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euphormisms
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The main character in that video, reminds me of a guy I knew…they carry the theme in their videos, but the song combined with the video concentrates the memory…
Of funky.
That was his nick.
He was 18, looked very much like the lead character (to me) in the feel good inc video.
Movement, characteristics.
At the time, I was a professional thief, it was how we sustained ourselves. I was very good at it. I could walk passed the guy I had just cleaned out, smile and look him in the eye and throw him off enough, that he wouldn’t notice I was carrying his new stereo system in my hand. Ive always been very good at what I decided to do, and being a filthy thief was no different. I got out of it, not because I got caught, or it stopped paying, I got out of it because I knew I was a piece of shit for doing it…Im sure that redeems me little, but that is that. I started stealing as a young child, food mostly, at my mother’s order and I was good at it, and though it is no excuse, perhaps a prelude to the continuation. Back to the story, we all lived together, us a bunch of thieves, and funky…the odd one out. Always had money, always quiet, always giving…Ive held him on my chest as he cried, with no explanation or hint of anyway to comfort him. I just held him and stroked his hair ad tried to think of something funny to say to make a smile break through an impenetrable dark. One day I was doing laundry. For the house, took itupon my self with no invitation, I went into his space (none of us had our own rooms) picked up his clothes, and I noticed a theme in his underpants. Blood. Blood right where his poop would come out, some times a mixture of both. I brought it to the attention of the only femasle in the house, a pregnant girl, whose lover was in jail, she thought we should try to talk to him. I said id do it alone, I was the only person who had worn his tears on her skin.
I asked him, he said nothing. Looked at me like I was the devil. Maybe I was. He left.
Wind mill wind mill for the land,
Learn for ever hand in hand
Love forever, love is free…lets turn for ever you and me
is every body in?
against the window…it’s the eyes
the full and empty eyes,
id hold him when he needed.
Love, what ever it is, perhaps not so free.
is everybody in?
i remember you
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I changed it up a bit, after the last one healed up there were some flaws and I didnt like it's flow. I added my gris gris sigil to it and a few other things. the tat guy was cool as shit and we had a good time.
Its the only tat Ill ever have and it is hard to squeeze in all the symbolic stuff I want to carry with me in to it. I like the tat, i dont know what other's see when they look at, it may be too busy, or may not flow well...genuine opinions are welcome.
I also found these little guys in a plant I had been watering, i couldnt see into it cause it was hanging above my head. the watering probably prompted mommy birdy to abandon the nest...last summer i was the bunny maimer, now im the baby bird killer  Ive been on a two day guilt trip from the time i pulled the plant down to clear dead leaves. poops.
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its been something of a week. may things coming together. our magazine just came out this week, already impressive results. However, im having issues with being a realtor. realtor is pretty much a union, they take my due money for the honor of the title of realtor and use it for political reasons i do not really agree with. regulation and such. I can maintain their phantom ethics and not have to give them my money for shit policy...i am commited to a few things atm however, after that i will free myself of conflict on this matter.
I had a few drinks tonight, my ankle felt like someone had put out a pack of cigarettes on it, now im ust finding meaning and beauty in the pain...it is still ever present however.
I was told last night that i had driven someone to drink.. i dont how how many people remember the old ivisit days and the antics, but apparently it was there. I guess during a drinking game, i suggested (allegidly, even so woopty fucking do), under the promise of strictly visual bewbies sin someone drink...and they did....and something adverse happened...and it is my fault. My tits, and or cleavage must be pretty powerful, especially considering i had a bit of respect for the person as an individual, as where the person blaming me for this other persons actions seeming ly had no respect for him as a man or even an individual, but what ever...here is my tits again, and the message of "don't drink"
some how i dont think it will have the same effect...funny fucking that eh?
Me and my form are the devil, making people do things they don’t want to do or taking away their strength to think for themselves, according to some retards like simple Simon and such.
what ever, it was funny then. it's funny now. oh what fun it is to ride.
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That motley drama, oh be sure….
Its like I was shat out as a result of Bacchus and Athena’s anal sexathon.
