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lulubrooks
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(cont.)
INT. PENTHOUSE
The statue 'watches' through the window of the room as the merriment continues.
EXT. URBAN STREET
A HAND reaches through the statue's ZIPPER and presses a DOORBELL.
INSERT: A BELL RINGS...
INT. PENTHOUSE
...and captures the attention of Capone who spots the statue. The libation stops.
CAPONE
HA-HAAA, Poor Boy Noonan's
mama's been reading him the
classics again.
Machine guns in hand, the gang takes aim. Capone barks an order. A cigar, barely, hangs on the edge of his lips.
CAPONE
BURN IT A NECKLACE, BOYS!
INT. CAPONE STATUE
Pleiades' POV- the minions scope the effigy.
PLEIADES
Can't anyone graciously accept
a gift these days? (screaming)
GET DOWN!
Four figures tumble through the small squeezed space. GUNFIRE BURSTS rip HOLES through the top section of the statue and SPEARS OF LIGHT thrust through.
EXT. URBAN STREET
The wounded statue stands silent.
PLEIADES (OS)
You guys oka....what th..
ROAR of a train approaches.
KA-BAMMMM! A TORNADO blindsides the effigy.
Screams blare from the statue as it is driven to the top of the funnel. 'Capone' rides the twister like 'Pecos Bill' down drenched city streets.
SOPHIE (OS)
(indignantly)
BUT, I AM ZE GRANDDAUGHTER OF
EUGENE DELACROIXAHHHHHHH!
The 'train roar' dopplers away and evolves into...
INT. FUNERAL HOME
...screaming PEOPLE run for the exit doors of a FUNERAL HOME knocking COFFINS and CORPSES onto dirty floors. The room empties of the living except for teenager, LUCY DELANEY. She looks slightly out of focus from the PROJECTOR LIGHT dancing across her face and into GREEN EYES.
On a SCREEN of stitched together SHROUDS, Lucy watches the Lumiere Brothers' short film, 'TRAIN PULLING INTO A STATION'.
EXT. CHANGING LANDSCAPE
'Pecos Al' barrels through the storm, down city streets, and into a suburban landscape.
PLEIADES (OS)
(screaming)
WHERE THE HELL IS THE RUDDER?
HELLO (OS)
Did it look like I was building
the Yankee Clipper?
The Capone tornado bullets through the thundering landscape, from rural plains to hilly regions. The funnel picks up man-made OBJECTS, FLORA, and FAUNA, dropping some and smashing others. Sophie screams from the effigy.
SOPHIE (OS)
I AM ZEE GRANDDAUGHTER OF
EUGENE DELACROIX AND I 'AVE
BEEN DESCRIBED IN PUBLICATION!
EXT. DEVIL'S TOWER
Sweating WORKERS stand before a steaming LOCOMOTIVE with a 'W' painted on it's side. The orange glow of the coal burning engine backlights a monster of a MAN holding a SLEDGEHAMMER. He pounds the hammer in his hand, counting off time passing.
EXT. GREAT PLAINS
The storm rolls in around the second engine with a painted 'E' on it's side. The red glow of the furnace backlights another monster of a MAN holding a PIC AXE. He is unfazed, even bored, by the storm and twirls the axe restlessly.
WORKERS cower under the train as sixty-mile per hour winds blow debris everywhere. The Camera Man remains stationed at the viewfinder while an ASSISTANT fights to lay a long, PAPER STRIP beside the tracks. Pieces of the coated paper whip up as he tries to light it.
CAMERA MAN
(screaming over the wind)
WE'VE GOT A FINE, FINE HELL
HERE, BOY!
WHOOOSH!
The fire burns horizontally from the gusts.
Panoramic photograph of SEVEN furious TORNADOES ripping up the landscape.
EXT. CHANGING LANDSCAPE
The Capone tornado rips through the wind and rain. Trees, cattle, billboards, and houses weave through the funnel.
PLEIADES (OS)
DO SOMETHING, FLYER!
HELLO (OS)
(calmly)
Oh, okay Pleiades, hold on, just
let me press this big, red button,
for a LEFT AT ALBEQUERQUE!
