Anyway, he took me golfing. I really didn’t know what to expect. My golfing experience consists of 9 holes 10 years ago with 2 12-year friends of my brother. I smashed some balls at the driving range a couple times in the last year with my father-in-law, but for all practical purposes I am a total and complete newbie.

I borrowed a old set of clubs from my father-in-law, who was pretty worried about the whole ordeal. He is a serious button-down type of guy who takes golf as seriously as heart surgery (that’s what he did before he went into hospital administration). He was concerned that I would foul the course so he took me to the driving range to practice a week before the actual golfing date. After hitting a couple hundred balls, I actually improved my swing quite a bit, but unfortunately this new knowledge apparently got left at the driving range. It wasn’t with me on the fairway, at least.

Golf day arrives. I take a bullet train out to the area where the course is and someone picks me up. Our group is about 20 people from his flock. I had met a couple of them before, but it was the first time I had seen most of them. We broke up into foursomes and started off.

The game itself really isn’t any different from the American game I don’t think. Same little ball into the same little hole. Due to high utilities' costs though, the fairways don’t get a lot of water and were rather brown and dry. Or maybe that is standard on American courses too. I dunno.

One really, really cool thing is the caddy system here. In Japan, you NEVER carry your own clubs and you never have to tip your caddy! There are no carts for the players, but the clubs are on a cart that runs on a track around the course. The cool thing is that the carts can steer themselves!! Our caddy was a female, and while she would ride the cart a little bit, more often she would just push a button on her belt and the cart would start up, drive along the track, and then stop at the right spot. I was entranced with this little auto-pilot display throughout the entire 18 holes. Totally cool.

There was a pit stop after the fourth and 14 holes. Steamed wet towels and a quick beer later, we are back on our feet. Lunch between the front and back nine was udon noodles and a big mug of beer and then back out we traipsed.

I think I did pretty good for never having golfed before. I ended the day at double par, 144. 74 on the front, 70 on the back. I did have a couple nice drives and a great putt, so I was happy. Everyone agreed the greens were extremely fast at this course, which only made me feel better about my score.

The real fun started that night though. We all stayed at a local inn run by another member of Hishida’s flock. We checked in and headed straight for the bath.

Japanese make a big deal out of baths. They are often a group affair, occasionally coed, but usually not. I did go to one coed onsen once but was extremely disappointed when the only women there were about 80 years old and shaped like bowling balls.

The bath at this inn was normal: a bunch of little "stalls" with a faucet and shower head on a hose, soap, shampoo, and mirror. Each station also had a little stool to sit on and a bucket to splash with. There was also a hot water pool, a cool water pool, and an outdoor pool. Everyone also gets a small towel about the size of a hand towel that you can hold in front of you to keep people from either oogling your manhood or cackling at your lack thereof.

Japanese baths are not for washing in; they are for soaking in. You must first rinse your body before getting in so you don’t bring a bunch of sweat, grease, and blood with you and pollute the water. After soaking for a bit, you get out and wash up, then get back in a soak for some more. Some baths also have a stream of falling water that is nice to sit under and get a natural falling water massage on the shoulders. Don’t let the water hit you on the face though. Eyelids are not a very effective defense against falling water pounding your eyeballs.

After bathing, we hustled back to our room and donned the yukata, a Japanese style robe. Mine of course was a touch too small, but what the hell was I supposed to do? Thusly attired and knees sticking out, we trundled off to dinner.

Dinner rocked. A full-course Japanese dinner, complete with sashimi, sukiyaki and of course, rice. We all sat in a large horseshoe on the floor with little floor chairs to prop our backs on. Dinner was served on these neat little tv-tray like stands. At the open end of the horseshoe was stage that later served as ground central for the singing and shouting that no Japanese party is complete without. While we were starting, one guy who served as MC talked about what a great day it was and how lucky we were to be able to enjoy golf. We were all drinking and having a grand time.

Then they handed out awards. There was best score, best score w/ handicap, longest putt, closest to the pin, and other such awards. I was recipient of one of the two most interesting awards. I don’t know if this is a peculiar Japanese award or not, but the second to last person gets the boo-bee (bewbie?) award. The winner and the second-to-the-last person get the two biggest awards actually. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the boo-bee award; I got the may-kah (maker) award for being last. I, in effect, enabled or "made" the boo-bee winner get their position and was awarded duly.

But the real fun started at the after-dinner party. We all went downstairs to the lounge for more karaoke and drinking. We had only beer and sake for dinner and now they switched into whisky mode. Whisky & Water is popular among them, but I prefer straight on the rocks.

The interesting thing about this is that Japanese people act according to the situation. The special deal about this second party is that it is a time designated as totally informal, no-holds-barred type of thing. Usually people are very careful about what they say and do, but in the after hours party, every thing that happens there stays there. People really let loose and it is crazy.

Most people were in their forties and were pretty straight and serious up to this point. I saw one lady doing a semi-strip tease for the guys, not really showing it all, but behaving in a way you would never see outside of this type of party. I was content to sit in the corner and get smashed as quietly as possible, but they kept dragging me out to dance.

This one lady was pretty small, so I picked her up and swung her around like a little kid. She clamped her legs around my waist like a bull rider, and started bucking like she was full of electricity. I have to admit it caused a flurry of circus activity down there and I had to quickly sit down to conceal the tent pole.

I was absolutely amazed at the difference in behavior among these people. It was like the switch for "college behavior" was turned on when they stepped into the lounge. I was very comfortable with it all, as I felt that I was finally able to interact without fear of causing a bad impression or offending someone.

It really was cool; it felt like a bunch of Americans, in a way. The next morning of course though, no one said anything about it. What happens there, stays there. The most you could say was how much fun it was, but it is taboo to bring up specifics or even comment on behavior in general.

All in all, a very fun and educational time. Although I have lived here for over 2 years all together and live with a Japanese woman, the way the Japanese think and act is still somewhat mysterious to me. But I do know that no matter how differently people think and behave, we are all similar at the end of that day. We all like to have fun with friends, and that is something you can take to the bank.