The whole Christian perspective on things never really made sense to me. Sure, I suppose I bought into it until Confirmation, but then I learned to think and something about the whole story just didn’t click. After watching Monty Python’s "Life of Brian" about 50 times in high school, I was convinced that things didn’t go down in the past the way the Bible says.

The two biggest sticking points for me were (1) the whole issue of evil and (2) the inconsistent personality of God. I suppose the existence of evil actually falls under the nature of God, but for this particular case, I am speaking more of God’s personality.

For example, why would a god who supposedly loves us so much put us through so much shit? Why would he demand such penance, sacrifice, and subservience from us? I always felt that for a perfect being, he sure had some ego issues unresolved.

And then the other day I was reading and thinking and just kind of letting things in my head roll around and all of a sudden I realized that it made a lot more sense if we recognized that God isn’t really what he says he is, but rather manipulates the media to stay in control and continue to extract tribute from us, the ignorant subjects. Kind of like Saddam Hussein in a way.

I started thinking more about it and realized that God must have seized power from Lucifer in a coup of sorts and has now instilled himself as the dictator of all there is, or at least all that Lucifer created. God sent down these messages announcing who he is and what the rules were going to be from now on. Most of the life on earth and other planets probably missed this message (but we don’t really know. He may have sent messages to all forms of life from algae to zebras.) As it were, the people on earth got the message, but didn’t make too much of it for a while until God sent a captured POW to earth as an act of war.

You see, Jesus was actually an agent of Satan who infiltrated heaven in an attempt to get inside to help force open the gates for the legions of Satan. Unfortunately, he got caught. (I’m guessing that he drank too much one night and said the wrong thing. God, being the tyrant that he is, commands incredible fear from his followers, so the guy who heard Jesus talking shit about this stuff went and tattled first thing. Actually even stuck Jesus with the bill at the bar they were drinking at.)

In an attempt to prove how ruthless he is and instill fear in the opposing army of Satan, he sent Jesus to earth and forced him to live the horrible life of humanity. Jesus, being one of the finest trained soldiers in Satan’s horde, knew what was going on and preaches Satan’s message of love, peace, and carnal pleasure to all who will listen. God can’t stand for this so he changes plans and had Jesus executed. Satan sent a few well placed informants to earth to help fan the coals of Jesus’s message, and almost was successful, but God’s PR machine got a hold of the story and spun it so that it looked like Jesus was not only a member of God’s team, but God’s own son! It was THE most successful PR campaign in the history of everything, akin to reformulating George Bush’s public image enough that people vote him in for President. We’re talking that big.

Taking it all back a bit farther, the best I can make of it goes like this:

Lucifer is the creator, plain and simple. He is not a perfect omniscient being like the Bible portrays God to be, but rather an extremely intelligent meta-force out seeing what he could do. He created everything and let it be. He created the world that we inhabit as well as the Astral Plain and the heavenly realms, where all the cosmic intellectuals hung out. He also built this super luxurious resort that he affectionately called "Hell," but more on that in a minute.

Lucifer loves everything and everyone, a total Zen dude. He is all about having fun and getting along. Do What Thou Wilt Shall be The Whole of The Law. He is pretty smart about everything and is able to make everyone happy enough, that thoughts of having someone else in charge never get entertained. Except by one pathetic bastard: God.

God and Lucifer were best friends, you see, only God was incredibly insecure about their friendship. His continuing jealousy of Lucifer’s power and popularity finally got the better of him and he struck. He duct-taped Lucifer from head to toe and sent him out with the trash. He told the heavenly masses that Lucifer had decided to take a vacation from the partying for a while and go hang out in Hell for a while. God explained that Lucifer was thinking of going on another creative binge like when he made the universe and needed some time alone to hammer out the details of what he wanted to do. In the meantime, Lucifer had asked God to look after things for awhile.

