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jazebelle
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I wasn't sure whether to blog this or to create a new thread. This is only because I don't know if I'm asking for an opinion or wanting to share a story, so I'm in quite a pickle really. I'm going to just type it out and then decide if it goes into the blog or a new thread.
I'm 27 years and 4 months. By the time my mom hit 27 she was already married. My cousin who is the same age as me just got married a couple of weeks back. My other cousin is getting married next year, and she'll be 27 then. So in short, most of my family members got married by the time they hit 2-7. Hence, why my mom thinks my time has come too.
I'm not against it really, I don't mind the idea of marriage. But obviously it has to be with the right person. Now that's the challenging part.
My mom's gone out and gotten a 'match-maker.' In the Indian culture, a match-maker will put the word out that a family has got a daughter (or son) looking for a partner. Then, the whole mumbo jumbo about star signs comes in play. (Not your regular aquarius / capricorn etc star signs but the Indian star signs). So basically, when another family has a guy they want to marry off, the match-maker makes a suggestion to my mom and then they look into the stars etc. If it matches, then a meet up is arranged and it follows up here on.
So far, none of the available men have matched my signs. And the one that did was a tad too old for me and his mom sounded like the devil herself (she insists I learn their native language) which of course scared me shitless, so I said I wasn't interested even before meeting this guy. I mean, a dude who let's his mom control his life is one to avoid, in my personal opinion at least.
(Hey, so this is probably going to be a blog!)
Anyhow's it got me thinking, maybe I should not have agreed to my mom going about this whole match making procedure, because as my sister pointed it out, they're going to go about it in a very traditional manner. And god knows I know nuts about my traditions and I'm definitely not very traditional in any manner of speaking at all. I mean, I eat pork and beef and that's a complete 'no-no' to Indians. I hardly go to the temple and I don't speak any of my native language at all. I grew up speaking English and my folks (mostly my dad) brought me up under the influence of the western culture. I've only watched English T.V / films / programs all my life and listened to only English music. Any other language is foreign to me. The only reason I speak more than one language apart from English is because it was thought it school and I had no means of avoiding it.
In short, I feel like I'm never going to find a partner in this country, or if I do, they need to have been brought up like I have, or at least share the same opinions, mind-set and should be as oblivious as I am to our traditions.
And on another note, I dislike a lot of things about my country, and would hate to see my children brought up here. The school systems are ridiculous and half the people I work with don't speak English so well. This isn't saying that they speak none of it, but it's rare to find those who speak and write it fluently.
So I'm pretty much doomed if I meet a guy who doesn't speak good English, because there goes the whole communication part of the relationship. My roommate recently got married (at 27 btw) and her partner speaks broken English, but she on the other hand is as fluent as I am. They're as different as night and day...he's so 'traditional' and she's a lot like me, but they got married and are in love and all that crap. How do they do it? They can hardly communicate in the same language...!
Only last week a friend of my mom had recommended an available guy. So my mom goes about sleuthing and talks to this guy. She finds him to be a good match for me, so she tells him she'll get her daughter to contact him. And so I did. But when I looked him up on facebook, nothing about him clicked my fancy. For one the bad grammar on his page put me off and his movie interests were all in the 'Tamil' language, which put me off even further!
I'm worried. I need an outlet, I don't even know what I want. Forget about being too young to think about this crap, even when I get to the age of 40, I'm still going to be where I am today. I feel like I'm neither here, nor there when it comes to culture and traditions and this is going to very badly effect the partner I chose if I ever get settled down. What do I do? Pack up and really consider moving? Which obviously isn't that easy to do, or sit here and stay single the rest of my life and make my parents miserable?
