Born in New Jersey, Jan 19, 1986. My childhood is quite the mystery to me. I have several conflicting memories of how I was brought up. This for the most part is my attempt to piece them together. This might be a boring read; sorry if it is hard to read or understand. With that said...|
I remember being a wee one, in Rutherford, New Jersey. I lived with my grandmother, grandfather, mother, brother, and I think I had aunts, uncles, and cousins there also. All from my mother's side. I remember the family that lived next door. Vaguely. Sal was their child. Or her child, I don't remember the father. You could ask me all day long if Sal was male or female and I couldn't tell you. I have not the slightest clue. I remember Sal had a video game. I liked the game and I used to watch Sal and my brother play, I don't think I ever played though. I remember also that my great uncle and aunt lived below us in the house.
We, and everyone else who lived around us, were Italian. I myself am only half-Italian. In my early childhood, while I still lived at Rutherford, we went to a local Bazaar of sorts. They sold silly things, like... silly string, stink sprays, poppers, and the related items. My brother sprayed me with the stink spray on the way home. I had to stand outside for an hour while the smell wore off. That's one of my earliest memories as a child. According to my mother I was not even a year old at the time, I honestly don't remember how old I was.
Notice how I didn't mention my father during any of this. I think he used to visit me, and take me out for the day. He got me these trains once. Or he left them for me. I loved them so much because they were from him. I used to hold the trains, cry with the trains, and just basically be close to them. They helped me get through whatever I needed. My mother's family hated my father, and got rid of the trains. I have no idea where they ever went.
I don't know how early after I was born when my parents split up, or got a divorce. It was close afterwards though. My father lived in Scotch Plains (1), a higher-class place. I remember he had a swimming pool in the back yard, and a local coin shop where he knew the people. I used to sit in there and they would talk for hours. I enjoyed myself, I think.
My father was a successful chemist, graduated with honors and a half-scholarship from St. Peters Prep High School. My uncle on my father's side also graduated with honors but he was awarded a full scholarship, and these were rare things. Without them, they would not have had enough money to go to college. My grandfather on their side had been dead before I was born. He was a mechanic, along with my father and uncle before they finished college. My father is, like I said before, a chemist, and my uncle is a professor at Harvard. My grandmother, also on my father's side, died soon after I was born. I have very few memories of her.
I remember one time, when I was very young, I was in a car with my father and mother. They asked me where I wanted to go for the day, with my mother or my Father. Thinking back on it, it was a terrible thing to do to a child. I chose my father, and my mother has never let me forget that fact. In her own ways, of course. As a kid, I just wanted to have fun.
I remember living where I am now before preschool. I lived here in this house with my father, mother, and brother. I don't remember it well at all. I don't know the relationship at that point between my father and mother. Keep in mind my father also had his own children from an earlier marriage who I never saw much of until lately. Three brothers total I had, and one sister. My sister got married a little over a year ago.
Well, time moved on and I went on to preschool. I went to two different schools, The Land of Oz, and a church-type preschool. I was put in the advanced program, which I guess involved learning both circles AND squares. I met a lot of my friends there, a lot of which have moved away, as the years have gone by. The others I have just lost touch with I guess, or simply have forgotten about them, as I have with just about everything else from that time period.
In kindergarten I went to a nice little school. I got along with everyone well, and I don't recall much about that year except playing four square, a tire swing, and a wall I kicked a ball at. I lived with my mother half the time, and my father the other half. A joint-custody agreement finalized the divorce.
One night my father was going to visit me, but my mother wouldn't let him. I begged and pleaded to see him. They argued for hours as I was upstairs crying. That was my first taste of friction, and what seemed like hatred.
In first grade I was first exposed to computers. We used Macs, and played a game called Coral (?) where you took the role as a fish, and had to survive by eating food, and avoiding other fish. Also at some point I learned to cut and paste, highlight, and play Oregon Trail . This is important, not only because it is one of the very few memories I have of that year, but also because I realized for the first time, that I had intelligence.
My father was not around much, so I either stayed with the babysitter, or went to a place called The Grand Slam for a while, and helped out around there. It was a gaming arcade/batting cages/basketball court. I remember my sitters very well. One used to take me around to places that were exciting and fun. A place where I think you could hit rocks with a hammer, and they would make a ringing noise. I can't recall, hehe.