Now everyone knew that God and Lucifer were best of friends and accepted this story hook, line, and sinker. No one really noticed any difference in anything at first, but God was working behind the scenes to ensure his place at the head of the table was secure. He secretly formed an inner circle of protectors who were in on the secret. God dispatched a few of them to track down Lucifer’s body to make sure that he wouldn’t return. They found him lounging in Hell, basking in the known carnal pleasures. They set up camp around Hell and refused to let Lucifer out.

Lucifer didn’t really mind what was going on. He enjoyed the break from being the center of attention and it pleased him to see God having such a good time running things. But when God started changing the rules and exacting tribute from humanity, Lucifer tried to straighten things out. That’s when the shit hit the fan.

Lucifer finally gets pissed and starts to fight back, but it’s too late. Just as modern American proves, those who control the media outlets control the masses, and guess who had just released his magnum opus book of lies?

It was too late for Lucifer to do anything. God had been spreading falsehoods around and working his magic on everyone in such a way that he was pretty much invincible by that time. Lucifer knew that God’s weak point was his need for adulation from humanity so he tried to get the people’s opinion. Unfortunately for us, God controlled the media and was able to convince/ coerce/ scare humanity into believing his version.

Lucifer resigned himself to life in Hell. The two of them haven’t given up the struggle for humanity though. God wants us to worship him; Lucifer wants us to enjoy ourselves and wallow in carnal pleasure. God has portrayed Hell as a place of eternal suffering, but really it is just a place to hang out and be free to do what you want. I mean, how bad can it be if it is the ‘punishment’ for having sex?

They have reached a slight armistice in that if God can convince people to follow him, he gets to keep them. After all, he really isn’t forcing them to do anything, just convincing them that you should ignore your earthly desires and worship a deity who claims to be perfect in spite of obvious personal flaws. He agreed to let those that prefer Lucifer’s lifestyle retire at his resort, but he does everything he can to make them want to stay away.

This means that we can quit worrying about how to live. If you are happy worshipping God, keep up the good work. Nothing like have the ruler of the universe on your side. At the same time, though, don’t shy from fulfilling your desires. As long as you don’t overly impinge on others, you’ll make it to Hell eventually.

And boy, what a party we’ll have then! See (most of) you there.

We don’t currently have the ability to do this, but I think if we could, we should put contraception in all the drinking water in the world. Of course, since we are hypothesizing here, let’s make clear that I am suggesting only a form of contraception that has no side effects at all and can be reversed with a simple pill or antidote of some kind. It actually doesn’t have to be in the drinking water, but some people might be tempted to cheat if you had to go in and get a shot or something. The water is the best way to get everyone.

I can’t think of a good reason not to implement this type of population control. It would be a boon to underdeveloped countries struggling with overpopulation and underproduction, as well as prevent the spread of diseases like AIDS between mother and child in utero. Women in these situations consistently opt for birth control when provided; this would be all the better for them.

It wouldn’t be just a third world thing though. If we did it in one place, we would have to do it in all places. But it would be just as beneficial in other places, albeit in perhaps different ways.

Take the U.S. for example. It would prevent unwanted teen pregnancies (and unwanted adult pregnancies as well, I suppose). We would have to work hard at educating kids about the dangers of STDs, but that can be done.

The image of welfare mothers getting knocked up to get a bigger check would be a thing of that past. No more children born to pathetic women who get pregnant to trap a man. No more bastard children to bring down athletic and political careers. No more abortions for the most part, because there would no longer be any surprise or unwanted pregnancies.

Only people willing and capable would be allow to procreate. By requiring people to pass certain minimal standards of economic and emotional/ mental competence, we could raise the overall quality of parenting in the country. Factor in genetic screening for disease and we could also greatly reduce health and education costs incurred through disease and genetic births defects.

Antidotes would only be granted to fit couples who wanted children. They would have to be able to demonstrate financial stability as well as emotional competence and an awareness of the responsibilities necessary for positive parenting. Kids aren’t pets who just need to be fed and bathed and everything works out okay. Potential parents need to be aware that they must spend time, lots of time, with their kids. Parenting is like a marriage, only more so. You must adapt your life to raise the child, not just be a bread winner or mediator of punishments. If you don’t want to have to raise your kids 24/7, then you shouldn’t be having them.

