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COON RAPIDS ## Late this morning, County deputies arrested a man inside the Full Gospel Pentecostal Holiness Church on 7th Ave. Nearly naked by the time authorities arrived, the man carried no identification but repeatedly insisted his name was "Dingle Van Winkle". An anonymous source from the 911 dispatcher's office revealed a call complaining of a man repeatedly disrupting week-long marathon revival services with strange and bizarre outbursts, including yodeling with a lisp during singing of hymns and exchanging discount coupons for cash when the offering was being given. The congregation and minister had attempted to resolve the situation in house the past few days, but the last straw apparently came during the Lord's Supper. Mr. "Van Winkle" is alleged to have seized and guzzled the sacramental wine, raced to the balcony, then hung his posterior over the railing and expelled copious amounts of feces on several members of the congregation as they looked up from below. Charges are pending.
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