TAPPING SOUNDS on wood.
HELLO (OS)
(snickering)
Buzz-a-dee-buzz, buzzzz.
SILENCE.
KA-BOOOOOM!
The statue blasts from the funnel and hurtles towards the earth with it's screaming passengers.
EXT. DELANEY FARM
The statue spirals down from the monster storm cell. It hurtles through a forest of 80-foot PONDEROSA PINE TREES, some tied with RIBBONS around their trunks, and crashes through the Elm windbreaks, lobbing ornaments everywhere.
Barreling at a 45 degree angle, the FEET of the effigy carve parallel tracks through the cropfields, spraying ravaged produce everywhere. They burn off from the friction, and the statue comes to a rest on it's knees in the cornfield. It bobbles back and forth, then a little less, until finally, silence.
The storm moves from the area and a starry night backlights the still statue.
EXT. MAIN STREET, SWEETWATER - NIGHT
A luxury 1928 SUIZA CABRIOLET cruises down the wet Main Street. The sedan is the only vehicle on the road. CITIZENS watch as the posh vehicle splashes by.
Sweetwater is a typical American town of the late 1920's; a Woolworths, Standard Oil, Safeway Grocery, a soda fountain, and all the amenities which make up a small community. Sweetwater just ain't as 'perty' as it's name suggests. It's a sepia-stained village slowly fading into history under a layer of coal dust, 50 years thick.
The car drives towards a BOWLING HALL.
INT. BOWLING ALLEY
A GROUP OF RICHLY-ATTIRED MEN bowl.
Liam, with a BOWLING BALL chained to each leg, sits at a table with Devin. Devin spins a PAPER DISC, with images of a CROSSBILL BIRD and a CAGE on either side, on the table. As it rotates, the bird appears to be caged.
DEVIN
It'll take nothing short of an
Inquisition to get the Delaney
acreage.
Liam moves uncomfortably in his chair as a bowling ball rolls away. He powers the shackled leg back under the table.
LIAM
Ah, I think the federal policy
of eminent domain will be suf-
ficient. (laughing uneasily)
Certainly it would mean less
fatalities, right?
DEVIN
Yes...just. W and E are on my
ass. We gotta move fast before
the gov annexes it for BN.
FLASH OF LIGHTENING.
CRASH OF THUNDER.
The Monsignor places his petite size six BOWLING SHOES on a bench. Devin greets him.
DEVIN
Welcome, please.
Devin gestures for the Monsignor to sit. He obliges and puts his bowling shoes on.
MONSIGNOR
Thank-you, Mr. Haffner. I
hear I'm in for quite the
visual feast.
Devin snaps his fingers and the group of Men shuffle over carrying a giant table holding something covered by a TARP. Liam cannot see past the group as Devin performs his best snake-oil salesman impersonation.
DEVIN
Constantine had Constantinople,
Charlemagne had Aixla-Chappele,
Jerome...had Rome. The citizens
of Sweetwater DESERVE the pat-
ronage of a GREAT MAN!
The Monsignor appears cautious.
MONSIGNOR
Mr. Haffner, while I've no doubt
you're exceptional in your field...
Devin cuts him off.
DEVIN
BEHOLD!
Devin rips the tarp off. The Monsignor gasps.
DEVIN
THE LOURDES OF THE NEW WORLD!
The Monsignor rises from the bench as a wash of DIVINE LIGHT falls upon his ecstatic face.
MONSIGNOR
It's, it's beauty manifest,
it's the WORD made...
Liam tries to see through the crowd but cannot. He appreciates the Monsignor's aesthetic arrest, so Liam gently offers.
LIAM
Flesh, Monsignor?
A TEAR runs down the Monsignor's cheek.
MONSIGNOR
(hard swallow)
No, RHINESTONES!
A hugh crystal, gold, and ruby MODEL of a sanctified Disneyland flouresces atop the table. Liam is confused and slides over to get a closer look. There is complete silence except for the sound of Liam's bowling balls roll-arcing around his ankle.
MONSIGNOR
Is it mine?
