Computer: You’ve got mail...*KA-BLAM!!!!*
Thimble: Right. Just perfect. Step number 1. Get new computer. Step number 2. Block the emails marked Asylum.

And all this talk would be speculation if it had not been for Microsoft Oulook. Thank you microl0pht.

I'm sorry, I have to interrupt myself here… I just got through typing 3/4 of this update when Netscape crashed.

1> Netscape you suck. I wish you were a person so I could shoot you. Software has made computers become our task masters with no face to smash. I'm wondering if there is some kind of developer voodoo doll I can get to inflict pain on my software.
2> Users of FrontPage I hate. FrontPage is evil. Get a real html editor like Notepad. FrontPage breaks Netscape's ability to browse, which would be all right, if the html was right. ARGH!

Alright.

Sooooo anyways, I am T-W-O-O, which is an acronym and not the sound of a fresh lugey, and I was trying to think what would be a good use of this tool I have bestowed upon me. How could I add to the community. What does my target audience lack that I could bring them…

Then I realized I was thinking like a marketer and that my limbs were turning gelatinous and slimy and my mouth was becoming a sucker like in nature. I changed my mind before someone put me to a medicinal purpose .

Then I thought I'd do a rant against capitalism in general and how nothing we experience these days comes without a price tag or an advertisement and how freaking gerbil like I'm being made to feel by all the pop up advertising and browser opening and "refresh-tag-so-you-can't-use-your-back-button-cause-I'm-an-ass-face"ing I've been seeing on the web (poetic name that) lately. I should not have to FEAR clicking on a link because of the possible entangling experience that may stick me in. First pop up on the asylum I see will be the day Dingle will have to triple my medication. Example of gerbilitis? This site. remember when it had freaking HAMSTERS?!?!? (Though I'm sure all you linux aficionados will like this. Oh shoot. There go my limbs again.)

So then I thought we could have a relationship column. That hasn't been done before! (Well here at least... Umm. To my knowledge... Which is limited... By the medication…)

And I think I could be the one to do it!

1. I'm focused! (Unlike those American would-be presidents who will determine the results of this election just in time for the next one... Can you believe those guys??)

2. I'm sensitive. Just the other day I was helping these poor souls with their relationships.
Dear Thimble,
Everything goes contrary with me. I'm looking fer a man but can find nairy a one. Can you help me?
Signed Lone lorn creetur.

Dear Lone Lorn creetur,
I don't know. Did someone dump a bag of ugly on your face?
Signed Thimbles worth of opinion

Dear Thimble,
My husband doesn't pay much attention to me. I don't know what to do.
Signed Neglected.

Dear Neglected,
I'm sorry. Did you have a question?
Signed Thimbles worth of opinion.

Dear Thimble,
My husband doesn't pay much attention to me. I don't know what to do. Could you please help me?
Signed Neglected.

Dear Neglected,
I don't know. Did someone dump a bag of ugly on your face?
Signed Thimbles worth of opinion

Dear Thimble,
No.
Signed Neglected.

Dear Neglected,
Is your husband a homo?
Signed Thimbles worth of opinion

Dear Thimble,
No.
Signed Neglected.

Dear Neglected,
Do you look like a pretty man?
Signed Thimbles worth of opinion

Dear Thimble,
No. Not at all.
Signed Neglected.

Dear Neglected,
You up for an affair?
Signed Thimbles worth of opinion

Dear Thimble,
No. Can you help me?
Signed Neglected.

Dear Neglected,
Nope.
Signed Thimbles worth of opinion

3. I have been given this thing for 30 (count em) 30 days!!! You have not! I am elite! You are dogs! I am the master and the ruler of the world!! You are my slap toys! And I want to make you happy... Who better to dispense advice then GOD?! Well, I'm his temp!

Ah well. Life's a gamble, ideas are but seeds borne by the wind. Who ever thought Tack would have been the spore that begot this online fungus which is spreading through the internet?
That's what I want my column to be.
Whatcha think?
Signed T-W-O-O