What was that all about?

What was that all about? by flocat - 2005-09-16 19:37:12
I cried for a man I never met tonight.

I was clenching my jaw throughout the recitation of the rosary. Then, they played a slide show as tribute to their father.

I kept my jaw clenched.

I looked over to my best friend fanning her face, trying not to cry. I looked at another friend on the other side, crying as well.

I kept my jaw clenched.

I stared straight ahead and saw pictures of the man in his youth. I saw pictures of his kids. I saw pictures of him at one of his daughters' wedding. I dared not look at the body lying in the open casket.

I kept my jaw clenched.

I felt a calming, warm line fall down my cheek. My black shirt, somehow, got blacker in one spot. I looked over again to my best friend. She was looking straight down, wiping her eyes. I looked straight down, and I rained on my clothes.

I never met this man, but I felt so sad for his family. My stomach grew hot with that sickening feeling you get when you know there is nothing you can do, nothing you can say, to make anything better.

When I hugged my friend after the slide show, I wanted to let go immediately. For that, I feel awful. Yet, I don't know that I should.

I couldn't, no matter how much I tried, look at the casket. I never met the man, but I rather wanted to celebrate his life and not think of his death. If his daughter, my friend, is any indication of what kind of person he was, then I'd say he was one hell of a man.

Sometimes, I believe in a heaven.
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