DEVIN
The good book does promise
His kingdom to come, but I
can deliver this one now, for
a price, or in this case, a
parcel.
The Monsignor devours the model as he runs his hands erotically over its' surface. Devin stands close behind the Monsignor, the many faceted jewels reflect only Devin's image.
MONSIGNOR
(seething)
One manservant, ruins to live
in and daily deliveries of red
humor, to my door no less. With
this, I'd be the Patriarch of
the Occident.
The Monsignor walks around the table contemplating the palace. He faces Devin and extends his dealmaking hand.
MONSIGNOR
Think of me as a business part-
ner in a chusable.
DEVIN
And you may consider me a
shaman with an expense account.
EXT. DELANEY FARM - DAY
DAWN. The sun rises from behind a range of hills.Ornaments, organic debris, and squashed CATTLE litter the landscape.
SUNRAYS illuminate the storm-ravaged face of the cigar-chomping statue. It rocks a little, then a little more, then alot.
PLEIADES (OS)
God...everyone alright?
Exhausted rumblings of 'yep'.
DZIGA (OS)
My nuts, dammit.
KNOCKING ON WOOD
The statue rocks tumultously.
PLEIADES (OS)
Shit!
A fierce kick sends a PLANK falling down between the effigy's legs.
A MONSTER PHALLUS
Pleiades slides down the plank and lands with finesse. She brushes dirt off her baggy black clothes then slaps away encroaching cornstalks.
PLEIADES
Christ...
Dziga rushes down the plank and takes a deep breath. He sees the forest of maize.
DZIGA
(looking around)
Unless Capone's got a SHUCKING
fetish, this ain't his sitting
room.
A SILVER FLASK tumbles down the ramp. Hello rolls down after the treasure, snapping it up as a river of sweat rolls down her face. Pleiades rushes to her side.
PLEIADES
(to Dziga)
GET THE KIT, SHE'S IN SHOCK!
Hello pulls off her Bowler hat and reveals a sweating BAG OF ICE on her head.
HELLO
(laughing)
Naw, just one helluva hangover.
She takes a swig from the flask, passes it to Dziga then takes out a CIGARETTE LIGHTER, flicks it open and hands it to Pleiades.
PLEIADES
Ah, thanks, but I'll take the
good stuff.
Hello hands her a LIPSTICK TUBE and Pleiades sips from the small object.
They venture into the cornfield. The Capone statue 'lords' over the field as three paths of rustling crops move away from the effigy.
SOMETHING tumbles down and lands on top of the stalks.
SOPHIE (OS)
I am zee granddaughter of...
oh hell.
EXT. DELANEY COMPOUND-MOMENTS LATER
The Delaney compound comes into view.
A GARDEN OF EDEN
Winded, Sophie emerges from the corn curtain. She has seen it all, until now.
SOPHIE
Zis is some sort of botanical
mecca, no?
HELLO
ONLY if there's a bathtub
Virgin Mary.
Sophie pulls out a BROWNIE CAMERA.
SOPHIE
I must document these specimans!
PLEIADES
(dryly)
You got 15 minutes 'cause I'm
betting tresspassing in hill-
billy country is tried in their
root cellars.
Pleiades explores the odd, yet beautiful homestead. Dziga lights up a cigarette and tosses the match into some BUSHES, it ignites. A beautiful blue flame surrounds the flower cluster, Dziga jumps back. Sophie runs over.
DZIGA
It fuckin' scorched my leather.
SOPHIE
Ze plants' defense mechanism,
perhaps?
The flame snuffs out. Dziga rips the plant out of the soil and holds it up, a trophy kill.
DZIGA
Not a very successful strategy
now, is it?
Boing-Boing shouts from afar.
BOING-BOING (OS)
SOPHIE!
EXT. ANOTHER AREA OF DELANEY FARM
Boing-Boing kneels over something as Pleiades stands behind her. Sophie walks up behind them. They all look quizzically towards the ground.
PLEIADES
Last I heard, those topped
the tip of Gabriel's sceptar.
The French haven't come up
with a new hybrid, have they?
