It cost 10 bucks to get 15 tickets, which are used for rides and whatnot, like the ferris wheel and the other 20 or so rides they had (which ranged from costing 3 tickets per person to 5).

We started walking around, looking for shit we wanted to do. All over the place, between the rides, were the games. You know, ring toss, guess your weight, magnetic fish, whatever. I mean, I went within 10 yards of a booth and all of a sudden I had a dude shoving a basketball in my face. Constantly. I would turn them down politely and as we were walking off they carnie would yell something like "Hey! The girl you were with last week wasn't as cute as this one, and this one is white too!"

I tried to get a basic explaination of how the games worked and what I had to do to get a prize, but nobody seemed to have a straight answer for me. Just strange catch-phrases and "just throw the ball, win your lady a prize!"

In any case, I got accosted with a rubber duckie by one booth, it was 5 bucks for 3 chances, so I accepted. The game was that these pools of water were full of floating rubber duckies. Now, my goal was to pick up three ducks and look on the bottom of them. This is as far as my understanding of the game went. The conversation went like this:

Me: So what am I trying to do here?
Carnie: You pick up three rubber ducks.
Me: Yes, but what am I aiming for? I mean, what is my goal?
Carnie: To pick up three ducks.
Me: Ummmm, how do I win?
Carnie: By picking up three ducks.
Me: I'm not sure I understand. Is there a point to this?
Carnie: Just pick up the ducks, chief! Win your girl a prize!

*picks up three ducks, each has the letter S on written on the bottom of them*

Carnie: Now pick out a prize and move along.

I got some cheap inflatable mushroom (which is actually pretty cool) and left, totally perplexed.

We walked along for awhile more. Carnies kept trying to use karen against me as we walked past, and then would make fun of us as we walked away. Some of the rides looked kind of cool I guess.

We went on the Ferris wheel. You have to go on the Ferris Wheel when at a Carnival. It was okay I guess. You go up, then you go down, repeat process. Like a ladder, but with no physical fitness value to it. Total cost = 10 tickets for the both of us.

So we had 5 tickets left, which meant only one of us could go on one more ride. So we were scoping the lame rides they had trying to figure out which of us would go on which ride.

We were walking when all of a sudden some Carnie grabbed me, put a dart in my hand, and shoved me in front of a wall of balloons.

Okay, I think to myself, popping balloons with a dart. Fair enough, looks like it could be fun. The guy is talking to me in some sort of weird political speak, saying nothing but talking lots. So I throw a dart at the board and pop a balloon. Yay. a winner is me. So he shoves another dart in my face and says something like "there ya go, little to medium, medium to jumbo!" So I throw it and pop another balloon. He says "two more darts you get a prize! Even if you don't get the balloon you get a prize!" I said "okay" and popped another balloon. Another dart gets shoved in my hand. I throw it, pop another balloon. He starts saying "small goes to medium, medium goes to large, large goes to JUMBO!!!" I assume now he is talking about the prizes. This is a transcript of the conversation that followed:

Me: Ok, so how much is this costing me?
Carnie: Small goes to medium, medium goes to large, large goes to JUMBO!!!!
Me: What? Okay, that's all well and good, how much is this costing me and what grounds are winning the prizes based on?
Carnie: What is 4 and 4?
Me: 8. So for the four throws I owe you eight bucks?
Carnie: What have you got your eye on here?
Me: What the hell are you talking about? You mean what balloon?
Carnie: You have an eye on the balloon? Then throw the dart Annie Oakley!
Me: No, what did you mean? Did you mean what prize I had my eye on?
Carnie: What prize have you got your eye on!?
Me: Ummm, that giant stuffed elephant looks cool....
Carnie: Small goes to medium, medium goes to large, large goes to JUMBO!!!!
Me: So which is the elephant?
Carnie: What does green mean?
Me: What?
Carnie: What does green mean?
Me: Go?
Carnie: Go! Throw the dart, hit a green balloon!
*me throws dart, hits green balloon*
Me: So I win, right?
Carnie: Small goes to medium, medium goes to large, large goes to JUMBO!
Me: Ummm, so where am I?
Carnie: What does yellow mean?
Me: Slow down?
Carnie: No! It means hit a yellow balloon, win your girl a prize!
*me throws dart, hits yellow balloon*
Me: So did I win a prize?
*Carnie lays out 5 darts in front of me*
Carnie: Small goes to medium, medium goes to large, large goes to JUMBO!
Me: So I have to shoot 5 more to get a Jumbo prize?
Carnie: (to karen) I don't think he likes you very much!
Me: Now hold on just a minute!
Carnie: You miss, you don't pay!
Me: But do I lose then?
Carnie: No losers here, sir. You miss you don't pay!
Me: Really?
Carnie: Give it a try!
*throws dart, hits balloon*
Carnie: There you go! What does green mean?
Me: Wait a minute, so I pay to throw a dart, and it doesn't matter if I miss or hit?
Carnie: No losers here!
Me: Yeah, but what happens if I miss?
Carnie: Nothing! Try again, almost there!
Me: Ummmmmm.
*me throws a dart, misses*
*Carnie grabs a dart, pops the balloon himself*
Carnie: There ya go! Small goes to medium, medium goes to large, large goes to JUMBO!
Me: Wait a minute.....
Carnie: No losers here! What does green mean?
Me: I already told you.
Carnie: Then throw the dart!
Me: Wait, how much have I spent here?
Carnie: Small goes to medium, medium goes to large, large goes to JUMBO!
Me: Where am I?
Carnie: What does green mean?
Me: What the hell are you talking about?
Carnie: No losers here!
Me: So is there an object to this game?
Carnie: Small goes to medium, medium goes to large, large goes to JUMBO!
Me: Did I get the elephant?
Carnie: Small goes to medium....
Me: I know, I know. I'm outta here. How much do I owe you?
*insert 10 minutes of hassling with carnie about me not wanting to play anymore*
Me: Look, do you want me to pay or just fucking leave?
Carnie: 24 dollars.
*me gives Carnie 24 bucks*
*karen decides she wants to play*
*16 bucks later, we walk away with two little stuffed dogs*

I am beginning to think that the point of the game was that I hand over 75 bucks and the guy gives me a stuffed elephant that costs 2 dollars.

In any case, we were now avoiding the games, and had 5 tickets left to burn between us. karen was in a bad mood, so I figured I would just go on the haunted house ride and we can go home.

I give over the 4 tickets for the ride, get on a little cart on a track. It takes me into some cheap wooden place that is kind of dark. At one point, a mechanical witch starts waving her hands, but where a broomstick should be is nothing but a hole in her hands. I go through more plywood, and a strange air raid siren goes off. More plywood. A case lights up above me that contains a fake skull. The cart leaves the plywood enclosure and the ride is over.

We go home.

Total time spent at carnival: an hour.
Total money spent: around 75 bucks.

I think I should stamp the word "SUCKER" on my forehead.

Why beat around the bush?

If you ever happen upon a Carnie, punch him in the face for me would ya?