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PORTLAND, ME ## The Securities and Exchange Commission filed an enforcement action in the U.S. District Court for the District of Maine on Monday against Green Burrito Enterprises, Inc. alleging investor and customer fraud against one Jesus Rodriguez a/k/a Alcoholsoopafiend (ASF). A confidential source stated Rodriguez is most likely an alias linked to the internet alias of ASF. A "John Doe" summons has been issued for a Mexican National allegedly carrying false citizenship papers. The man is reputed to be approximately 24 years of age and is reportedly fond of abusing his hair. Complaints began pouring in last week after an E. coli (eschericia coli) breakout among dozens of customers who ate burritos purchased from a street cart and rolling porta-potty owned by Green Burrito Enterprises, Inc. Touting "environmentally friendly" burritos, laboratory testing of uneaten portions revealed the fillings had been recycled. A man claiming to be a spokesperson for the company, Anal "Goatboy" Roberts, claimed the suit was a plot by the government to shut down small businesses. "It's a very sound idea whose time has come. Why, whenever I hurl from eating one, and I frequently do, I just get another tortilla and eat it again. In these times of extreme environmental consciousness, it does not get any greener than that," said Roberts, who refused to provide details as to his whereabouts.
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