[Story Index] [Discussion Thread] [The Asylum]
An update by tack
By tack
2001-02-21
Silence is unbearable: Whenever there is silence in real life, I feel like the people around me are thinking bad things about me. I feel like they are thinking about how much they wish I wasn’t here, how they hate me. I can’t stand it. Any silence at all is unbearable to me. I constantly need people to be talking, and if they aren’t I will say or do something in an effort to make them laugh. They almost always laugh and then strike up some conversation to kill the silence. When I say they, I am referring to whoever is around me.
Ex Girlfriend: My ex girlfriend was never actually my girlfriend. She was my friend for 2-3 years before I asked her out. In the last year before I asked her out she let me touch her boobs a lot. It was through the shirt and bra, and it was only my open palm touching her breast for a second. I know that sounds stupid but it was a pretty damn big thing to me. I really liked more that she felt comfortable enough with me to let me do that, then just the fact that it was her boobs that I was touching. They are the only tits I have ever touched. I saw them probably 50 times. She had a crush on a friend of mine, and the three of us were in home economics together in eighth grade. She would flash him and me just because I happened to be there, every single class. I think back now and I am trying to figure out how the hell it was that the three of us always managed to be in the cooking room when the class was sewing or the sewing room when the class was cooking. Those were the good old days or something. Hmm, they really were.
I am going to digress from my ex-girlfriend story for a moment to explain why those were the good old days.
Good Old Days: I think back to them and consider them the good old days because I was a lot nicer then. I was nice to more people that is, I was still quite a jerk. I’m going to spread out these good old days over seventh and eighth grade, because I am thinking that’s when it was the best.
As hard as it is to believe, I am quite a good talker and very entertaining in real life. This trait would prove to be an extremely useful one. In seventh grade I started hanging out with the 3 druggies. I am not going to go into the druggies or this thing would drudge on forever. Anyway, in seventh grade I started and had my first gang. The Beat Down Crew, pretty lousy name I guess, but it would prove to be fun. It started out with just the 3 druggies and myself. Within a week it was just about every guy in my grade. We didn’t do much yet but then this real big kid, tallest in the grade, decided to cause some problems. I was probably the biggest kid in the grade, shorter than him but he was skinny as a rail. He had a problem with one of the original 3 druggies and they decided to attack him for it. One of the three druggies was very short and very skinny by the way. So this biggest kid in the grade takes a soft pretzel, covered in mustard and hits my friend’s brand new shirt with it. My friend couldn’t do anything because he was so small. To cut this short, the big kid caused some more problems and I ended up throwing him down a flight of stairs and into a wall. I was suspended from school for a while for that. That gang died because of that.
The next gang (excluding my fight club/amateur professional wrestling federation) was School Police. School Police, like The Beat Down Crew was started by me, and then the three druggies. My great uncle was a cop, and before that he had been a school cop so he had a bunch of shirts he gave me that said School Police. To sum up this one even quicker, this one was much bigger than The Beat Down Crew, including girls, who felt the need to show me their breasts on more than one occasion so they could join. This one had some other problems and was a lot of fun. It died out because of summer though. Finally came The Family, this one was just the three druggies and I. To cut it short again, a kid was threatening to kill one of the three druggie's moms. He threatened to beat up my friend and pulled a knife on him, so this kid and my friend were going to fight. The three druggies and I came and met him in some back woods. The kid punches my friend in the face; my friend puts him in a headlock and drops to the ground. I stomped the shit out of him. I didn’t hit him in the spine or anything that I thought would cause bad damage, just the thighs and in the ass a few times. I didn’t want to cause any serious problems for him, just teach him to stop being such a dumbass. Anyway, that’s why those were pretty much the good old days, when I hung out with the druggies, had a big voice, did that sort of thing. I have always been a bit of a Mafia leader type guy I guess, just part of my personality.