If I weren’t so open with myself you guys would have less to amuse yourself with.
Youre welcome, I hope you feel superior.
I’ve changed a lot over the last few years, and I’m still evolving, into what I don’t know. And not just slightly, I’m changing into an entirely different animal. Becoming more selfish. Frankly, I’m just growing up. I had that dream about the spirit animal telling me I should honor myself, then I had my boss, in a way, tell me the same thing.
I also probably have no business being someone’s wife.
Instead if normal Rockwell I’m more like Geiger http://www.blibbleblobble.co.uk/Pho...s/hr_geiger.jpg
Love…I prefer zest. I didn’t get fired, I am no diplomat, however im in the news paper again this month for being a top producer. So I figure, if I can make enough money, for my company I can punch the next asshole I have to suffer right in the face, and not get fired. God bless capitalism. Love to hate me.
Splat has given his word that he no longer logs me. I hope that’s true. As a person who is used to coming and going as she pleases regardless of the situation, it is no small thing…especially considering I’m someone people tend to feel they can confide in, and I enjoy the honor of that status.
So many things are alien to me. so many times I find myself blundering, such exaggerated folly, so much of my life I just don’t care to talk about because it sounds like fiction. Regardless of my “strength” or “wisdom” or any merit due to experience I am an infant. I master little. I think when people say that I am wise, or strong, I think they just mean I roll with the punches. I do, do that. Black eyed and bloodied, Ill stand right the fuck up. And i hit harder than Ive been hit. Bring it.
When I can avoid the black eyes and bleeding, my kung fu will really be strong.
I’ve been so many different things. I’ve surrounded myself with the sick and dying, my empathy insuring I felt every pain and sorrow possible, ive also walked into night clubs to hear screeches of stupid bitches as they ran up to hug me, cause “t was always so great to see me cause I was the coolestest! “before my eyes could even
adjust to the dark cause I has a pocket full of sunshine for sale.
the play is the tragedy man...and its hero...
But anyway, as usual, I have over extended myself, I am part of many projects professionally and personally. I hope that I can make even half of them my bitch.
I am evolving, I am learning, I am blundering and I will be ok, and my children will be ok, and live well, and grow up whole…and that is enough.
I am drunk. I am humbled. I am growing. therefore, I am.
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my marriage has become a joke, maybe it always was, its being held together by duct tape at this point, and its probably all my fault.I have also managed to piss off my boss and offend a coworker (moi?) i could get fired.roofles..or something. you guys take it easy, ill be back when ...i dunno, something.
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I wrote them a very respectful letter, emailed it to various madd emails and went to the forum where I said I was sorry for their loss, "but" and posted the letter there. Of course it got deleted. During registration you have to put in what "kind of victim" you are, there is a drop down list.
There was a thread started during my deletions about a man and his son who go to bars and follow people out to the parking lots and call the cops on people if they see them have a drink then go to a car.
I found it all rather special.
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It's going to be 85 degrees today, I think I'll carry all my phones and files outside. That bastard plant is all over the place already, I got a bit of it on my arm. I hate using poisons, its always followed by a bout of guilt; especially since last year I was spraying some stuff and a baby bunny come hopping out of the stuff I was spraying. My reaction must have been something to see. Im sure my neighbors think Im loonie. Good.
The interned is getting boring, almost nothing amuses me any more, and only irritates me. Perhaps I’m a bitch.
I don’t get to sail this season, I probably wont be doing any charity work…idle hands are the devil’s play things...alas.
What shall we use to fill the empty spaces
Where we used to talk
How shall I fill the final places
How shall I complete the wall
pf
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spring cleaning all week end, cause nothing is still. ever. vibrating, circulating, living. and bless it for the silence is maddening, even more maddening than pondering constant, infinity, evermore, nevermore. Quoth the raven, `Nevermore."
Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly (painfully)
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door
With such name as nevermore.
and much of madness and more of sin...
