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Organic food
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I've begun buying organic food, for the first time in my life. They sold me when I read the heading over the organic section: "No toxins". It was then that I realized I'd been involuntarily poisoning my body during my entire life. Well, not really. Organic food is actually an organic scam; they just use a different kind of pesticides, and get away with charging you more for basically the same food. But if you buy organic you might feel more naturelle.
I didn't stop there; I figured why not push this fucking health thing all the way, just to see where it takes me. It happens that there's this health food store just down the block from where I live. So I went there for the first time, asked the lovely ladies some totally ignorant questions, and came out with a small bottle of cod liver oil. It is an excellent source of vitamins, the ones I never gave a fucking frolik about. This is just the beginning of my journey into the world of strange health stuff. A health food store is like building up a character in a video game. They have headings like "brain", "energy", "longevity" "mood". It's like deciding what kind of person you want to be. The whole idea of this definitely struck a chord deep within me, and I will likely become a regular customer there.
This is of course the little Hitler and Mussolini inside me, the one that strives for freakish perfection and wants to live forever. If I'm patient, he's sure to wander off again, eventually. Maybe.
I consider work to be analogous to my duty as a soldier in this new war, which is a war of humans against nature. A soldier never fights for himself; he does so on behalf of an ideology, which is really a justification -a lie- fabricated by a minority to motivate a majority in their favour. Seldom do I ever get along with a boss I have, since they always assume that I'm just working for money-that I'm just as greedy as they are. But that isn't true; I only work to survive. There is so little that money can give me that I don't already have or that I haven't already experienced. So many people these days don't seem to understand that excess material wealth could be an ideology that some don't believe in. How ironic it is, that so many who are convinced to believe in it don't genuinely believe in it.
We float along inside our little dream-bubbles. Where or what or when or who I am doesn't matter anymore. It's just me and the little dream bubble that I carry around with me.
I no longer have the urge to travel, not on planet Earth anyway. When I was nineteen I took a language teaching course and went to Mexico and taught English for a few months. Instead of discovering some genuine esoteric remote enclave of innocence, I found little more than aspiration towards the lifestyle that I had just left. Mexicans, like most third world people, want pretty much the same that we want. They just get less of it. Sadly, they really do have a lot more of that, they just don't know it.
I've recounted that story here before, about when I get drunk and took a bus to god knows where in P. Vallarta, and I got left off in some place between the outer jungle and the inner town. And as I walked along these ramshack buildings, I came upon a bunch of women in the streets laughing, then found a gang of Mexican teenagers getting high (and I became the centre of attention). Just one of those moments I will never forget- nor will I ever try to recount the experience in words or film. I want that memory in its trueness to remain lodged deep within my unconscious unscathed by modern society. It was so precious that it has partly shaped the man I am today.
The basic needs of people tend to get transformed, somehow, into worldwide religions. Only the select enlightened among us see us for what we are.
Regardless of all this, things are going OK for me. It's surprisingly easy to accustom oneself to material minimalism, especially when working full time again would be redundant to my cause. Sacrifice all my time for the cause of hope. Ha!
My God, the nihilists won the war. How the hell did that happen? If Hitler had won, we wouldn't have any dumb reality TV shows or moronic celebrities. We would have colonies on Pluto by now.
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