Back onto topic, this ex-girlfriend of mine had a big crush on one of the druggies (The same small skinny one involved in the 2 previous incidents, isn’t that weird) and so I saw her a lot as she was trying to follow him and I around, more or less him. I became better and better friends with her though, as he would be high most of the time and not wanting to do much talking. So back to her.
Ex Girlfriend: I had felt her up (in the palming, for one second, through shirt and bra manner described above) and seen her tits quite a few times. I figured I ought to ask her out. I was sitting in my friend’s basement with her, her friend and my friend. My friend was very stoned, he was that small druggie mentioned earlier. Like I said, he didn’t do much talking when stoned so he sat there staring at the wall. Her friend didn’t talk much either so she sat quietly. I say, "Say, will you go out with me?" For the next 5-10 minutes, silence. Remember how much I hate silence. I say, "well?" Trying to react calmly to this goddamn silence that angers me so. No answer for another 5-10 minutes. I was having a bad day anyway, so that’s why I had asked, hopefully to brighten up my day by giving me a first girlfriend. I got tired of the silence and sort of brought my fist down pretty hard on a table sitting in front of me. The table broke. She thought I was going to hit her or something so she said, "yes!" and left his house right then. I was pretty oblivious to the fact that she was afraid and didn’t really want to go out with me. I was feeling pretty happy, that I had a girlfriend.
Over the next week or two she didn’t talk to me much. She wasn’t allowed to talk on the phone. I figured if I wasn’t getting a relationship I’d probably at least be getting more play than just palming tits like before. I hung out with her both weekends in the 2 weeks I just mentioned. Both times, she didn’t do anything with me. I finally realized she didn’t want to go out with me and all so we "broke up". So that’s my first girlfriend, not much of a story I guess. She is still the closest thing to a girlfriend that I have ever had.
Now, to the reason I am writing this is what happened last night. The wheel chair and my fear of girls has to be explained real quick first.
Fear of girls touching me: I have some bad fear of girls touching me, I have no idea what causes it but its there. I can sit here and dream and fantasize about them touching me all I want but in real life it just doesn’t work. Girls that are my friends seem to find it very funny that I blush a whole lot and get very nervous when they are physically touching me at all. I will jokingly beckon them over to sit on my lap, knowing that they won’t. I would do that a lot because it bothers them and makes everybody laugh. After a while they somehow figure out to say yes. Then they come over and when they are on my lap they have to get off right away and I normally would stand up or squirm out or whatever.
One night, when I used to bowl, I won’t go into bowling either, even though I have lots of great stories about that. Anyway, so we were bowling, and I had just finished my turn so I sat down and had my hand, palm up, on the chair next to me. The girl comes over and almost sat on it, I pulled my hand away right before she did. She was like, "What’s wrong Hughie, don’t want to touch my ass?" and I would be like, "I will touch it right now, get up and see!" She would then stand up, and I’d put my hand back down. She’d sit down for a sec and I’d have to pull my hand out, I don’t know why. Her sitting on my hand rocked, I am wondering now as I write this why the hell I pulled it out at all. She did this a few more times, and then later when we would hang out taunt me about it and tell me to grab her ass and stuff.
So, now back to that ex girlfriend of mine, she found out two weeks ago about the fact that I was afraid of her touching me. Ex Girlfriend: I was sitting on a bench at the mall, and my ex-girlfriend complained of not having somewhere to sit. I called her over to sit on my lap and she didn’t. I did it a few more times jokingly and finely she came over and was about to and I quickly got up. I was like, "Your not supposed to do it for real!" and she said something along the lines of, "Ha ha, your afraid of me touching you?" and then she would reach her hand towards me or something. Then later that night when I was in the wheel chair, oh, let me digress quickly to explain the wheel chair.
Wheel Chairs: I have always wanted a wheel chair and always loved riding in them. I’ve noticed every time I go to the mall that they have wheel chairs behind the customer service desk. I decided to go ask and found out all you need to do is give them a license or permit and you can get one. My friend gave the girl behind the desk his permit and I snagged a wheel chair. My friends and I had one hell of a time playing with that goddamn wheel chair. I don’t know how many of you have played with wheel chairs in extremely large public malls that have ramps and lots of people, but it is extremely fun. So anyway, back to that night.