I understand the money i donated to tsunami relief is tax deductible this year...
some how i would feel it less of a contribution if i went there this or next year or any year. though much of my taxes go to things i disagree with.
what ever.
the joy of spring! i live for gifts such as these.
culture, language, the way we put things...english "look at the big dog" french, "look at the dog big". do you think in words? Im not sure what most people do, but i think in both words and pictures a lot of times things crash in my mind. who needs tv?
I felt guilty for a while today, looked at all the dead bugs floating in the pool, silly isnt it? That I notice? Life eats life, my existence is fueled on life, my death shall fuel life and that is always where i end up. That is where i have to end, because i notice.I bit into a steak for lunch, all i tasted was death, for dinner i ate salad, and i tasted life. it will drive me mad.
i feel pitiful some times, my sexual energy takes me over, my body literally aches, with little to no trigger. My body wants and needs to mate, it is so very laughable.
Im going to go outside, see if I can see the stars, ponder eternity till I get tired and seek solitude in slumber.
Drunkfully yours,
Shante’
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Spring time has come and everything shifts…
It seems my uncle in law has been diagnosed by a few diseases that tend to be debilitating in the not so long run. I can no longer in good conscious push to move out of state. I will need to stay and be available to him and my aunt in law.
They are good people; they deserve as much support as I can offer if everything goes bad. He is quitting his job soon and has taken on the task of starting the mortgage company.
I will remain a realtor and do anything for his company that isn’t a conflict of interest ethically. My staying in this state also means I wont be able to put in a few years in the Va. national guard. Many of the laws of this state I find petty and offensive from it being illegal to curse at the beach to the dui laws which I’ve discussed over the last few months. Though I have driven drunk, and don’t really care if others do (waits for wailing and gnashing of teeth…yawn) if they aren’t too wasted (to read what counts as a dui, the bac limit is too low, as is how they “catch people” not because they are driving poorly or have caused any damage and so on), and for that I’m sure a few would have me strung up, but laws like this state has are grossly un-American, just on the issue of being jailed and punished before you get a court hearing…even if they didn’t find you in a car or with in 200 yards from one.
I was hoping to go to Nevada before I turned 34 and get some snazzy desert cammies, be in their guard…support the hookers and gambling and sin: though I’ve also been reading about the psychological effects it may have on my children and I guess it can be quite traumatic to children my kid’s ages to lose their mother’s presence for a few months at a time. Even knowing how super dee duper I turned out with all of my childhood shit ;p I’m not too cool with it. So I guess that’s the end of my midlife crisis induced goal of joining the military. Splat suggests I should join a militia...
...maybe I would earn a neato nickname like joan wayne or clit eastwood. Yeeehaaawww!
Ill be in the news paper for being a top producer again this month, I really need to change my picture…the anal retentive school marm look just makes my friends and coworkers laugh…or want spankings.
We got a pool today, it’s a blow up one but it is huge. Its kinda neat how they designed it, you just inflate the top ring, the rest is canvass and as you fill it up with water the pool takes shape as the inflated ring rises. Its neat, still filling up, we are on hour 7 now of the hose wide open and it isn’t even half way filled. It was cheap considering it’s size and fun potential. Ill teach the midgets to swim this summer and do a bit of skinny dipping at night.
Anyway, the reason for the title aside from all the changes in my goals, I love to be barefoot. It is very mentally and physically stimulating. I like to feel the earth and the things that grace it under my feet, every step a new sensation. It is immensely enjoyable for me…and probably most anyone who took the time to enjoy it...just look at the pressure points:
Just knowing and remembering a few can be quite helpful as well. When my children were tiny, and still today I hated giving them medicine, so when they would have colic I would rub the entire midsection of their foot and it would sooth them, usually after farting (loudly) a bit. I was quite glad to know how to do it so I could comfort them and not fill them with chemicals to do it.
Anyway, being barefoot to me is very stimulating, I enjoy spring and summer thoroughly, even if I have to be in Virginia. I'll be thinking of some new goals, still plan on the second language thing, have the material but haven’t had the time or quiet to start. The mojo project should be done by the end of the weekend, I'll bug the usual suspects for opinions when I'm done.