Of course the potential exists for abuse. We would have to insure that all minorities, for example, were given access to the fertility antidote. It would not be good if blacks or Jews or Tutsis or Chinese or whoever were not allowed to breed. But we could also ensure that children were borne only to parents who truly wanted them, who were prepared to raise and love them.

This solution obviously wouldn’t solve all the problems we have, but it would be a useful start. I wonder how far away we are from being able to do this actually. I’d vote for it in the next referendum!!

Is purpose something that finds us?

(Is purpose something we really need, or only think we do?)

-Does it search for us? Where does it come from?

-If we yearn for it, call for it, does it find us easier?

-Or is it like a wood nymph, invisible when looked at directly but seen in the corners of the eye when the mind forgets to think about it and wanders off to a new demesne?

--Like the thought on the tip of the tongue, stuck in the frontal lobes that can't be retrieved until you forget that you can't come up with it, on to splurge forth when you are eating your desert or contemplating whether to wash your hair a second time before mauling in the conditioner. Reaching for it just pushes it away. Maybe, maybe not.....

If we search for it, how do we know what we are looking for? If we know what we are looking for, doesn't that require that we have found it? Purpose isn't a rental video or a loaf of bread or a microbrewed ale that you're not sure what you want until you peruse the selection. You know purpose when you have it, (don't you? do I?) Or do you only know when you don't have it?

Is laziness a personal shortcoming, a disease, a defect, to be avoided, or is it simply lack of purpose? Depression, procrastination, mistakes, video games, MTV, are all lack of purpose, no? Modern life floods the sensors that detect purpose, strive for purpose, want it, ask for it, seek, need, relish in it. TV? Who found their purpose on TV? If a purpose is related to TV, it always has to do with being inside the TV, not from televisionary receipts. If you lack purpose in your life, go outside.

Purpose sought but not found: is the journey the purpose, the ends irrelevant to the means? Is my purpose to wonder what my purpose is? We only know what we know because we know it, nothing more. How can you find purpose in a slough of arbitrary meaning? Even more important, how can purpose find you?

Is purpose a decision? a gut feeling? love at first sight? I know there is no meaning in life, but I still want to do something with it. Is direction different than purpose? Can one have purpose without a plan? Are purpose and goals two sides of a coin or separate entities related to achievement?

I sure hope you aren't disappointed that I don't have the answers. I know what I want to do in life, I know what I like to do in life, but I don't feel as though I have any purpose. I have done things on purpose, but most of what I do just happens. I try to let myself be me as free as possible. I've gotten in trouble that way, but for the most part, I'm a good person and good things happen when I just let me be. My life has meaning, my life has direction; so what if I have no purpose?

Or perhaps I don't believe I am worthy of having a purpose. The ultimate low self esteem characteristic. Goals? Yes. Achievement? Why not? Purpose? I'm not worthy!!! Perhaps I need a lack of purpose to drive me to do stuff. That brings me back to the sought-but-not-found bit. But if this is the case, why the hell do I feel that the reason I waste time playing computer games is that I have no purpose? Am I not looking hard enough or am I concentrating too much?

Fuck it. If any of you all have any extra purposes, DCC them to me in chat sometime. I'll put them to good use, I swear.

As infuriating as it is to deal with the steady reductionism of the toddler’s inquires, imagine what it would be like to live like that, stuck inside a head with a brain that refuses to accept answers on an arbitrary basis, instead pushing on with "Why, why, why?!?!??!?!" until it feels pathological. Do you know what it feels like to be blessed with the power to deconstruct and examine, yet cursed with a lack of synthesis, the ability to solve (or even resolve!) the conundrums and queries that bubble up without invitation?

Welcome to my world.