Sophie bends over to a BED OF FLORIC ODDITIES which look like crystal Fleur-de-lis'. She picks one.
SOPHIE
(confused)
There are no such things as
organic fleur-de-lis', ze are
a stylistic representation of
either a lily or an iris.
Sophie examines the prismatic 'flower' closely.
PLEIADES
Seems pretty real to me.
SOPHIE
(a little surprised)
Considering that crystalline
silicates are the most abun-
dant minerals on earth, it is
not surprising to come across
lifeforms which appropriate these
substances in peculiar ways.
Sophie hands the sample back to Pleiades who holds it up as the sun rises, fully, over a distant hill and illuminates the whole valley.
The light hits the fleur-de-lis, refracts across the area and sends rainbow rays traveling to a nearby FENCE where a ROOSTER sleeps.
The light hits the Rooster.
ROOSTER
ER-ER-ERRRRRRRR.
INT. ROOTCELLAR
Amongst boxes and jars of FOODSTUFFS, a variety of painted PORTRAITS hang or lie against the walls.
ROOSTER (OS)
Er-er-errrrrrr.
John and Lucy, both asleep on the floor, wake up, distinguishing themselves from the static paintings.
CUT TO
INT. DELANEY HOUSE
John and Lucy walk through the house checking for storm damage. He peers out the window and sees the Capone Statue, then the carved 'tracks' as a result of the effigy's arrival. He pulls back, angry.
JOHN
LUCY! GET ME FIGHTEN' GLOVES!
Lucy grabs a pair of BOXING GLOVES hanging from a NAIL in the wall. She runs over and hands them to John who slaps them from her hands.
JOHN
NAW GIRL!
John reaches towards a SHELF and grabs a pair of BRONZED BOXING GLOVES.
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FADE IN:
EXT. NORTHERN HEMISPHERE SKY - NIGHT
Like a celestial wave, ribbons of light roll through the night sky...
The AURORA BOREALIS.
GLOWING METEOR DUST falls from the atmosphere and onto...
EXT. DELANEY FARM
...an empty field like a glittering carpet of jewels.
METAL CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENTS decorate the ASPEN and ELM TREES bordering the periphery of the field. Sporadic jolts of electrical current leap from ornament to ornament, tree to tree.
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY
DAWN. A four-foot high STATIONARY CAMERA mounted on it's own RAIL CAR. A PHOTOGRAPHER works at the back of the camera, underneath the DARK CLOTH.
PHOTOGRAPHER (OS)
SET IT OFF!
A 500-foot line of POWDER runs parallel to a TRAIN on a track. The powder IGNITES!
Touristy, garishishly hand-painted STILL PHOTOGRAPH of the GRAND TETONS of Wyoming.
EXT. GREAT PLAINS
Another 500-foot line of powder ignites.
Another touristy, hand-painted Still photograph of the MISSOURI RIVER.
EXT. DELANEY FARM
Crystalline, quartz THUNDEREGGS flash on the slopes of a horse-shoe-shaped ridge which surrounds an abnormally lush valley. The 1000-acre parcel yields exotic FLORA and stands in stark contrast to the adjoining, decimated county lands.
A MAN pulls a RICKSHAW, with a PASSENGER, on a twisty road which runs through the landscape. Rugged redhead, LIAM KIRKPATRICK (45)puffs like a steam engine as he draws the carriage along the heavily grooved road.
EXT. ANOTHER AREA OF DELANEY FARM
A scratchy record of an IRISH REEL plays across opulent cropfields.
A lone smack of LIGHTENING races across the sky and ORIENTAL POPPIES answer the display with flashes of their own.
Electric currents jump from one ornament to the next as the morning sky turns gloomy. Sprinkles of rain plop into LABYRINTHIAN STREAMS supplying irrigation to the fields.
In the middle of a newly-plowed field, lanky middle-ager, JOHN DELANEY dances and flays his arms in ritualistic celebration. He stomps down upturned lumps of soil, oblivious to Liam and by-the-book executive, DEVIN HAFFNER (35), who stand at the edge of the field.
DEVIN
(sarcastically)
New type of fertilizer?