Lubs and stuff eh?
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A few dreams:
I saw the Native Americans fighting the British, the British had dug themselves into holes that they stood upright in, their red jacketed shoulders and white wigs peering out, firing their muskets, the natives were stabbing then in their faces and chests turning their white wigs as red as their jackets, when they were all through and the British were all killed the leader if the natives said to hang them from the trees so the buzzards would carry off their bones because their bones weren’t worthy of mixing with the bones of their ancestors.
I’m not sure where the ugliness of this dream comes from, been looking trough my books getting ready for the mojo project, maybe that’s it. But the British were slimy bastards just like the French, just like the “Americans” (settlers) no more no less as far as I’m concerned so I’m not sure why they were singled out in the dream.
I had two other spirit dreams, one with an alien spirit animal that looked like a shrimp and was soft like an octopus, I wrote it down because there was an important lesson in it but all I wrote down was what the spirit animal was like and don’t remember anything else about the dream, in another “the great spirit” walked me through my house and told me I wasn’t honoring myself. All I saw was it’s arm, it spoke with a man’s voice so I guess it was a man. Even when my native ancestors became one of the great “civilized” nations and thought it was the will of the living god to blend in with the new Americans, they adorned themselves with relics of their heritage. I guess there is a few lessons in there for me.
I also had a dream I was having sex with a transvestite, it had a pretty woman’s face and Hawley’s body. I woke up alarmed and confused.
About the mojo thing, Its got the hoodoo and the Choctaw in it. I wish I remembered more first hand, but i was young, I remember the basics is all, the only thing I remember from the part of me that is native as far as language goes is something that’s sounds like 'yahashelah" which I’m pretty sure means "I love you" or something close. Its ashame and sad but I have and am teaching myself what I can learn through other means, using the basics I remember to fill in the spaces and its ok because a lot of it was orally passed down and everyone puts their own twist on it, its part of the "magic" really. Ill teach my kids if they are interested, and maybe even if they aren’t
I jogged to the gym sat, cause of my dui I cant drive with out risk, passed by the auto sound and window tinting place. the guy who found my stolen property by the dumpster there and called me, recognized me and we bullshitted for a bit. I told him about my dui and where I was going and shit, he said there was a guy there who got a dui in his drive way after the neighbor called the cops cause he was working on his car’s sound system and it was too loud. He was drunk with the keys in the ignition, and the cop took him in. The guy figured the neighbor must have known the cop or the cop had some grudge out, I told him I was confident this was the new mentality.
The death poll in the forum on the schiavo thing makes me feel ill. I believe in the right to die and I have a living will, according to a few of the nurses who cared for terry her husband was a prick, denying her things that could have helped her recovery and bringing dates in to show terry to them to “prove he wasn’t lying”. Now, I wont claim I know for a fact if he did these things, but terry had no living will and her parents have offered to take full responsibility for her and any of the footage I watched of terry she didn’t look brain dead to me, she moved her eyes, followed things and looked to smile while her mother sang to her, I wont claim to know the medical science either but holy fuck I think there is enough reason to not starve her to death. Especially since her parents said they would tend to everything. Even if they were going to let her die they could pick a less horrific way to make it happen. Shit stray animals in the shelters and murderers on death row get better treatment...hell, even here on the forum murderers get more sympathy by some seemingly giddy at the whole situation. And people think I’m mean for calling a stupid asshole a stupid asshole. Insane.
But what ever. I’m not mad, just growing apathetic with even less patience than I had before for it, and I never really had too much.
I’m becoming bored, even the things I do away from the asylum on the internerd have become boring. I’m not spending much time on as it is and I think I’m probably about to start spending even less. Maybe start “honoring myself” more.
Today is Easter. There is a lot f symbolic beauty there even for us non Christians, I hope it brings light to those who need it.
We celebrated today cause the weather is going to be shit tomorrow. I love my midgets, they are the coolest people I know, to know real love and family is a blessing and I am truly blessed.
Happy Easter.
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