Ex Girlfriend: I was wheel chairing around and I asked her if she wanted a ride in my lap, she declined. I asked again maybe an hour later and she said sure, and again, like some pussy, I jumped up. That’s pretty much all that happened then. Last night, my friends and me went to the mall again. My ex girlfriend was there again of course. I had the wheel chair and I invited her to sit in my lap, I was determined to stay there. She came and sat on my lap. I told her she had to sit forward as to not crush my dick. As I was wheeling around with her in my lap I got aroused. She started sliding back towards my dick and I told her that I had a hard on and if she slid back she’d be getting poked so she better not. She, for some reason, slides back on purpose and starts rubbing her ass against my dick. Sorry if this is starting to seem like a porn story, it’s not really…. So she was rubbing against it and it was really cool. I told her to get up right away but instead she kept doing it, after a while she finally stopped and got off the wheel chair and the night continued, it was fun.
My friends and I were all outside and some white trash kids started yelling lots of stuff to us. I was standing out there, in the rain because everybody else was under the outcropping that was over the door. I stood there wearing all black, and my trench coat while listening to these white trash pieces of shit bitch at my friends. One of my friends called them white trash, the lead girl said, "Ya’ll don’t know me!" and started bitching more, now at me for some reason. A few seconds after she stopped bitching, all eyes turned to me to hear my response. I said, "I’m going to eat your skin." All my friends laughed uproariously, the white trash kids were creeped out and left us alone for a bit. They started bothering us again later though. Oh, real quick, we were outside because my friend smokes and you can’t smoke in the mall, the white trash kids were outside for some reason we didn’t know. I told my ex-girlfriend I would pay her 40 dollars to go grab the guys (there was one guy and three girls) balls and squeeze them really hard. She went over and tried but he pulled away, she didn’t try very hard either. She came back and I didn’t pay her. She said that she needed the money and asked what else she could do. I asked her if I could feel her up like before, but for longer and stuff. Somehow I ended up offering her 20 dollars to let me. She agreed. I put my hand near her chest and told her she’d have to put my hand there, she did. She pressed my hand against her breast hard, not like the palming I had done before. After about 5 or 6 seconds she started to pull my hand away and I gave her breast a good squeeze. It was really cool, but I wasn’t satisfied. I told her as much. She let me do it again for 3 seconds, with squeezing again this time. I told her one more time and I was happy. She let me, a third and final time for about 5 seconds again, 5 long seconds though. This time I was squeezing it for several seconds, it was really cool. I told her I wasn’t going to pay her. She got really pissed at me and went inside and threw a hissy fit. I went in and gave her the 20$ so she wouldn’t be pissed at me. I am planning on getting her to be my girlfriend again, but for real this time. She knows now I wouldn’t ever hit her or anything mean like that. I think she may like me but want me to be dominant and like grab her tits and be sort of forceful and stuff… which I am trying to find out.
I think I will hang out with her again next Friday, at the mall again. I haven’t talked to her online yet since the events at the mall last night. But as she left I had been feeling REALLY trashy and shitty for having paid her to let me grab her boob. So I was avoiding her and stuff and she was making faces at me, not like stupid faces but like wondering why I wasn’t talking to her, sad faces. Her ride came and she yelled to me that she’d email me tomorrow. I am guessing she will email me sometime today. I think she feels bad about the whole thing. I know I sure do, I feel really trashy about that paying to touch her boobs thing. The wheelchair bit was super cool though. I am wondering now what to do about it, about trying to pursue a relationship as more than friends with her.
End: I wrote this just to give a little insight to my life, to share with everybody my first experience with a girl purposely touching my dick, the first boob I touched and the first boob I squeezed. A few firsts for me that I felt like sharing, looking for some advice about what to do so that I could hit a few more firsts. Those few more firsts being first Real girlfriend and then lots of girlfriendy type stuff, if you catch my drift.