I am not sure when I became so hopelessly inquisitive, and I sure as hell don’t know why. I don’t remember being overly intrigued by the ways, whys, and how’s of stuff as a kid. I never took the TV apart to see how it worked or tried to dissect the dog, though I do remember cutting open a dears head once to look at its brain. And as much time as I spend asking questions of myself, critically analyzing thoughts and ideas, I am hopelessly gullible in conversation with people. But give me time on my own to think about the world and the people in it, and I just get sucked in.

If I had to try to pin it down, I would say that my splendid American collegiate education contributed the most to my state. Whether it was the classes or the psychedelics I took, well, that’s something that still needs sorting out.

With the exception of maybe history, most collegiate programs train you to deconstruct, take it apart, find out what makes it up, makes it happen. Scientific method, hermeneutic circle, etc., etc. etc., ad nauseum. Mix this in with a low sense of self confidence, and I spend all my time trying to figure out what the hell I know. Every time I come up with an answer, my deconstruction mechanism kicks and says, "Well, yeah okay, but then how come THAT?, " always staking me a level deeper. I suppose I am learning all the way, but it would be nice to be able to just accept stuff.

I can’t just accept things though, because I know that fundamentally, there is no meaning in anything that we say, do, or think. that’s what psychedelics taught me. If a tree falls in the forest, it still makes noise, but if there are no people around to think about it, all the stuff in the universe doesn’t have any a whit of meaning. Meaning only has as much meaning as we are willing to give it.

Part of my eternal search owes itself to this understanding. If you take anything back far enough, there comes a point where it’s all arbitrary. The words we use, the categories we employ, the way we act, these are all agreed upon symbols and system for getting along, but there is no reason that it has to be done this way. Any casual glance at the cultural variation around the world makes this evident. Hell, there’s not even a reason why we should have started down that path in the first place. If we could rewind this chemistry experiment we call life and run it again, we’d get a radically different result. How can we care so much about stuff that has no inherent meaning?

As long as you don’t take it that far and remind yourself that we all live in a dream, one can get by playing with, and accepting the rules of the games we play. Its impossible to play along completely though, when the only thing you know is that everything else you know is wrong. Within each little system of meaning its all coherent, but the instant you step outside that system you can see it’s just a sham.

Or maybe it’s just that I relish pondering the imponderables. Maybe I don’t really want to know, I just like to think, to explore with my mind, constructing potentials and possibilities, trying each one on for size, stabbing at meaning in a dark room with a blindfold on. Doesn’t really accomplish much, but it’s a better way to spend your time than beating your head on the cement.

It isn’t all bad, you know. Asking questions gets you lots of relevant answers if you surround yourself with the right people (you hear me, WastedP?!?!?) But even more than this, asking questions requires that you know what you don’t know. You don’t ask people your name because you know that. You might ask someone why you have that name though. Always be pushing the limits of knowledge like that.

Sometimes I get positive feedback about it. My wife often asks me things and I often can answer them. Sometimes she complains that she can never tell me anything that’s happening in the news because I know it in advance. So I suppose that keeping my ear to the ground is paying off. But damn I wish that sometimes I could just be satisfied. But then again, I’d have stopped learning. I would rather be hopelessly lost in a sea of questions than ridiculously complacent in uncritical ignorant bliss.

Unfortunately, he was right in other respects.

The population of the earth has continued to grow in a geometric fashion over the last couple centuries and although food production has generally kept up, there are other pressing matters that should concern us all. Actually, I don’t know if they should concern you, because I don’t think there is anything we can do about it. Don’t waste your life being concerned, but I feel you ought to have an awareness of how things are going to go down in a few decades.

Here is a fact that I have only recently come to accept: We have squandered the opportunity to live sustainably on earth as a species. Let me amend that to say that the chances are not completely gone for the species as a whole, but I would hazard a guess that at least 60% or so of the people alive now are doomed to remember the end of the 20th Century as the peak of civilization. This is the only conclusion that a rational look at the state of the world can come too.

I have struggled with this issue for a long time, namely because when I looked, all I saw was how fucked up it all is but I still had this assumption that it would all work out somehow. I struggled because I could not for the life of me figure out how we were going to pull out of the tailspin we are in.

