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In search of the inner man
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The geographical frontier has always had a special place in my heart, since it seems to be that region-psychological and spiritual as well as physical- where the most admirable qualities are brought out in people. In those rare moments in human experience when we set forth into the Great Darkness it is almost never because we have to, even though it may improve our chances for long-term survival. We do so in defiance of our little pre-planned destinies; we aren't satisfying hunger, quenching thirst, providing for our families, or building our houses. Rather, we are transcending all the basic necessities of our existence. The universe becomes the setting for a fascinating new story with us as the heroes, instead of a harsh landscape to be endured.
Of course, to be a hero who has the inner strength to explore and enjoy doing so- to be someone who is more than just a survivor- an ample amount of that trait known as manliness is required. I know no other word for it. The historical figures I idolize most were those who distinguished themselves by actually contributing something positive; not those who, though they were just as daring, carried their crew through rough seas or succeeded in fending off monsters. I have more respect for Wernher Von Braun, for example, who, although his early work was for political ends, well knew the scientific and technological implications of his rockets, than for Robert Oppenheimer, even though the latter's contributions to science were more profound at the time. Sadly, the prevailing ideology of today seems to be almost exclusively devoted to keeping our boat afloat: repairing the leaks and bailing out the water, and, far from looking into the distance with wonder and excitement as to what journeys tomorrow may bring, praying there isn't a storm on the horizon.
The worldly frontier is long gone, and all countries now contain only varying degrees of the global monoculture. Once they taste it, they can't ever turn back- at least not unpretentiously. The next frontier is stuck at the edge of a vast sea-interstellar space- and it won't be expanded again for a long time. I would go to Zambia or Borneo or the deep Uruguayan jungle in the spirit of Hemingway or Kipling or Joseph Conrad, but since I live in an age where every metre of land has been meticulously mapped by satellite, I would constantly know where I am in varying degrees and this would defeat the purpose of exploring. How silly would it feel to go trekking along some African plain with a camel by one's side, enduring extreme hunger, thirst, and dangerous animals, only to face the jeers from a passing tour bus full of fat tourists, snapping away with their digital cameras. Were Hemingway alive today, he might well be apprehended by armed bandits, stripped of everything he owned and sold on the streets to the highest bidder. Great explorers of past centuries, intrepid though they were, stole so much of the glory from future generations. They had more diseases, strife, violence and hardships, yet, paradoxically, they seem to have lived fuller; what they lacked in medicine and good government they made up for with adventure and good ol' fun.
It is the four or five generations in between the planetary and interplanetary (or interstellar) frontiers that must suffer the scourges of that limbo: an excess of complexity, mediocrity, circumspection and yes-peace. Particularly before the 20th century, war served the important function of cleansing societies of excessive, oppressive, and ultimately trivial social and psychological idiosyncracies. The soils of morality, convention, and tradition need to be shaken up every now and then. Otherwise, they begin to choke the younger generations with their outdated rules, draining their exuberance and creative energy. Without some balance to unchecked feminine utopian utilitarian ideology, the very foundation on which such an edifice rests, colossal though it may be, will crumble.
In this age of arrogance and cynicism people like me are looked upon as being somewhat naive and juvenile. But isn't unhesitating conformity to a mentality that is mostly unproductive and negative more juvenile and naive? When we stop believing in things beyond building our own little nests-common dreams- haven't we lost something that justifies being here in the first place?
Whether or not I will ever contribute anything to the building of an interstellar spacecraft, at least I have learned that I aspire to be one of those people who are very serious about what they do with their time, who work diligently at new, revolutionary technologies that offer new hopes and possibilities for humankind, and who believe in things far greater than building a house and raising a family, even during those times when it seems no one else shares their optimism.
The man I want to be may not be any smarter than the man I am, but he does use is brain a lot more. He drinks less, and smokes less weed. He has a clear plan of action that he follows each day, to a tee, and he works much harder towards his goals than I am currently. The man I want to be is far from the man I am, but I am becoming more like him with each passing day. This gives me a good feeling.
Imagine how exhilirating it would be to go on a murdering rampage with a big noisy chainsaw, in some Chinatown shopping mall, chasing hordes of terrified Asians, trapping and cornering them inside the little stores, the chainsaw echoing throughout the entire building. You wouldn't be a demented killer; on the contrary, you would be, quite simply, a cleaner, cleansing the world of their pathetic lives, shattering their pathetic little fantasies...
What would go through your mind if you were standing by the side of a road in 13th century England, and a knight on horseback came galloping by, slicing off the head of some unfortunate peasant (something not all that uncommon in those days)? Would you gasp in horror, or would you shrug it off and just accept that such things happen in life; some win, some lose, not unlike...the whole natural world?
No, life has no real value at all, not in any objective sense, and subjectively "value" is nothing more than an idea; a word. The palace you take such pains to build is, in the end, just a coffin. The universe does not "dance" for us, the stars don't really "shine"; that's all just a movie that's easy for us to see and live in. The entirety of our knowledge is just a long, tedious story that never actually happened.
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