At least until my Sims start fucking and that little blob thing stops attaching itself to my face in Half-Life.

Okay, here is my menu.

Breakfast:

1 large cup.
1 running faucet.
1 tray of ice.

First, you bring your cup to the freezer. You will then open said freezer and remove the tray of ice cubs. You will have to get the ice cubes out of the tray. I suggest twisting the tray until some of the cubes pop out and land on the floor. Then, you replace tray into freezer, close freezer, and retrieve cubes from floor, placing them in your cup.

You then proceed to the faucet, then you turn the faucet on. Now here it is particularly important to remember to turn on the cold water instead of the hot, which is a common rookie mistake.

You then fill up cup of ice with water.

Proceed to the computer. Repeat when neccessary.

Lunch:

2 packs of cigarettes.
One working lighter.
One ashtray (optional)

Take cigarette out of pack. The brand depends on your own preference. I prefer one pack of Kool Kings, one pack Marlboro lights, and advise switching between the two. Variety is the spice of life!

Put cigarette to lips. Now here, it is also imporant to have the filter side in the mouth and the other side on the out, not the other way around.

Retrieve lighter from whatever dark and unholy place it migrated to over the course of the night before.

Light cigarette.

Repeat 5 minutes later.

Enjoy!

(note: lunch should begin immediatly after breakfast and should continue until you pass out late at night. But do not have lunch while in the shower.)

Dinner:

1 case of beer (24 twelve oz cans)
1 lack of a will to live

To properly prepare for dinner, you should have already placed the beer in the refrigerator a few hours beforehand.

Having done that, go to refrigerator. Retrive a single can of beer. Open it. Drink contents. Repeat 15 or 16 times.

Enjoy!

(Then somewhere during the course of dinner I microwave a few convinince store hamburgers or something)

Alright, see you next week. Gotta go.

It's dinner time.