Liam laughs politely. He slips on a metal head restraint which looks like a BRANKS DEVICE, but without the mouth piece.
LIAM KIRKPATRICK
John's a homeopath.
They walk towards the dancing Delaney.
DEVIN
(snickering)
Prefers plants over women,
does he?
LIAM
(polite laugh).
He believes humans can influence
plants and that, in turn, a
plant can affect the human
condition.
John sees them, stops his ritual, and walks towards the edge of the field.
LIAM (OS)
I've seen him place a daffodil
petal on his tongue and not
only tell you what county it
came from, but even through
who's garden gate it had passed.
John rubs his badly contracted hands.
LIAM
Hands giving you trouble?
JOHN
(with an Irish accent)
Aye, when company's unexpected.
LIAM
You come up to the house, I've
some ointment which may hurt,
I mean, help.
Devin cuts off the neighbourly exchange by forcing his 'greeting' hand towards John.
LIAM
John Delaney, Devin Haffner.
(to Devin) This property has
been in the Delaney family
since the Civil War.
They shake.
DEVIN
Sir, it's a pleasure. Your farm
really is quite extraordinary.
Such lush land in the middle of
granite and limestone. Indeed,
it seems to be the ONLY flour-
ishing parcel in the county.
JOHN
(dubiously)
Ta. (to Liam) What brings you?
LIAM
Mr. Haffner thinks he may be able
to bring a high-speed rail through
Sweetwater. It would move coal
four days faster from Powder Horn
to the east.
JOHN
(feigning sincerity)
AYE...aye, and did the coal express
the desire to arrive in Boston
four days sooner?
Devin laughs, but Liam recognizes the sarcasm.
LIAM
John...
Devin cuts him off.
DEVIN
Mr. Delaney, DE & W would like
to make you a very generous
offer which...
John interupts to address Liam.
JOHN
The SAME RAIL which used up
Sweetwater's 10,000 year coal
supply in half a century?
Liam twists the screws on the head device. He cringes in pain.
LIAM
John, everyone's goal is to
see our town prosper again.
DEVIN
Sweetwater needs long-range,
infrastructure developement.
With improved rail service,
this town would see vast econ-
omic benefits. You, of course,
would be nicely compensated.
Liam is slightly embarrassed as John reaches for a HOE. Devin notices.
DEVIN
You do realize that if the gov-
ernment believes your parcel is
critical for interstate trades
transportation, then you WILL
receive what they think your land
is worth. DE & W will end up
with the land either way.
John can barely hold the hoe above his head, but swipes it at Devin. Devin throws his arms up in mock surrender.
A CRACK OF THUNDER.
DEVIN
If I want a rail through, I
will get it. I'm the 'D' in
DE & W, and that makes me a
very persuasive lobbiest.
Devin trots away as Liam, reluctantly, follows. John yells after them.
JOHN
HELL WILL FREEZE OVER BEFORE
I'LL LEAVE.
Devin turns around as the skies burst with dime-sized HAIL. The ice rocks clank as they hit Liam's head restraint.
DEVIN
Well, Mr. Delaney, when it does,
you can bet Mephistopheles will
be enjoying a cozy fire provided
by coal from a DE & W line.
INT. RUN-DOWN CHURCH
A FIRE flickers in a fireplace as the storm rages outside. A MAN holds a CHALICE before the flames. Steam rises from the cup as a grotesque, PURPLE MOUTH drinks from it. GOLD FLAKES cover the tongue as the Purple Mouth speaks.
PURPLE MOUTH
I'll be bowling tonight.
QUASIFIELD (25) shuffles, like a man of 80, to a SIDEBOARD. He picks up a mirror, but in place of the reflective plate there is an ARTIST'S TABLET.
He walks towards the hearth, then holds the 'mirror' up. He flickers through the pages of the 'flipbook'. IMAGES of a young, beautiful man flash through a series of self-approving gestures.
Quasifield peeks over the top of the pseudo-mirror and sees the primping MONSIGNOR (2000) in all his hideous, Nosferatu glory. He wears the CROWNS OF UPPER AND LOWER EGYPT.