Well one day, she wanted to take me somewhere and wouldn't tell my father where she was going to take me. She left for a little while, and was going to come back later after lunch. My father noticed something she dropped. It was a book. Not just any ordinary book, one that was like a Black Magic/Witchcraft bible of some kind. In order for her to become a full member, she had to take a small boy, perform a ritual involving a needle, a knife, and his eye. The page describing the performance of this ritual was well worn; it had been read many times. Had my father not found the book, and fired her, I would have been sacrificed to a cult. If anyone knows of which book I am talking about, please email the name of it to me.
Second grade is another blur to me. As far as I can remember, it never took place. In third grade I ran a club. I don't remember what it was about, but I had little name cards printed out and membership cards also. I think we had a few meetings, but I don't remember how many or what the hell we did during those meetings.
In third grade I was in an experimental class with 2 teachers instead of one, and a larger class. Kids still come up to me in High School and say "Hey! I remember you from third grade! etc..." I don't remember them, so it leads me to believe something is causing me to block out most of my younger years. I was in the Gifted and Talented class for the first and last year, that year. Unless I was in it in second grade also. I have always been playing soccer as long as I can remember. I was on the state team this year. Yes they had one for third graders. This was also the year I met Bill (Mr. Magoo). I still have an award I won for math. I came in top 3 in the Nationals, or something along those lines. I could care less as it's gotten me nowhere (not that I would expect it to). Why was it my last year? I didn't do any of the homework. That plays a large role in things to come later.
In Fourth grade I was forced to join 'cliques' that I wanted no part of. I wound up breaking a kid's arm, getting in many fights, quitting baseball, and continuing soccer. I have to admit to myself, I was and still am a great soccer player. I was a trouble maker in fourth grade. It is just about as simple as that, and it didn't end there. I started playing the game of Magic The Gathering (link to www.meridianmagic.com) during this year, and still play.
In Fifth grade I met Jack, another key person in my life. He and Bill shaped me for a small part, and I shaped them. For a while Bill and I, and Jack and I were very close friends. That changed though, along with a lot of other things. Fifth grade I continued to slack off, but got great grades. I knew I could ace whatever test I needed to, do some class work, and get by in my classes. My principle told me something that I still remember that year. I can argue with authority figures, and teachers all I like, but I'll be run over by the 'system' like a steamroller. I have made it a goal of mine to prove him wrong. Why? I like to feel I have a certain amount of control over my life.
In sixth grade I was still in the advanced program (for math). I was no longer in Gifted and Talented, as I left that when I was in Fourth Grade. I got an A in math for my first year in Middle School. My teacher talked with me about how if I did my homework, I could have a great future ahead of me. Pfft. I bet she was right though. I continued to get into fights, and be aggressive. I slacked off in everything. I played a lot of video games with Bill and Jack. Another talent of mine. One I don't use at all any more though.
Seventh Grade I don't remember too well. I was still in the advanced program and had a lot of friends. None that I cared to visit outside of school though. I just had no motivation and I really still don't. I continued to pass classes, get by. I started to play a new online game called Ultima Online that year. From first release Jack, Bill and I played it on a shard, or server, called Catskills. We were well known there, and feared PKs on that shard. A PK is one who kills other players for Money, Items, or in our case, just for an undeserved spite.
Eighth Grade I started to lose it, and spin out. I had a Math Teacher out to get me, and he refused to pass me if I didn't do homework. I more or less told him to fuck himself, and either way I could test out of whatever program he put me in. I happened to be correct. I continued to get into fights, and I used humor to mask my depression. I never have a problem bringing a smile to someone's face, or making them laugh. I have a sort of situational humor, and it keeps me out of a downward spiral.
Also in the year of eighth grade I was forced to take an IQ test. My parents thought that because I didn't do work for school, I had a mental disorder. I proved them wrong. They wouldn't tell me until recently what I got on the test. I believe it was somewhere in the range of 155 - 160. I don't remember for sure, and have never seen the results myself to confirm this.
That brings us to the ninth grade, my first year of high school. I barely pass classes, still get in fights, and stay to myself as long as I can. Jack and Bill have long moved on, I see Bill everyday, hang out once in a while. Jack I see him more often at my home, but with everything else, time has changed us all. I no longer play any online games, besides Whorehouse, and Planetarion. I no longer play soccer, and basketball season is over. I am a fast runner, and a good shot putter, but I have not been interested in committing myself to anything school related.
I'm currently taking Advanced Computer Applications II, US History I, Media and Information, and Earth Science I. Next year I will be taking Civil Law, and Criminal Law, along with several more programming related courses. Not involved with anyone, nor have I ever 'really' been on more than a date or two with someone.
The only future I see now is a lonely one.
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