the listing and the empty house that her clients were paying two mortgages, one on a vacant house and they probably weren’t expecting the house to stay on the market so long...one of the reasons for that is that it is over priced, the fha appraisal will fix that though and my clients will only pay what it is worth. I made sure we guaranteed nothing over appraisal. Anyway, I won the contract, at one point had 40 minutes to save the deal…did I mention that im dealing with people in 3 different states to make this happen and neither have access to a fax leave the local kinkos. Anyway, I’m really good at this job, my clients love me and that is satisfying. This particular agent I am dealing with is transparent and it is easy to manipulate her despite her reputation for being a hard ass.
Today I went to have photos taken for the magazine, I hated the way I looked and was very angry at myself for putting on weight when I was looking really good for a while.
I understand some lady was eating chips and one of her sour cream and onion potato chips looked like jesus. You know if Jesus comes back to earth and tells us “didn’t you see all the signs I sent that I was returning?” and references the jesus shaped potato chip and the grilled cheese sandwich with mary and the infant jesus, im going to be really mad.
I haven’t gone out and had any fun lately. I get my kicks where I can and am starting to feel more and more ok with the few wholly selfish and self serving things I indulge in from time to time. Im not sure if that makes me less of a good person, or just more realistic.
Its been a long week, I just finished up work at 10:30. Im having a beer and listening to the alice in chains. I have to work tomorrow too.
I saw a beautiful snake crossing the road the other day, I think it was a black rat snake.
It was longer than lilith, probably 6 feet or so I almost crashed to avoid hitting her, just to watch her be pummeled by the cars to the rear and side of me. It sucked all the light right of me.feh.
Stuff builds up inside of me and comes out in unfortunate and clumsy ways, it happened today, when I saw those photos of myself, it happened when I saw the snake get hit…I really have the grace of a monkey with its ass on fire sometimes, and yet I merit the affections of great folk. Life is funny indeed.
To read: I was told the other day that my handwriting was exciting, I think that translates into “you write like a retarded blind seven year old.” Plus i have a buzz right now, and im tired...and boy is that handwriting "exciting". Im excited, are you excited?
I don’t think I have anything else to add. Its been a long week and all work and no play makes 4b a dull bird.
thus ends my blog entry for this week. perhaps ill go masturbate. it is my new favorite drug.
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we just wrote on a house. It’s new construction on the water. it is gorgeous.
We bought in the first phase of a new construction site which means by the time they are finished building the rest of the houses our house will have increased in value out the ass in less than 2 years. be bought on the water for less than 400,000...it's a really good investment. It isnt necessarily a place id have chosen as an ideal place for me and mine, but the investment is sound and will put us in a great position in the next few years, giving us more freedom. anyway, jawsome!
Should be in by November minus any bad bad weather.
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