QUASIFIELD
(not really surprised)
Ah, Monsignor, those are the
crowns of Upper and Lower Egypt.
The Monsignor whips an ornately decorated CHUSABLE around his shoulder.
MONSIGNOR
IN TIME Quasifield, in time.
INT. PENTHOUSE
Electrical interference mars the radio broadcast of jazz music. In an ornately decorated penthouse, a GROUP OF MEN, holding MACHINE GUNS, watch AL CAPONE humiliate a BLOODIED MAN on his knees.
CUT TO
Light shines through a PINHOLE and projects an inverted image of Capone, his minions, and his victim onto a vertical surface.
A CAMERA OBSCURA.
A SET OF EYES.
World-worn PLEIADES ISABELLA ETOR (35) has seen many things, some good, some bad, and a small, yet dense, clouding over her right eye suggests she's witnessed even worse.
PLEIADES
(toasting)
To scandal, and getting
it on film. Ready to roll?
ANGLE-SILHOUETTE of a woman stuffed into a small, dark space. SOPHIE DELACROIX (65) cranks a handle on a CAMERA, it clatters for a few seconds, then stops.
SOPHIE
(with a French accent)
Alas, we are all simply
silver halides radiating on
a celluloid stage.
A spotlight falls upon the face of HELLO BAKER (25). She takes a swig from a silver FLASK. A BOWLER HAT falls off her head as she invokes the name of an idol.
HELLO
Sergei, Seeerrrgggeei.
She produces a camera from thin air, then places the lens through a...
PAPER-MACHE EYE.
The lens pops out of the pupil. A second lens pushes through a second, paper-mache eye.
A ray of light sits on the face of DZIGA KAUFMAN (40). Alot of living has worn away most of this 'New Faces' competition winner's natural grace. He speaks and it sounds like it originates from the bottom of a well.
DZIGA
Dirt on Capone, how fockin'original.
SOPHIE
Ze only true, original action
was ze Big Bang. Everything
since zhen has been ze re-mixing
of it's molecules.
DZIGA
You would know, Citizen Zero,
being around SINCE the begin-
ning of time an everythin'.
Teenager BOING-BOING FITZGERALD pulls back from two 'spyholes'. Light pours through and paints her young face in high contrast.
BOING-BOING
You still here, Dziga? Thought
you went down with the Luisitania.
DZIGA
Givin' me a hard-on, Boing-Boing.
Hello shouts.
HELLO
Your muse gets any younger and
you'll be screwing a strand of
DNA in a G-string.
DZIGA
I haven't worn g-strings since
the epic chafing of 1925.
A verbal BRAWL. Pleiades has heard it all before.
PLEIADES
(resigned)
I should have taken the hint
from the Flaherty fiasco. I
COULD be lying on a beach in
Brazil.
Hello stops her tirade long enough to respond.
HELLO
OH-NO, sister. Don't be blaming
me for not marking on mineral.
PLEIADES
'Nanook of the North' came
pretty damn close to being,
'Nanook of an ICE SHEET
drifting through Baffin Bay,
down Davis Strait, and into
the Atlantic'.
She laughs.
PLEIADES
Hell, if I, truly, had any
foresight we could have been
the authors of a new genre,
the 3-week single shot. I
gotta great idea, an 8-hour
zoom of the Eifel Tower.
Sophie pipes up at the 'insult'.
SOPHIE
Why do you always make fun
of ze French.
DZIGA
(sarcastically)
You guys ARE Gauls.
PLEIADES
(tired of it)
I've been Dame Fortune's per-
sonal piss pot for over a
decade. You guys ruin this, and
you're going back to ridgerunner
country. Now, job at hand, incendiary
expose on a fat gangster.
HELLO
Y'all ignore Dziga, he's just
cheesed 'cause he's the butt
this time.
INT. URBAN STREET
RAIN pummels the painted, splintered face of a 30-foot tall WOODEN STATUE OF AL CAPONE standing on the pavement in front of the HAWTHORNE HOTEL. The statue rocks back and forth.
DZIGA (OS)
Kiss my ass.
(continuiing)
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