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asylum man injured in stripping accident
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(ROOTERS ## Manitou Springs, CO) Longtime Asylumnation member and prolific poster mordecai was injured in a freak accident yesterday while preparing a new routine for his act at Tom's Tom-Tom, a notorious strip joint and hot-spot on the outskirts of Colorado Springs. Randy "mordecai" Nibbits was reportedly filling helium balloons during happy hour while in the midst of preparing the set for his much-hyped and anticipated "Around The World In 80 Ways" routine. Unbeknownst to him, Delbert Shane Chickley, a fellow male dancer, snuck up behind Nibbits and shoved the helium nozzle into the gateway to the dark continent.
Chickley later claimed to police that he intended only a prank; that he thought he was shutting the pressure off when he twisted the valve. Regardless, the effect was immediate. When police and EMS attendants arrived, Nibbits was bobbing against the ceiling, attempting to fend off rapid blows from the ceiling fan blades. After being secured and pulled down with a rope, he had to be duct-taped to the guerney before being placed in the ambulance.
Doctors have since determined that Nibbits helium-saturated tissues pose no long-term health risks. Although it may take weeks, even months, they also believe the gas will eventually pass from his system, eventually restoring Nibbits to his normal proportions. In the meantime, as a safety precaution, he has been outfitted with a lead-weighted loincloth until such time as a suitably fitted and weighted wardrobe can be tailored. JEB Stuart of Asylumnation has started an emergency wardrobe fund for that purpose. Persons interested in donating toward the very large sums needed for the new clothing should obtain cashier's checks and/or money orders made payable to "JEB Stuart", then PM Mr. Stuart for routing and/or mailing instructions.
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