You may be asking yourself, "Why in tarnation is ol' JEB pissed?" Well, gladya asked, cuz I'm gonna tellya.

Yer pal JEB's good name 'n' reputation has been smeared 'n' slandered in this movie. Specifically, Lon says the following, and I quote:

"They burned m'farm. M'cows are dead. An' m'wife run off with m'cousin JEB! That son-of-a-bitch!"

I am here to set the record straight ## While Lon wuz off playin' soldier-boy, that big whoppin' wife o' his, Millicent, burned the farm, alright. His cows are dead cuz she ate 'em an' the farm got burned, piece-by-piece, cookin' steaks, etc. She wuz too gotdayum lazy to cut her own firewood. As fer runnin' off with me, hell! I wuz the one a-doin' the runnin', fer fear she wuz gonna eat me, too, once the cows were gone.

Anyway, y'all kin tell everybody that, last I heard, the massive Millicent wuz holed up in a bakery in Springfield. Son-of-a- bitch, my ass!

As fer the movie, it's a historically accurate docu-drama about Frank 'n' Jessie James 'n' their cousins the Younger boys. The long 'n' short of it is, they come home from the war 'n' start robbin' banks, trains 'n' shit like that. Good ol' boys, I'm here t'tellya.

There's a many o' them candyass city-slicker reviewers that'd have y'all believe this movie does not correctly follow history. HELL! Them sumbitches don't know shit. They weren't there, but I wuz. I rest my case.

It also has sum good tunes by Trevor Rabin. What more could ya ask for? I wanna know.

It's a good thang Lon got shot, cuz it saved me the trouble o' whippin' his ass. I give the flick three Fred Heads outta five, mainly cuz o' that lyin' Lon, may he rest in peace. Amen.