Then it dawned on me. My assumption that everything would work out was mistaken. There is no way that we can redeem the world as we know it. There are too many people, too much pollution, too much destruction without enough preservation and restoration. Its that simple.

Do you know how much land the human species physically occupies? Say we were to give each human on earth, figuring the current population at 6,000,000,000 people, give each person 4 square feet to stand in. That’s a 2 x 2 foot square box for those of you educated in the American school system, about 40 square decimeters (I had to look it up) for the metric folks. Not a lot of space by any means, but enough to stretch out a little bit.

So how much land do you think that all of us would take up if you put all 6,000,000,000 people’s 4 square feet in one spot?

A) one city block
B) an average U.S. city
C) a major U.S. city
D) an average county in a Midwestern State
E) an average New England State
F) an average MidWestern state
G) California
H) Texas
I) Alaska
J) the entire U.S.
K) China
L) Europe
M) North America
N) Asia
O) All of the above

Think about it before checking out the answer. I think you will be surprised.

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Answer: D) an average county in the Midwest. I did the math and you could fit all 6,000,00 people inside a square only 30 miles on a side. That’s 900 square miles, but it's only 30 miles on a side. You could drive around this square in an hour and a half, easy. I was pretty damn blown away when I first heard this. I actually didn’t believe it so I did the math, about 15 times. It’s a fact.

The point of this exercise is to help you realize that it really isn’t the population per se that is the problem, but the energy use of the population. The earth can’t support us at current usage levels. Think about this: the U.S. has about 1/25 of the world's population but uses about 1/4 of the total energy produced. Now realize that the American standard of living is seen as the goal for everyone in developing countries. When it comes to standards of living, everyone will want the highest possible. Whether it is human nature or good marketing, everyone will eventually become a consumer and just drive energy consumption up even more.

There is not enough energy available on earth, at least in a way that we can use it today, to support a worldwide standard of living equal to current standards in the U.S. Factor in the rising energy costs associated with computing, which are immense, and you might be able to start to see the picture.

They say that we have maybe 80 years of oil left. That means that in about 50 years things are going to get really sticky. Although up to 90% of crude oil is processed for fuel, its real value lies in lubrication. We can come up with alternative fuels and indeed are working on that even now. However, we can’t get by friction and if we run out of oil to use for lubrication, everything shuts down. No manufacturing, no turbines, no nuthin.

90% of the rainforests are gone. Destroyed. Plowed under. Never to return. If we were to stop cutting the forests immediately, in a few centuries or millennium they may grow back. If we cut them down completely, they are gone forever. Diversity aside, the value of the forests as air cleaners can not be overestimated. As we continue to pollute the air with carcinogens, health quality will drop, contributing to decreased worker productivity and increasing net energy consumption.

We are also running out of water. The water we have is being polluted or consumed at an alarming rate. More and more people are going to be drawing from smaller and smaller wells until it is all gone.

And I haven’t even touched on global warming and how it will wreak havoc on our system.

Nothing that I say here is a secret and I know you are all familiar with it. However, I think many of us have this assumption that somehow it will all work out. But things are being destroyed at such an incredible pace, a pace which is only accelerating as well, that I don’t see how we can be saved. If we were to stop current industrial practices immediately and put human and earthly health and longevity as our primary priorities, maybe, just maybe, we could avert a disaster. Financially it would be ruinous by today’s standards and for this reason this type of change will not be implemented. But we don’t have time to continue to piss in our bed, shit on our plate, and take, take, take. It doesn’t work out like that. We are living on borrowed time, people.

There will be massive drought and famine when there is no water and no arable land. The rich will procure the available resources and the people will riot. The rich will eventually run out of oil and their "well-oiled" machine will grind to a halt. Perhaps there will be enough remaining for people to begin to put it back together and rebuild in a sustainable manner.

Then again perhaps not. Either way, I think we are all going to get to see how it works. It won’t be too long now.

I’d start learning how to hunt, fish, and farm if I were you.