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elderly man reported lost in space
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(ROOTERS - Djibouti) ## Though details are sketchy at this time, reliable Asylumnation sources report that an American resthome resident may be lost in space. It has been confirmed that Herkimer Eugene McGinty of the Evening Shade facility in Winslow, Arizona wandered away from the facility one evening shortly after having been returned by local deputies on the heels of his previous incarceration for various vagrancy and outraging public decency charges. Mr. McGinty was seen a couple of days later boarding a cargo ship in Houston, Texas destined for various stops in the Indian Ocean and the Red Sea. The ship captain, speaking on condition of anonymity, advised that McGinty was forcibly removed from the vessel at the port in Djibouti, capitol of the Republic of Djibouti, "for the good of the ship".
Djibout affiliates have verified that McGinty, who goes by various names such as "jackass" and "wonderaz", somehow made his way into the headquarters of Djibouti's fledgling space program. A chimpanzee launch was scheduled four days ago, but the animal was found in a coma in its cage, together with a partially unclothed McGinty who was lounging on the floor, smoking a cigarette.
Upon finding the chimpanzee unresponsive, the employee in charge of boarding the animal on the rocket apparently panicked when faced with the prospect of the mission being aborted and bribed McGinty with 500 Djibout francs (approximately $3.00 U.S.) to board the rocket. While the launch was successful, radio contact was lost 12 hours later and technicians have been unable to restore it.
Inquiries to the U.S. Embassy have generated a successive string of "no comment" responses.
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