11:30 AM: Get woken up by karen and RiZZ talking about something or other. Try not to be bothered by the fact that we already have company and I am in my underwear. Snooze for another half hour or so.

NOON: Get out of bed and shower and whatnot.

12:30 PM: Get out of bathroom all clean and tidy and find RiZZ lying on the floor. Asked why RiZZ was lying in the middle of the living room floor, he explained that it hurts less that way. When asked why he is in pain, he explains that he had gotten beaten up by his friends the night prior. When asked for further explaination, all I hear is something about getting hit in the balls with a bowling ball and soemthing about a swingset. Further details still forthcoming.

12:40 PM: Call Splat's house, I assume HELL answered the phone. "Hello, ____ household, ___ speaking." "Ummm, may I please speak with Splat?" "One moment. Hold please." Think to myself "these people have unnaturally polite phone manners, even for Republicans." Splat gets on and I inform him because melesse will be running a bit late, to go ahead and meet us at 3:30 instead of 3. Splat assures me "right on, boy howdy".

12:45-1:25 PM: RiZZ and I eat pasta and pass the time by complaining about how hungover we both are.

1:30 PM: Start drinking.

2 PM: RiZZ, determined to stick our guests, takes us outside and we look at the three trees on our block to no avail. RiZZ lies down while karen tells us that there is a forest nearby. We grab pager and beer and head there.

2 PM - 3 PM: We wander around the forest and Civil War trails carrying our cans of Natty Ice looking for sticks to hit our guests with. It is here, not at 11:30 PM, that our title of "white trash" was confirmed. We test out various sticks for strength, weight, durability, and other technical aspects. The test entails whapping the stick against a tree while shouting "How do you do, Splat!?". If stick breaks, it fails the test. If it does not, repeat process until it does break. RiZZ and I finally find the perfect sticks and place them by the front door of our apartment.

3 PM: Leave for bar.

3 PM to 4 PM: Wait around outside bar trying to find splat. Our only clue is that he is bald. This requires us to walk up to any bald men and ask "Splat?" When they say "What the hell did you just say to me?" you realize it is not splat and back away slowly muttering your apology. Repeat process when next bald guy appears.

4 PM: While waiting for a table, the ugliest woman I have ever seen comes up to me and says "have you been waiting here for an hour for me?"

4:05 PM: Get seated at our table, order drinks and an appetizer.

4:15 PM: Get drinks and appetizer. Realize the ugly woman chatting with you from across the table is indeed melesse.

I have made fun of melesse in the past for his incredible overuse of "lol" in posting and chat. Come to find his use of lol is indeed appropriate. The guy laughes pretty much constantly. I declare myself the funniest man alive.

4:30 PM: Splat shows up. Splat looked as I expected, but acted totally differently. This is the man, mind you, that has once told me that "semites smell funny" and has defended everything from drunk driving to the right of every American citizen to possess and bear atom bombs. He is incredibly soft spoken in person and perhaps the politest man I have ever met.

4:30 PM to 7PM: Spend the time chatting with karen, RiZZ, melesse, and Splat while having a few freshly brewed beers. Talk about all sorts of things. The only time I note any sort of alarm in our guests is when RiZZ starts talking about getting beaten up by his friends with bowling balls and a swingset last night. I quickly change the subject.

7 PM: Head to liquor store in a caravan of our cars. Buy more beer, some liquor, and some index cards. RiZZ constantly lies down in whatever public place we end up at.

8 PM: Go back to apartment. Give them the brief tour of our 3 rooms. Show splat the console from which I flame his wife. We mill about discussing various things, doing various shit, and drinking copious amounts of various booze.

Something PM: Fiend calls. He is drunker than we are. Phone gets passed around. Continue to drink.

Something else PM: Hit our guests with sticks. Drink more.

aksjbansenbas KM: Aminal calls from England. He is a Limey. Phone gets passed around. Insert grain alcohol IV.

KMFD: Sit around with splat talking about various political things. Neither of us are making any sense. I finally get him down to the position that all Americans have the right to own and bear atomic bombs and weild them on undesired IRS agents. I am unsure of how to proceed with my counter arguement.

Talk more about various things, continue to drink.

98.7 FM, the Laser!: Karen passes out. We beat her unconcsious body with sticks.

Run DMC: Splat announces he has to go home. We allow it. We miss him immediatly. He was a really fucking cool guy.

In the Not Too Distant Future, Next Sunday AD: karen wakes up. We play that white card game they have all ranted to me about in the past. It is stupid. Game ends on an awkward note when karen draws the "urinate on Melesse" card that I had made.

ADHD: Decide the best course of action is to go wander around in the woods. Stuff every available pocket with beer, have a single flashlight between us.

Wander around woods in the dark. Get creepy flashbacks Blair Witch Project.

Melesse, RiZZ, and I spend much of the time wandering around the trenches that have become natural hills and valleys and argue about proper gun placement and Union orders.

I'm a little teacup, short and stout: Go back to Apartment for more beer. Repeat process a few times.

Round 3ish: Unknown. Apparantly we went to 711 and went back to the woods with burritos and even more alcohol. Apparantly RiZZ and I go off even deeper into the woods and swamps on an alien hunt. Some other stuff probably happened, I can't really be sure.

At Some Other Point: Pass out.

Next Morning: Am woken up by ugly woman explaining he is going home. He looks far too chipper to have had a truly fun night. Vow to myself next time to drug his beer with tequila. He was really fucking cool too.

Go back to sleep.

4ish: Wake up. Notice I have various scars and bruises and odd stains that I can't place. Suspect that my friends beat me up last night. Not sure of the details, but I seem to remeber something about bowling balls and swingsets.

7ish. Start drinking.