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I just turned 25 less than a month ago, and I've been working since I was 22. A pretty late age to start work I'd say, still I was one of the first to start working compared to my college buddies, who continued their further studies in the UK. As for me, family fund issues prevented me from going back to obtain my Bachelor's in Communications. My original plan was to go to work for a couple of years, earn the money, then continue pursuing my studies by funding myself. (Parents have been paying for them all through before.) But that obviously never happened, and I don't see it happening at all in the future. I got too comfortable. Thought to myself, why go back to school when I'm already stable now.
Anyways, almost three years in the working field, I've gone through 4 jobs, including three free lancing jobs. A lot for one who's only been working for exactly 2 years and 8 months now? I think not. I'm sure many have gone through more. According to recruitment agencies statistics, by the time an individual hits 38, he or she would have gone through at least 15 jobs throughout their lives. Probably more too.
Today I work at a recruitment agency called Manpower Staffing Services. It started off as a temp agency in Milwaukee, and then went on to become one of the biggest recruiting companies globally. (So they preach to us everyday at work, how true this is, I don't know. But we do fall into one of the fortune 500's.)
I love my job, I have never loved any other job so much. What do I do? I'm a copy writer! I basically correct job advertisements, change the words around, make them look more 'attractive' for a candidate to want to apply for a particular job. I also help the marketing team on and off in their branding and advertising stuff. Lately, I've also been handling our website. Creating very basic HTML codes, uploading images, and some basic graphic stuff. Above all this, I love my job because I can come in at 8:30am, and leave at 5:30pm on the dot. I love my job because it allows me time to surf the forums everyday! I love my job because it's only 5 minuets away from where I live. I love my job because it pays decently. I love my job because it's stress free, worry free and allows me to do just what I like. So in conclusion, I just love what I do, and when the weekends here, Monday's usually a day I look forward to, and not dread.
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A few days ago, a good friend of mine called me up and said, "I'm 8 days late!" She sounded frantic, excited and scared all at the same time. So what would first pop up in your mind? She got knocked up. Impossible! Mind you I had the impression she was still a virgin. And apparently her first time was a couple of weeks back. Which may have gotten her into trouble now.
"What do you think could be the problem," I asked her. She was more eager to tell me that she'd 'lost it' than actually facing the real thruth here. Her first words were, "Don't you want to hear about it first? And who I'd done it with!!"
Seriously, girl you're out of your mind. She's only 22 still in college, and has been aspiring to be a fashion designer forever. And throughout the years I've known her, she is one extremely talented woman. I was more worried for her condition than she was. Obviously to her it didn't mean anything. Or perhaps she was convinced that she hadn't gotten pregnant.
So once she told me the entire details of her 'wild sex' story, with this dude she met ONLINE and has known for a little under 5 months, she bawled her eyes out, and this time I heard real fear and worry in her voice. I told her to calm down, and tried assuring her that perhaps it's just imballanced hormones or something. She carried on sobbing for the next 40 minuets. I stayed quiet on the phone. I honestly did not know what to say. I mean, what would I do if I were in her situation? Marry a man you hardly know? Have the child? Consider this, where I come from unwed mothers are shun away from the society and cursed by your religion. (She's a hindu). On the other hand, the guy is chinese, which makes matters worst for her. So what's the next move? Abortion perhaps? Which is going to cost thousands of dollars, and not only is it illegal and the sort of penalty she might face, this will leave a permanent scar in her life. What happens to her dreams and hopes two years down the road? I wept for her, I wept along with her. I really felt for her. Yet I was lost for words. She hung up five minuets later. I was in shock silent mode for a while.
The next morning, on my way to work, she called again. She said she did the right thing by telling her parents what happened. Surprisingly enough they were very understanding about the situation, and wanted to meet the guy. She sounded better, and felt better too. HOWEVER, she's not done any tests yet. For all we know, she's probably clear. Though I suppose her parents would put a lock and chain on her now, and keep a watchfull eye.
I've still to hear from her. I am also afraid to call her, somehow the results of her 'fear' seem to fear me more. Most of all, I'm not sure why I keep thinking if we will still be friends now. Which is extremely selfish of me.
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